*This story is under my folder titled “Ghost House”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
The Daniels family had all been brutally murdered by Alastor Davids in the year 1933. Alastor had murdered the adult ghosts, Anderson and Rosalie, in their own house and he pushed their six year old children, Helen and John, off a bridge and into the water below. He did it all because he had nothing while they had “everything” in his eyes, all because they had money and he didn’t.
From then on, the ghosts of Anderson and Rosalie were trapped in black voids of their own misery, of their own sorrow, of their own suffering, and the ghosts of Helen and John haunted the bridge where they died, their milky white eyes staring black off at passerby, their expressions far too grim for children.
That was, until they all saw a glowing dark blue light line at the corner of their eyes. None of them knew where it was coming from, but they followed the dark blue light line like ships do on choppy waters towards a lighthouse, enchanted by its luminescence, feeling as though they had to follow it, that if they didn’t, then they’d continue to feel lost, forever and ever and ever.
So, Anderson and Rosalie followed the light until there was no more darkness left and Helen and John followed the light until they didn’t hear the rushing water and they were surrounded by stable high walls.
The walls in question, although covered by encroaching thorns and slightly, still stood, still had its comforting white and pink floral wallpaper, still felt like home.
Though they didn’t know where the light had come from, they were grateful that it led them back home, to the living room, to each other.
And as soon as they saw one another, the four of them embraced, tears spilling from their eyes, smiles on their faces, glad that they could finally be together, that in the end, they found one another.
The blue light disappeared once they hugged, but the feeling of safety and security from the blue light’s path lingered in their hearts and was found in each other’s arms.
A family made whole once again.
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125,003 Literary Works • 672,791 Reviews
Hey, Vamp! I noticed you're always lurking somewhere on my stories... I think it's time I do the same. Starting with this!!
First Impressions:
This story starts off rather cold and chilling. It takes off on such a murderous note, but then eventually falls off into a nice, warming tone. Family reunited after some... terrifying events tore them apart. It was an interesting thing to read, and you pulled off the transition so beautifully and cleanly.
Story Interpetations:
Just from reading this story with no big context, we can tell that this family was murdered by a man out of spite and jealousy. The reason behind that spite? The only clue we received was "money". It's an understandable reason. Greed can drive people crazy. You portrayed this well.
After the murder, we get the feeling of some form of after life, though it's not really a place, is it? A dark void of their own pits of suffering and torment... quite an interesting description that can distort anyone's way of thinking about the afterlife. This is a good detail. It hooks your reader in and makes them wonder what kind of world you are creating.
Suggestions:
There were a few things that left me curious. This story felt like it was a closer, or a recap to a previous story you might have written in relations to this one. It feels like a chapter that belongs with another piece.
For starters, I was really curious on the connections with the murderer and this family? How did they know each other? Did his spite run deeper than just his lack of wealth and theirs, there of? It makes me wonder if there was just something more that I was missing. Some context, persay.
The other thing that left me curious is, how did the Daniels ghost's get trapped? Is it just the way souls work in your world? Or was there some outright cause?
These are just a few of the bigger details that can leave your readers feeling confused or maybe even bored with the lack of detail. You can fix this by adding more details to your paragraphs. Maybe even take things a little slower and dig deeper into an explanation of why these things have happened and how. If you do this, be sure to leave some aspects blank. If you're writing thriller or horror, you probably want to leave your readers on edge. You don't want to feed them everything just yet.....
You did an amazing job writing this, and it makes me miss reading some of your works.. so much so that I will probably go back and read the things I have missed. Good job on writing this, though! I can't wait to see more!!
~Taost <3
I%u2019m so glad you enjoyed this! Only Anderson and Rosalie were in the void because they were adults in their own misery. Helen and John were just haunting the bridge where they died.
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Helen and John%u2019s story-Ghost House
Rosalie%u2019s story-Ghost House
Anderson%u2019s story-Ghost House
Alastor%u2019s story-Ghost House
Elaine%u2019s story-Ghost House
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Bethany meets Samara
Would you like to see the character designs of the characters in the story you read?
Oooh! Yes please <3
Ghost house
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Samara’s story-Ghost house
Myra’s story-Ghost house
Hector’s story-Ghost House
Diana’s story-Ghost House
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Rosalie’s story-Ghost House
Anderson’s story-Ghost House
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Percy’s story-Ghost House
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Helen alive and as an angel:
John alive and as an angel:
Rosalie (alive and as an angel):
covenant woods
Anderson (alive and as a ghost) (dw he%u2019s an angel now):
Alastor (alive and as a ghost):
There are other characters in the %u201CGhost House%u201D story but these are the characters from the story you just read.
Those are some really cool designs! The kids look so cute <3
Thank you!!!
Wow!! I got embraced in your story from the beginning to the very end
The start was brutal, and I felt sorry for the characters. But then the story led me on a pathway which, at the end, granted the characters, and also me, what we really deserved.
I like your writing too! It suits this genre very well and adds a bit of a spooky feeling. I think it's also very poetic at several points, which I really like!
Well done, and I really wanna read more of these spooky stories!
I%u2019m so glad you enjoyed this!
Other stories that connect to this:
Ghost house
Ghost House:Part Two
Samara’s story-Ghost house
Myra’s story-Ghost house
Hector’s story-Ghost House
Diana’s story-Ghost House
Helen and John’s story-Ghost House
Rosalie’s story-Ghost House
Anderson’s story-Ghost House
Alastor’s story-Ghost House
Elaine’s story-Ghost House
Luke’s story-Ghost House
Nelson’s story-Ghost House
Cynthia’s story-Ghost House
Percy’s story-Ghost House
Bethany’s story-Ghost House
Cain’s story-Ghost House
Bethany meets Samara
Would you like to see the character designs of the characters in the story you read?