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12+ Violence Mature Content

Ghost House:Part Two

by vampricone6783


*This is the sequel to a story I wrote called “Ghost House”. Gacha Club characters are on my wall. Enjoy, everyone!

Chapter One

In a dark, nearly forgotten house, was a little ghost girl named Samara Robinson. Little Samara was a mischievous ghost who was only four years old.

At least, she appeared to humans as mischievous.

She only wanted to have a little fun with them, not scare them away.

Never scare them away.

There was a family who lived here. A member of that family was a teenage vampire. His name was Cain.

She recalled him inviting his boyfriend, Thomas over for Halloween, because Thomas wanted to be with him and not celebrate Halloween. Thomas had powers to speak to the supernatural. He thought that he sent Samara to Heaven, to be with her family. He thought that the blue portal was a way to Heaven.

Silly Thomas! That portal didn’t do anything! It just sent her to the attic, where her Mom was! It must have been a very long time since he used his powers.

At least he tried. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t know that she was already with her family.

Boy, it sure was fun teasing those two.

But..they weren’t here anymore. They moved away.

She only had her Mom. Her Mom never came out of the attic. She always locked herself in it, crying.

Her Mom was a dark figure, with white eyes, white claws and white wings. Blood dripped out of her eyes.

Her Mom looked like a monster.

It broke the little girl’s heart that her mother was like that.

She remembered that after they died, her Mom vowed to haunt the person who killed them for the rest of their days.

Decades have passed and that person is dead now. Ever since then, she’s found nothing to do but hide and cry.

Suddenly, Samara heard a knock at the door, interrupting her tide of thoughts.



Chapter Two

Samara walked up to the door and opened it to find…

….other ghosts.

There were were two little kids who looked a bit older than her. They looked like they were six (she was four). Their eyes were white voids dripping with the excesses of water. Tears, perhaps? No, not quite. One water-eyed child was a girl and the other a boy.

The other two ghosts were a man and a woman, both bleeding and with some of sharp weapons stuck on their bodies. They held on tightly to the children. They must have been their parents.

There were more ghosts, too. A pretty bloody young woman in a purple dress and an older man and an older woman standing next to her.

The woman’s parents.

The very last ghost, although with a gray flower crown covering his eyes, bleeding, his brain sticking out from his head, huge, black, raggedy wings on his back and at a monster height, Samara could recognize him as…

“Dad?”

Her Dad smiled at her and embraced her in his arms.

“Yes, Samara.” He said, smiling.

“Dad!” Samara yelled happily.

Her Dad was back! After so many years, he was back!

Chapter Three

Myra (Samara’s Mom) heard what was going on downstairs and stopped crying. Her husband was back?! After fifty-eight years, he came?!

She ran down the stairs and to her delight, her husband, Hector, was back! Along with some other ghosts she didn’t recognize, but that didn’t matter, because he was back!

“What happened? What took you so long?” Myra asked him as he spun Samara in his arms.

“I’m sorry. Truly, I am. After I died, I couldn’t find you guys anywhere. In fact, I didn’t know that you were dead, like me and haunting this house until two little angels told me.” He gestured to the other kids, who beamed at him.

“They informed me of your whereabouts and I came straight over. I..I missed you guys. I’ve been…searching for you. I’m just glad the other kids told me about you guys.” Hector said.

“How did they know in the first place?” Myra asked him.

“You’re not going to like this, but one time, we were playing together and we saw your house. We peered in through the windows and saw you guys, talking to each other. We stayed long enough to hear your names and when we met Hector next to the bridge we fell off of-He died in the same place we did, isn’t that cool?!- We told him about you guys when he asked about you.” They said.

“Then why are there other ghosts here?” Myra asked.

“That’s what I wanted to talk about.” Hector said, finally putting Samara down.



Chapter Four

“I think we can explain that ourselves.” A bleeding woman with a weapon stuck in her body said.

The children’s mother.

“The people who killed us are coming back to haunt us, to torment us. This means that whoever killed you, Myra, might come back to haunt you. If we joined forces against our killers we would be unstoppable.” She said.

“How do you know my name and that I was killed?” Myra asked.

“Your husband, Hector, told me and the others about you and your daughter. When he was haunting the bridge, he followed this woman, who was you and your daughter’s killer. That’s all he saw of you, he hadn’t seen you after that. Until now.” The woman said, since the man wouldn’t speak for himself at the moment.

