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16+ Violence Mature Content

Elaine’s story-Ghost House

by vampricone6783


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.

*This is the origin of a character from my “Ghost House” stories. You can read other stories connecting to this underneath my folder “Ghost House”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*

Some time in the 1800s, there was a lovestruck woman running throughout her neighborhood, in the cold, dead rain. It was a stormy night and she was wearing a long, satin dress, tripping on it and getting mud all over herself. She didn't care, though. What mattered was him and only him.

Her name was Elaine Lawrence. Elaine was clutching a soggy, important letter in her gloved hands.

A letter from a lover. A young man she thought was dead, but turned out to be alive.

After much walking, she finally reached her destination. A deserted, lost cabin in the woods, the place they always met in secret.

She walked in and waited.

Nothing. She thought that he would be there before her. He was always early, after all.

Why wasn't he there?

"Miss me?" A sweet, kind voice asked.

His voice.

Elaine sighed in relief. So he did get there on time. They could talk, they could kiss, they could share stories not another soul would feel, because they were together. In the cabin, only they existed.

Suddenly, she felt a sharp, stabbing pain on her hip, like the biggest needle was plunged into her flesh.

The pain rose to her chest and finally, to her neck.

A flash of lighting struck and Elaine got a glimpse of her bloody body. Rouge, hot liquid covering her dirt-stained dress, leaving her as a rotten, filthy mess of a creature.

"What?" She asked, confused. Didn’t he love her? Didn’t he care for her? Didn’t he want her? For days, she worried that he had suffered, that someone had snuffed out his young life. She wondered if he crossed to the afterlife, wondered if he was still lingering in Earth. He was her heart, her soul. She believed in him, she cared for him.

Why did he hurt her?

"Goodbye, Elaine." He whispered in her ear.

Elaine fell to the floor, her whole body as heavy as a rock. She couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. Couldn’t scream. Only ask herself, in the corners of her mind:

Nelson, my dear. Why?


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Sat Mar 02, 2024 12:32 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Its been sometime since I got to review one of these pieces and they remain as interesting as ever. I'll never quite manage to understand how each of these characters manage to be so unique despite so many of them being out there but I am not complaining.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Some time in the 1800s, there was a lovestruck woman running throughout her neighborhood, in the cold, dead rain. It was a stormy night and she was wearing a long, satin dress, tripping on it and getting mud all over herself. She didn't care, though. What mattered was him and only him.

Her name was Elaine Lawrence. Elaine was clutching a soggy, important letter in her gloved hands.

A letter from a lover. A young man she thought was dead, but turned out to be alive.


Ooh loving this setup already. I'm already intrigued to see what this letter is going to be about. You managed to pack a surprising amount of information into this rather simple introduction here and its working wonderfully.

After much walking, she finally reached her destination. A deserted, lost cabin in the woods, the place they always met in secret.

She walked in and waited.

Nothing. She thought that he would be there before her. He was always early, after all.

Why wasn't he there?

"Miss me?" A sweet, kind voice asked.


Oooh well that's a nice little moment there. I really wasn't expecting us to run into a happier moment on that one, but wow, it appears that we are in fact going in towards a somewhat happy moment here although now it makes me wonder if there's a hidden tragedy around the corner.

His voice.

Elaine sighed in relief. So he did get there on time. They could talk, they could kiss, they could share stories not another soul would feel, because they were together. In the cabin, only they existed.

Suddenly, she felt a sharp, stabbing pain on her hip, like the biggest needle was plunged into her flesh.

The pain rose to her chest and finally, to her neck.


Well that happened fast. Wow, I was honestly hoping we wouldn't see a betrayal but the it wouldn't be a story called ghost house if everyone ended up with happy endings now would it?

A flash of lighting struck and Elaine got a glimpse of her bloody body. Rouge, hot liquid covering her dirt-stained dress, leaving her as a rotten, filthy mess of a creature.

"What?" She asked, confused. Didn’t he love her? Didn’t he care for her? Didn’t he want her? For days, she worried that he had suffered, that someone had snuffed out his young life. She wondered if he crossed to the afterlife, wondered if he was still lingering in Earth. He was her heart, her soul. She believed in him, she cared for him.

Why did he hurt her?

"Goodbye, Elaine." He whispered in her ear.

Elaine fell to the floor, her whole body as heavy as a rock. She couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. Couldn’t scream. Only ask herself, in the corners of her mind:

Nelson, my dear. Why?


That's a really powerful line to end on there I think. Just no real sadness or anger per see. Just the sting of betrayal and a simple question of why. We don't have enough context to judge if there was a good reason for this murder or not, but we certainly do feel for the woman here in these dying moments of hers.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, a pretty powerful piece I'd say. A nice solid setup that is then followed up with a pretty well timed little shock there with the perfect amount of emotion on that ending.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




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Sun Nov 26, 2023 11:26 pm
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Jaygg wrote a review...



heyy Just wanna say how much I love this the twist the turns this really had me on the edge of my seat. I personally love things like horror/supernatural but seriously you just brought that to life even more I very much would love to continue reading and please please pleaseeee keep writing because this is just amazing in my eyes!!
-Jay




vampricone6783 says...


You can read the other stories that connect to this underneath my folder titled %u201CGhost House%u201D if you%u2019re interested.

I have a bunch of stories on my profile that are mostly supernatural horror if you would like to check them out.

Thank you for reading. :>




I sleep with reckless abandon!
— Link Neal