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12+ Violence Mature Content

Helen and John’s story-Ghost House

by vampricone6783


*Helen and John are characters from my stories: “Ghost House: part two” and “Hector’s story-Ghost House”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*

Once, in the year 1933, two six years old named Helen and John, brother and sister, were standing on their town bridge, smiling and pointing at the ships that went by. They knew that they weren't supposed to go out unless they were with their parents, but...

But they wanted to be out and about! Where they lived, there were so many fun stores and fairs! And they wanted to see all of them!

Even if it meant breaking the rules.

But then again, the rules never meant anything to them.

Helen and John at the moment were having quite a ball watching the boats pass by. Who knew that so many people would be on them?

“What are you kids doing?" A man asked from behind them. He put both hands on each of their shoulders.

"Nothing, just looking at the boats.” Helen said. John didn’t like talking to strangers, but Helen knew that he was nice. His name was Alastor. He was their neighbor and he always gave Helen candy.

"Do you like looking at the water? Can you swim?" Alastor asked.

"No, silly!" Helen giggled. Really, he asked the silliest questions!

John looked a little scared. Like he wanted to run away. He shouldn’t be scared, Alastor was nice.

So why was he gripping their shoulders so tightly?

"Well, that's too bad, because you're going to have to." He said roughly.

Helen’s eyes went wide. For the first time in her life, she was at a loss for words. He always spoke gently.

Something wasn’t right.

Helen clasped John’s hand, about to run away, but-

Alastor pushed them off the bridge.

She screamed as she held onto John’s hand, the world around her fading away. The air was pushing her down. Helen felt the air pushing her down.

The blue ocean slammed into their bodies. It didn’t lap lovingly at them like it always did at the beach. It slammed into them.

Why did Alastor do it? Helen thought as she sank down below, never letting go of John’s hand.

…………………………………………..

Legend has it that two children white eyes and watery tears haunt the Oakley Bridge, scaring people into turning back. They say that the siblings don’t want anyone on the bridge.


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Thu Jun 22, 2023 5:04 pm
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Myah06 wrote a review...



Hello! I'm here after reading Rosalies Story-Ghost House, I enjoy that one and this short story did NOT disappoint.

I love how you were able to characterize Helen and John in such a classy way in a story that's rather short without info dumping. You also really know how to captivate your readers in both the shorts I've read of yours:

"Once, in the year 1933, two six years old named Helen and John, brother and sister, were standing on their town bridge, smiling and pointing at the ships that went by. They knew that they weren't supposed to go out unless they were with their parents, but..."

This first paragraph immediately makes me want to know what adventures are going to happen while their parents aren't around, and it creates tension because we know that it's not safe for kids that young to be out by themselves. I also adore your writing style, it's so easy to read yet so entertaining. The legend at the end perfectly adds to the mystique vibe I was getting throughout the entire story.

But, Alastor! Does he have an origin story? If so, I need it IMMEDIATELY. xD

Keep writing, your awesome!~




vampricone6783 says...


He doesn%u2019t yet have a story, but I will let you know when he does.

Thanks for reading!



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Tue May 09, 2023 5:15 am
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Liminality says...



Oh that's a sad story! It leaves me wondering the same question as Helen. I like that you built up the children's personalities a bit even in such a short story - I can tell Helen's quite a bit more trusting and naive than John.




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Tue May 09, 2023 12:54 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this was quite the little tale. A somewhat wholesome, somewhat haunting story this one. Its a somewhat rare mix to run into in one of these stories and I think yet it manages to deliver a punch that's just as effective and convey its message quite well.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Once, in the year 1933, two six years old named Helen and John, brother and sister, were standing on their town bridge, smiling and pointing at the ships that went by. They knew that they weren't supposed to go out unless they were with their parents, but...

But they wanted to be out and about! Where they lived, there were so many fun stores and fairs! And they wanted to see all of them!

Even if it meant breaking the rules.

But then again, the rules never meant anything to them.


