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12+ Violence Mature Content

Hector’s story-Ghost House

by vampricone6783


*Hector Robinson is the husband of Myra Robinson and father of Samara Robinson. He is from my story “Ghost house:part two”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*

In the 1960s, there was a young man named Hector Robinson. Hector had a wife named Myra Robinson and a little girl, his daughter, Samara Robinson.

Hector loved his family and had a content life.

But one night, when he was driving back home on a bridge from work at the supermarket, he saw two people standing in the middle of it. Two children, in fact.

Why were children on the bridge? What were they doing out there?

No time to think. He just couldn’t hit them.

He swerved right.

He got close enough to the children to see that their eyes were pale white. Filled with nothing.

Hector screamed as his car plunged into the murky waters below. Those children, at the bridge, they were just staring at him. There was water pooling from their eyes, just like the water that was constricting his lungs, muffling his screams, clouding his vision.

Something was squeezing his lungs out. No, that was just lack of air. That was all. Just like in the movies. He had to just unbuckle his seatbelt and get back to shore.

If there even was a shore. Was there a shore? He wasn’t at a beach, that was for sure.

His family was waiting for him at home. He had to get out. Where did his tears begin and the ocean end? Everything was going so dark…those children, they looked so miserable, like how Samara would be if he didn’t get out…get out…get out…

Hector Robinson was dead.

He was no more.


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Tue Feb 28, 2023 3:55 am
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Liminality says...



Hey there vampricone! Just thought I'd drop by to leave a comment! I like the turn in the story -- Hector's sense of morality/ care ends up with him dying. It's unexpected and suitable for the horror genre. I'm kind of left wishing we knew more about those children - I suppose it's something covered in one of your other shorts?




vampricone6783 says...


I will be posting a story about the two children and when I do, I%u2019ll tag you.

If you want to read about his daughter, read:%u201DSamara%u2019s story.%u201D

I also made a story about his wife called %u201CMyra%u2019s story%u201D if you%u2019re interested.

Thanks for reading!



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Sun Feb 26, 2023 3:11 am
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Horisun wrote a review...



Hello! Happy Review Day, I hope you're doing well!

Straight away, this piece had excellent pacing. I loved how quickly this escalated, and the man's final moments were particularly effective. Really, you nailed the descriptions, here!

While this short story did have your signature horror via the blank eyed children, it was the tragedy of the whole situation that really got me. Your final lines in particular really sent chills down my spine-

Hector Robinson was dead.

He was no more.


-though I'd might consider switching them around, since if he's dead, he's probably also 'no more.' So the second line is mildly less impactful since it's reiterating information the reader already knows. (Though, if in Ghost House: Part Two he makes a reappearance as a spirit, I might also consider framing it as, "For a moment, Hector Robinson was dead. But then, he wasn't." Or something along those lines to foreshadow his return. But honestly, what you have right now works really well, so take what I've said with a grain of salt. It's still entirely up to you!)

This is a minor nitpick, but there were one or two lines I couldn't quite suspend my disbelief for, which then took me a little bit out of the story. Such as these two[

Those children were just staring at him.


Where did his tears begin and the ocean end?


In the former quote, I'm not sure how Hector can see the children if he's underwater while they're on the bridge. In the latter quote, I might be wrong about this, but I don't think you can cry tears while you're underwater. You can sob, and swallow a crap ton of water, which would then speed up the drowning process! (That's the most morbid thing I've said all day, lol)

My favorite thing about your writing is how you're able to create such a big impact with a smaller word count. This is the perfect example. In only a couple paragraphs, you create a sympathetic protagonist who has a gruesome fate, and it works. However, I do kind of which we had a bit more time with him before the accident. Instead of two paragraphs summarizing his relationship with his family, maybe we have another couple paragraphs where we meet Hector at the supermarket while he reflects contentedly on his life. He makes sure to buy gala apples, because his wife and daughter hate the green variety. He grabs his wife some mint tea, because she's had a cold the last couple of days, that sort of thing.

That's just a suggestion, I think what you have works very well as it stands! However, by spending more time with our protagonist, we grow more attached to them, and care a crap ton more when they die!

All in all, I really, really enjoyed this! Bravo on writing another unsettling piece of fiction, this was a lot of fun to read! Once again, Happy Review Day, I hope you have a great day/night! :D




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Sun Feb 26, 2023 12:34 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! Well here I am for yet another series of these things, I have no doubt this will be just as interesting!

Anyway let's get right to it,

In the 1960s, there was a young man named Hector Robinson. Hector had a wife named Myra Robinson and a little girl, his daughter, Samara Robinson.

Hector loved his family and had a content life.

But one night, when he was driving back home on a bridge from work at the supermarket, he saw two people standing in the middle of it. Two children, in fact.

Why were children on the bridge? What were they doing out there?

No time to think. He just couldn’t hit them.


Ooooh well this is already starting off really strong there. I think you're setting the scene beautifully with this. The starting one liner works surprisingly well enough, especially in a story this short to tell us exactly who Hector is what he values while introducing what seems a bit like a trolley problem there with these two children and I love it. Its a wonderful start.

He swerved right.

He got close enough to the children to see that their eyes were pale white. Filled with nothing.

Hector screamed as his car plunged into the murky waters below. Those children were just staring at him. There was water pooling from their eyes, just like the water that was constricting his lungs, muffling his screams, clouding his vision.

Something was squeezing his lungs out. No, that was just lack of air. That was all. Just like in the movies. He had to just unbuckle his seatbelt and get back to shore.


I think you capture this quite nicely here. Its very fast paced which is very fitting for the type of accident that we're witnessing and we can see the immediate consequences take effect quite nicely there. I think you've done a great job bringing that to life alongside the earlier emotions at play for Hector to put himself in this position in the first place.

If there even was a shore. Was there a shore? He wasn’t at a beach, that was for sure.

His family was waiting for him at home. He had to get out. Where did his tears begin and the ocean end? Everything was going so dark…those children, they looked so miserable, like how Samara would be if he didn’t get out…get out…get out…

Hector Robinson was dead.

He was no more.


Well that ends as pretty much every origin story I seem to read from you ends, with our character dying. This was once again world's apart from what I've seen before. This is the first time I've seen someone die in a car accident while making a sacrifice like that in one of these stories and I think once again you capture it really nicely. We learn just about enough about Hector to understand his motives and the weight of his decision and then we get a nice long picture of said decision. You can't really ask too much more from a piece of this size. So overall I think you've done a wonderful job there.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate





"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
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