Myra glared at her as if she were some vicious, flirtatious woman who wanted to steal her husband, to that, the woman said, with a hint of annoyance in her voice:

“Don’t worry, I don’t want Hector. I’m already taken and I’ve got kids of my own, so you can stop looking at me like you want me dead a second time.”

With that, the woman wrapped an arm around her husband’s waist and brought her children close, as if to prove a point.

“We’re wasting precious time! Let’s just tell each who we are really quickly and then form a plan to stop our killers!” Hector yelled.

With that, the others followed him to the living room. Thank goodness he remembered where the living room was, given that it was fifty-eight years since he stepped foot in the house.

Chapter Five

“I’ll start. I’m Rosalie, the mother of these two kids, Helen and John. This is my husband, Anderson. I..I was murdered by this…a..horrible man..so was Anderson..the kids..” The woman that Myra had disliked with every fiber of her being earlier, Rosalie, couldn’t seem to finish her sentence.

Anderson placed a reassuring hand on his wife’s shoulder before continuing for her.

“The kids were pushed off a bridge, the same bridge that your husband, Hector, died in, by the same man who killed me and Rosalie. We only heard about it after we died, though.” Anderson said softly, as if he wished they heard about their children’s deaths earlier, before they died.

“I’m so sorry.” Myra said. She meant it.

It must have been horrible for the family to experience so much tragedy. Why, a family could hardly be a family with sadness and regret so lodged in.

That’s how she felt, anyway.

“Mommy, I forgot. How did Daddy die?” Samara asked innocently.

“I was driving the car on the bridge, see and there was a kid walking on it, so I swerved to avoid hitting him. The car fell off the bridge, with me in it and then I died.” Hector said.

“Okay, thanks for telling me!”

“You’re welcome, Samara.”

Samara turned to the pretty lady in purple.

“Tell us how you died!” She squealed excitedly.

“I was going to see a lover-“

“What’s a lover?”

“Someone you’re in love with, someone you’re dating.”

“Like a boyfriend?”

“That’s precisely what he was. Anyway, I was going to see him at this abandoned cabin and I was super excited, but-“

“But what?”

“He stabbed me with a knife and I died.”

“Ooh..cool!”

“Samara, that’s rude! You don’t say “cool” when people tell you how they died!”

“I’m sorry, Mommy, I didn’t know.”

Samara turned to look at the pretty lady in purple again.

“What’s your name?”

“My name is Elaine. Elaine Lawerence.”

“You have a pretty name.”

“Thank you, you do too.” She said.

“We’re Desdemona and Luke Lawerence. We died of old age..well, what was considered old age back in the day. See, in our time, people didn’t live very long.” The older man-Luke Lawerence-said.

Suddenly, a loud THUMPING noise interrupted the ghosts’ conversation.



Chapter Six

The ghosts followed the strange noise upstairs and found..

“Our killers. They’re back.” They all said in unison.

Chapter Seven

One by one, the ghosts began disappearing…



Chapter Eight

Standing in the room now was a white, bloody demon named “Nelson Williamson”, an older woman named “Diana Pierre” and an old man named “Alastor Davids.”

Nelson killed Elaine Lawrence back in the 1800s, to steal her money. His plan almost went well, but her annoying father killed him after he found out and now Nelson was a demon.

Diana was a homeless woman and her friend, Myra Robinson, helped her out by giving her money to start her own life, which was very generous of her, given that her husband died from a car crash and she had to take care of her daughter, Samara, alone. She had enough money for a house, clothes and food, but she wanted more from Myra. Money to indulge herself in. After all, that was what friends were for.

However, Myra stopped giving her money, saying that she had “a life and a daughter to attend to.”

So, Diana killed them, reported the police about their deaths (she did a fantastic job posing as a grieving friend and neighbor), said she was actually the last living member of Myra’s family alive and had taken her money and her house.

What a blissful, healthy and long life Diana lived. She lived to be eighty-seven years old.

Since she was a ghost, her old age wouldn’t affect her. She could still fight and hurt people, even in death.

That is, if she wanted to.

Now for Alastor. Alastor was just a normal man taking a walk on a bridge, when he saw two bloody rats peering over the bridge, gibbering on and on about the “pretty water”. Most people would call them two children, but he saw them as they truly were.

Filth.

So, he did the right thing and pushed them off the bridge, exterminating them. He even killed their parents too, for birthing them.

How did Alastor know they were their parents?

He had his ways…

Alastor was killed by Anderson’s ghost after his crimes, but still, Alastor lingered in Earth with boiling hatred.

These three ghosts were ready for some carnage.

“Come out, you worms!” They hollered together.