Oooh well we've established quite the little situation there. Not too often that we get to see something quite this carefree at the very start of a story and certainly not too often when said thing does still also have a little hint of tension simmering there underneath. Loving the start so far to this particular piece.

Helen and John at the moment were having quite a ball watching the boats pass by. Who knew that so many people would be on them?

“What are you kids doing?" A man asked from behind them. He put both hands on each of their shoulders.

"Nothing, just looking at the boats.” Helen said. John didn’t like talking to strangers, but Helen knew that he was nice. His name was Alastor. He was their neighbor and he always gave Helen candy.

"Do you like looking at the water? Can you swim?" Alastor asked.


Oh dear that does not bode well there. Alastor here seems to be innocent but the way that he immediately gripped onto the two children and decided to ask that one specific set of questions is really quite concerning in this particular moment here.

"No, silly!" Helen giggled. Really, he asked the silliest questions!

John looked a little scared. Like he wanted to run away. He shouldn’t be scared, Alastor was nice.

So why was he gripping their shoulders so tightly?

"Well, that's too bad, because you're going to have to." He said roughly.

Helen’s eyes went wide. For the first time in her life, she was at a loss for words. He always spoke gently.

Something wasn’t right.

Helen clasped John’s hand, about to run away, but-


Oh dear well that bit of tension we were working with definitely rocketed right up off the charts with this one. Its pretty easy to see that now Alastor definitely did not take a hold of the two of them with any sort of good intentions in mind. Now the question is if they can somehow find a way to escape or at least just survive what's about to happen.

Alastor pushed them off the bridge.

She screamed as she held onto John’s hand, the world around her fading away. The air was pushing her down. Helen felt the air pushing her down.

The blue ocean slammed into their bodies. It didn’t lap lovingly at them like it always did at the beach. It slammed into them.

Why did Alastor do it? Helen thought as she sank down below, never letting go of John’s hand.

Legend has it that two children white eyes and watery tears haunt the Oakley Bridge, scaring people into turning back. They say that the siblings don’t want anyone on the bridge.


Well that ended about as well as one would expect. I had a glimmer of hope that just maybe one of them would know how to swim and manage to find a way to survive somehow but it seems there was no such luck. Well at the very least it seems this death was somewhat quick. The little legend there at the end is a lovely touch I think. It caps that off well and showcases the kind of attitude the two had in their moment of Death. At least it seems this existence isn't quite as tortured as other such murders tend t be.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall a pretty solid little short story. I think you do a pretty decent job establishing the two and their personalities in the short time we have and the force of the emotions there are captured really quite well there. For something of this size, I think this has done really well.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




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Mon May 08, 2023 12:49 pm
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Rose wrote a review...



Heyhey!

This story is quite intriguing and mysterious and I absolutely love it! The fact that you also wrote about the legend at the end gives this story a deep realistic feeling to it, which makes it even more interesting. I've noticed that in your stories you go back a lot to old ages which I happen to find fascinating, that also makes sure that your stories seem both realistic and mysterious.

*
Once, in the year 1933, two six years old named Helen and John, brother and sister, were standing on their town bridge, smiling and pointing at the ships that went by. They knew that they weren't supposed to go out unless they were with their parents, but...
*
To attract readers you need a very good introduction, and that you definitely have. After reading this, I was completely sucked into the world of this story.

You have a very big imagination and I can read all about it in your incredible stories. Your use of words is very precise and adds at some scenes a suspenseful layer to it. The attention to detail is very impressive. The names you chose for your characters aren't really rare, but they just fit with the story and are in some way unique. And the story isn't too long, but rather short and amazing.
You've mixed up a very fascinating potion that contains the ingredients mystery, suspense, intrigue and not to forget incredible. Such a story is not very common, yet very weird and different, and that is what I love.

Your work is a piece of art! Keep on doing what you do!


"Art is visible in many ways- some see it, some read it"
-Rose




vampricone6783 says...


Thanks! Glad you liked it!



Rose says...


Your welcome! Your stories are incredible!




Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
— Mark Twain