Bethany’s story-Ghost House

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

This was quite an intriguing little look at how things are developing for little Bethany and how her family views. Certainly an intriguing little backstory this.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

Once there was a little girl named Bethany. Bethany had an older brother named Thomas who was frightened of the spooks, a Dad who couldn't care less about them, and a Mom who always seemed to tense up whenever ghosts were mentioned.

But eight year old Bethany was a self-declared “Queen of Darkness”. Thomas just called her an “edgelord”. She did not know what an edgelord was, but by the way he said it, it sounded like a terrible thing.

Which wasn’t true, because she was awesome! She heard of stories in her school about a little girl named Samara who was murdered because her mother wouldn’t give away her earthly possessions to a friend of hers, and a story about a woman named Elaine who was killed by her lover for her money, and a man named Anderson who was killed for his money…

Come to think of it, all of the stories that Bethany heard in school was about people dying from not giving out wealth! She didn’t even cry when the stories were told. In fact, it made her laugh to see other kids get frightened from the stories.

The stories were told all around, and the ghosts were said to haunt Bethany’s town. How wonderful would it be to watch ghosts writhe and scream? She always went trick-or-treating every year and never found anything fun.

Why couldn’t a ghost come up to her and tell her all about the terrible things that happened to them? Why couldn’t she become a ghost? Bethany oh so desired for her name to be “Devilmary Blackclaw, the Queen of Darkness and Misery” and then make everybody scream and cry! They all deserved it for not thinking that she was super cool and awesome with all that she came up with!

But on one Halloween night, sitting on her bed in a vampire costume, waiting for her parents to take her trick-or-treating, as Thomas was out with his boyfriend, she may have just gotten what she wished for.

For there was one ghost who wanted to tell her a little story…

Hello! Ley here to review this delightful work for you. Today, I’ll be using my 'Autumn-Themed Review Template'! We’ll begin with my initial impressions, then delve into the aspects that stood out like the vibrant hues of fall, and then get into the critiques. I hope you find this review insightful, and that you're enjoying the cozy charm of autumn, wherever you are in the world! Let’s dive in!

The First Signs of Autumn
I'm back to read more stories! This time, I can't wait to dig into Bethany's lore. Let's get into the good stuff, shall we?

A Golden Harvest

I love the vibe of this story--it's got a quirky and spooky charm to it! Bethany is such a fun character, especially with her "Queen of Darkness" attitude. You've done a great job capturing that youthful innocence mixed with a touch of dark humor. Her fascination with ghosts and how she's more curious than scared adds a cool twist.

Also, I love the contrast between her and her family. Thomas calling her an "edgelord" is hilarious, and her not knowing what it means but deciding it's a terrible thing is such a relatable sibling moment!

For there was one ghost who wanted to tell her a little story…

Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I will once again apologize as this will be a short one. However, I do hope that these thoughts could brighten your day nonetheless. Perhaps darkening your thoughts would be more fitting considering your leaning towards horrors. With that being said I should stop cracking jokes and start the review properly. Let's get into it, shall we?

Overall I found this an interesting read. I see we are back on our regularly scheduled horror stories. However, unlike your other horror stories, I am less afraid for the kid and more afraid of her. because that child is not okay I think the ghosts are more dangerous talking to her than they would be with any other kid in these types of plots.

Beyond that, I think the voice works pretty well considering the point of view. It is simple and oddly focused on getting revenge against those who wronged her. However, considering that she is eight and they focus on and get wrong by the weirdest thing It is realistic. I also like the small little bits of sibling banter we get in this as an older brother would totally call their younger sibling an edge lord.

I should know I am a younger sister after all. Also Is that a bit LGBTQ+ rep I see? very nice.

Now moving on to feedback, I promise there isn't much this go around. As always I just want to say that I am not a professional nor do you have to use anything I say. You are the author after all.

I won't go too much into it as it is mostly what I have said before. I do wish you had gone into more depth about the setting to help ground the reader. Things like sensory details or what the school looks like can help give the reader information on when this is set or what's to come.

Furthermore, I do wish we had more interaction through dialogue with Beth and her family. We do get hints at the start but I feel it could have been built upon a lot more. I feel it comes off more like telling when you could have shown it with a brief conversation.

Forgive me if that comes off as rude. Regardless this was an enjoyable peak into a curious mind. As always keep writing and remember to drink water!