Long lavender paths
stretch out into winding ways;
Frozen dewdrop flecks onto the iris
painting a hazy dreamscape.
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Draped linen, open tresses
that beckon a certain freedom
How long do I have
Before I have to go?
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'Roads' by Portishead
Plays again and again
into a resounding chorus
and I find myself swaying
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Don't look back, She whispers—
And my mind agrees.
So close to the light;
My footsteps betray me.
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A telltale beep fills my ears
and resounding pleas echo
My heart calls out,
If only to comfort.
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No seven minutes for me
There is only slumberland;
just let me sleep.
(Is it too much to ask?)
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140,939 Literary Works • 673,762 Reviews
Hello and good day to you~
I am not a poet but I do read what has been in the Green Room for a very long time 😊
I think the wording in this one is really nice, I especially like “painting a hazy dreamscape”
Otherwise, this reads as very solid to me.
There was an undercurrent of uneasiness as I read this tho. Like, you could read it as someone waking up, and for that, I kinda like the mundanity of it all, to have this poem about something we all have experienced etc
But it also feels… as if it could be about life itself and if one really wants to “wake up”/”keep going” –especially with phrasings like “so close to the light” which sometimes is used to describe someone being close to death?
But maybe that reading also comes from the summary where you say it’s not a pretty premise ^^° And I read a rather sad poem before this one, so mb I was primed for this then? @.@
Hope you have a great day~
PS: read the comments and aahhh ofc the telltale beeps, I should have realised!
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Hellow fellow poet! First of all, love the username, second of all, beautiful imagery!
Honestly reading this was a treat in itself, the way you craft those words is honestly amazing.
I am guessing this is about escape and dreams because this piece sure does feel dreamy (in a really good sense!) I was also wondering what this part essentially means:
"Don't look back, She whispers—
And my mind agrees.
So close to the light;
My footsteps betray me."
I can think of multiple interpretations to this like getting close to finally achieving something, death, or simply, waking up.
Keep writing!
Bro I love your username too and that random duck is a vibe lol
To ans your qs, this whole work involves the character going through internal suicidal ideation within their subconscious mind, while in the real world ppl are trying to save the character (stanza 5). These dark themes are somewhat subdued by the imagery because anything else would've been too angsty. Glad you enjoyed it <333