Chapter Nine

When the other ghosts had seen their killers, they had disappeared, one by one, scared out of their skulls that their killers were back and ready for more.

Myra was currently being choked by Diana, Rosalie and Anderson were desperately trying to protect their kids from Alastor, who was trying to stab them and Elaine, Desdemona and Luke were fighting off Nelson, who was trying to push them off the roof of the house.

Now, technically ghosts can’t die. They’re already dead.

Ghosts can’t be killed. But if they had people who intentionally (It has to be intentionally) killed them and were also dead, then if they have another power and coldness in their nonexistent veins, then they can kill them.

For good. Meaning the killers can erase other ghosts’ existence.

Which was what they were trying to do right now.

The only ghosts who weren’t in peril were Hector, Samara, Helen, and John.

It was now up to those four to save the others.

Chapter Ten

Hector, Samara, Helen and John drove the killers out of the house and out of their undead lives, because while the other ghosts could have done that all along and were trying to do that, they were also distracted by their rage that the killers were there and needed the help of the others.

So when they drove them out, they could finally “live” in peace.


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5 Reviews

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Reviews: 5

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Fri Feb 10, 2023 7:43 pm
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resting wrote a review...



I liked this story, it was intriguing and had many elements of surprise along the way. The chapters were all quite short but I think that does work in making the story fast-pacing. You could try just having it all as one story without chapters, as the reviewer below me said in their review. The structure you chose makes the story easy to digest, but it could also be beneficial to you to consider having the story as a single, uninterrupted narrative, as this would allow the reader to get a more 'immersive' experience, per se, of your story.
I must read the first story, but the characters seem interesting. You could develop them all a little more through more dialogue and internal thoughts.
Good job.




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235 Reviews

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Thu Feb 09, 2023 6:39 pm
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4revgreen wrote a review...



Chapter One:
I like the opening sentence

In a dark, nearly forgotten house, was a little ghost girl named Samara Robinson. Little Samara was a mischievous ghost who was only four years old.

I love the idea of a nearly forgotten house! I know this is a sequel, but I do wish you'd introduced the ghost in more of a spooky, ghost way, like within a description.

There was a family who lived here. A member of that family was a teenage vampire. His name was Cain

Rather than telling us that there is a family, show us through your writing! You could describe a busy family scene or a room in the house to give us a feel of who this family are and how they interact with the house.

Decades have passed and that person is dead now. Ever since then, she’s found nothing to do but hide and cry.

I feel so bad for Samara! I think this is a good opening chapter, but it is just a lot of telling and not much describing or anything happening. You also don't need to separate into so many chapters as this chapter is just the opening paragraph. It would be a lot more effective as one long short story.

Chapter Two:
Their eyes were white and they had water dripping out of them.

This is super creepy and you could have used metaphors, similes and description to make it even creepier by really describing this terrifying ghosts!

Chapter Three:
I really like the dialogue in this section, but I think it could do with some work! I want to feel the family dynamic and emotions behind this reunion!

Chapter Four:
Thank goodness he remembered where the living room was, given that it was fifty-eight years since he stepped foot in the house

You could expand here and describe his feelings as he returns to his house after so long!

Chapter Five:
The kids were pushed off a bridge, the same bridge that your husband, Hector, died in, by the same man who killed me and Rosalie. We only heard about it after we died, though.” Anderson said softly, as if he wished they heard about their children’s deaths earlier, before they died.

I wish the ghosts would elaborate more! I want to know more about what happened!

Chapter Six and Seven:
These parts were way too short to be considered their own chapters within the story!

Chapter Eight and Nine:
These are mostly just telling us what is happening, you have good ideas and your writing is clear and concise but it's just not the most captivating to read!

Chapter Ten:
Hector, Samara, Helen and John drove the killers out of the house and out of their undead lives, because while the other ghosts could have done that all along and were trying to do that, they were also distracted by their rage that the killers were there and needed the help of the others.

This seems like it should have been a focal point of the story; I wish the whole story had been focused on how the ghosts drove the killers out of the house and what happened, how they felt etc!

Overall:
Don't worry if I sound too critical or harsh, I really enjoyed your story! You have a skill for storytelling and coming up with awesome plots that are thrilling to read. Your characters are interesting but I only wish you'd creatively describe more rather than just telling the reader what is happening! You also really don't need to separate such small chapters out :-)

Keep writing! I can't wait to read more! :-)





Poems were like people. Some people you got right off the bat. Some people you just don't get - and never would get.
— Benjamin Alire Saenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe