Far off into the horizon,
under the glare of the setting sun;
and under the haze of my murky eyesight
I see a lone figure
___
Jet black hair flowing with each
caress of the wind, paying no mind to the fluctuations
of nature. All I can do is stare,
and stare at her.
___
She turns, just for a moment, and I
cannot make out the line
of her cheek; but I know that a smile graces her lips.
I say so with such surety, because the lines of her face are too etched into mine
___
There are many things I do not know,
when looking back at my past or staring ahead into my future
And standing here, now
gazing at this lone figure
___
I do not know if my mind is stuck
with a ghost of the past,
or a vision of the future;
maybe just a figment of my imagination.
___
But I feel my heart beat a little slow,
a little low, each pulse beating a lovely caress against my neck
no longer does the glare of the sun blur my sight
nor do I see that speck of darkness in night
___
And as breath fills me once again,
my lungs swell
in the distance what I see
no longer scares me.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,031 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
Hey there!! I’m here to give you a review on this lovely poem
First of all, welcome to YWS! I hope you’re enjoying it here so far. This is such a beautiful poem and I hope you keep posting here!
I love how this piece switches from light and airy imagery to worry--it provides such a lovely contradiction and gives me an insight into the narrator’s mind and how they’re feeling conflicted within themselves.
I will say--just for the sake of consistency--the stanzas should probably end in periods. Right now, some of them are and others aren’t, which is a bit confusing in terms of rhythm.
You also use the word “caress” a few times, which struck me less as purposeful repetition and more like “oh, they said that already”. I’m sure there’s a synonym you could use that would provide more nuance and less redundancy.
I also wonder--how does the title connect to all this? Not saying that it must connect, but it is a very intriguing title (I’ll admit, I don’t know what “sibyilline” means) but there’s not much meaning to it within the poem.
Overall, though, I love your descriptions. They are so deftly used and are a highlight of the work!
Keep writing!
<3, chem
Heyy! So 'sibylline' comes from Sibyl, which is a word for ancient prophetesses ( from Greece or Rome ). Sibylline Ideations stands for prophetic thoughts and ponders. The narrator as well as the woman in the sunset are the same people, just in two different points in time. The narrator is initially hesitant and wondrous of her past/future, but then this woman, who is either her past or future version presents to the narrator in a vision or 'ideation' and smiles to reassure the narrator that life will turn out just fine. I hope this provided some clarity and made you go for a re-read!
Hey there! Plume here, with a review! And belated welcome to YWS!
I liked this poem! It's been a while since I've reviewed poetry, so bear with me. The title was what first drew me in; I liked the combination of the two words "sibylline" and "ideation." The idea of a predisposition to prophecy was a really compelling metaphor, and I think the poem lived up to this whimsical and inviting title!
One thing I really noticed was your imagery. Particularly surrounding the figure the speaker sees, each line was full of rich detail. I think my favorite stanza for the imagery was stanza two; the pictures flow just like the woman's hair, and it was wrapped up beautifully and simply with that repetition of "stare" in the final two lines.
I also thought the rhythm was very unique and free-flowing. There were some points where it felt slightly easy to get lost in the line variation-- I feel like I lost the thread of continuity at some point. I think perhaps returning to some consistent images or theme of images could be a good way to connect the poem throughout.
Specifics
I liked this last stanza a lot, but I think it could be even more hard-hitting as a big finale to this piece. I wanted to point out that the speaker describes themself as no longer being scared, but I wasn't sure I really got a "scared" vibe from the beginning of the piece, moreso just an awestruck one. I think you could either lean into the speaker being more frightened at the start, making that ending feel nice and circular, or change the adjective in the last stanza. To me, it seems like the main shift in this poem comes from a focus on the woman the speaker sees to the speaker themself. There are many directions you could go with that in terms of what you want to leave your readers with! I just think that scared is perhaps not the best word to use there.
Overall: nice work! This poem was a delightful evening treat for me, and I enjoyed reading and reviewing! I hope to see more of your work soon. Until next time!
Thanks a lott! Yeah, continuity can be really hard to involve in a poem that randomly branches off to different streams of time. The woman in the sunset is actually either a past or future version of the author (upto your perspective) and that lone figure kind of assures the author, so that's why the author is not 'scared' of the 'distance', because the distance is the future, that is confirmed to be just alright. Thanks for the review <33