Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

Samara’s story-Ghost house

by vampricone6783


*This is the origin story of a character from my “Ghost House” stories. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*



Once upon a time, there was a sweet and kind girl named Samara Robinson. She lived happily with her Mommy.

Until, one day, when a letter arrived. Mommy read the letter fearfully and told Samara to be careful.

Samara didn't understand, but she listened to Mommy’s advice.

…………………………………………..……

Days had passed since the letter had come. And yet still, a knock came at their door.

Mommy was nowhere to be found, so Samara opened the door, to answer the peculiar knock.

To her horror, a lady in a vibrant orange cloak, was trapping Mommy in her arms and bringing a knife to her face.

"I told you to give me the money or you and your child dies!  I said it clearly in the letter!"  The woman shrieked maddeningly, eyes white with shock..or was it evil?

"And I told you that you should earn money by working, not by asking me for money! Samara..don't listen to her. Call help. Then, you RUN. Do you understand me?!"  Mommy asked, eyes having that same crazed quality as the lady, but somehow seeming…nicer?

Samara was scared for her life. This mean lady was going to kill Mommy and she was supposed to RUN?! She was supposed to leave?

"What about you?"  Samara asked softly, voice almost a whisper.

"Don't worry about me, just RUN! NOW!"  She yelled.

Samara ran upstairs to pack her things, crying. When Samara was safe behind the closed door of her room, she got to work.

And then, she could hear footsteps behind her. Maybe it was Mommy? Did she break free from the woman? Was it all a trick? A bad dream? Was she going to wake up?

She opened the door.



No.

It was the strange woman.

Before she could even scream, the woman grabbed her by her neck, pinned her to the floor and stabbed her more times than anyone could imagine. Her blood pooled the hardwood floors..



…………………………………………..…

Samara woke up somehow knowing deep inside that she was dead. She found her mother standing in the corner of her room, as if she were there all along. Mommy was entirely blurry black, like a shadow. No features could be made out, except for the rouge blood dripping down her face and her white eyes and white mouth.She had white, electric wings on her back.

Why did Mommy look like a demon?

"It's because I'm sad beyond your understanding. That was a friend, you see. She's going to steal our money because she has none. She killed us and now she's going to fake her identity and  pretend that she's family, so she can have the money and be "The last member of our family who is alive."  You don't understand and that's okay. I'll get back at her."  Mommy  said.

Samara went up to her and hugged her. She had Mommy with her and that was what mattered.

The sweet thing was unaware that on this very night, her Mommy vowed to haunt and torment her and her daughter's killer, forever, until the day the woman died, so that she could pay for her crimes.



It'd be a fate much worse than death itself. She'd make sure of it.

Because no one would kill her and her child without paying some kind of price.

NO ONE.


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3850 Reviews


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Fri Dec 09, 2022 2:27 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy well these stories really have remained as interesting and powerful as ever. This is one of the more brutal forms of death I've seen in one of these although this featured perhaps one of the sweeter moments to be seen at the ending in one of these too.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Alright it has been a while since I've taken a look at some of these origin stories here so I thought I'd dive back into a few of them since they are also pretty intriguing.

Once upon a time, there was a sweet and kind girl named Samara Robinson. She lived happily with her mother.

Until, one day, when a letter arrived. Her mother read the letter fearfully and told Samara to be careful.

Samara didn't understand, but she listened to her mother's advice.


Oooh well that is certainly not something that you see everyday when it comes to this sort of thing. Usually when a warning like that is provided often with enough evidence to understand people tend to quite quickly ignore it so this is a nice refreshing change here although I get the feeling it still won't be enough to save this person.

Days had passed since the letter had come. And yet still, a knock came at their door.

Her Mom was nowhere to be found, so Samara opened the door, to answer the peculiar knock.

To her horror, a woman in a vibrant orange cloak, was trapping her Mom in her arms and bringing a knife to her face.

"I told you to give me the money or you and your child dies! I said it clearly in the letter!" The woman shrieked maddeningly, eyes white with shock..or was it evil?


Oooh well that was quick and very direct. Wow I did not expect us to go in that direction. Usually the threats in these origins are bit more supernatural than a human with a knife threatening someone over money of all things.

"And I told you that you should earn money by working, not by asking me for money! Samara..don't listen to her. Call help. Then, you RUN. Do you understand me?!" Her Mom asked, eyes having that same crazed quality as the woman, but somehow seeming…nicer?

Samara was scared for her life. This strange woman was going to kill her Mom and she was supposed to RUN?! She was supposed to leave?

"What about you?" Samara asked softly, voice almost a whisper.

"Don't worry about me, just RUN! NOW!" She yelled.


Okayy well that seems like we've got the Mom here taking a bit of a stand. I have a feeling this isn't actually going to end particularly well mostly because none of these stories manage to end particularly well so let's see where this takes us.

Samara ran upstairs to pack her things, crying. When Samara was safe behind the closed door of her room, she got to work.

And then, she could hear footsteps behind her. Maybe it was her Mom? Did she break free from the woman? Was it all a trick? A bad dream? Was she going to wake up?

She opened the door.


That doesn't seem like a particularly good move there, I have a feeling its not going to be the mother on the other side but rather a certain bad fate that's waiting for poor Samara here, well let's see where this goes.

No.

It was the strange woman.

Before she could even scream, the woman grabbed her by her neck, pinned her to the floor and stabbed her more times than anyone could imagine. Her blood pooled the hardwood floors..


Yup that went exactly how I thought it would which is to say in a word, really, really badly. That was actually a hit more violent than I expected it to, but at the very least now I suppose its pretty easy to tell where the supernatural aspect is going to end up coming from here.

Samara woke up somehow knowing deep inside that she was dead. She found her mother standing in the corner of her room, as if she were there all along. Her Mom was entirely blurry black, like a shadow. No features could be made out, except for the rouge blood dripping down her face and her white eyes and white mouth.She had white, electric wings on her back.

Why did her Mom look like a demon?


Okayy well that is not something you see too often. Usually when we see a demon happening its not because they were the person that was just murdered. Well, it certainly opens up quite a bit here.

"It's because I'm sad beyond your understanding. That was a friend, you see. She's going to steal our money, because she has none. She killed us and now she's going to fake her identity and pretend that she's family, so she can have the money and be "the last member of our family who is alive." You don't understand and that's okay. I'll get back at her." Her mother said.

Samara went up to her and hugged her. She had her Mom with her and that was what mattered.

The sweet thing was unaware that on this very night, her mother vowed to haunt and torment her and her daughter's killer, forever, until the day the woman died, so that she could pay for her crimes.


Well that is more bittersweet than most endings you tend to run into with these stories, I will honestly take that because usually sweet isn't even remotely an option when it comes to these things.

It'd be a fate much worse than death itself. She'd make sure of it.

Because no one would kill her and her child without paying some kind of price.

NO ONE.


Yup that seems like a pretty valid declaration to make there after death, as much as its not exactly the greatest idea in the world to let yourself be consumed quite so much by the thought of revenge, it certainly works.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think we have ourselves quite a strong little tale here. Its a powerful little blend of a sort of slasher based thing coupled with a little bit more plot and motive than one of those usually involves and a bit more of an ending than those tend to have and as usually I really enjoyed it.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sat Dec 03, 2022 9:08 pm
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havengr1 wrote a review...



This story is very gripping! It has the potential to be an amazing book! But I do feel as though to get the whole story, the audience needs to know what was in the letter. As an origin story I do like it, but maybe trying adding more description just to draw out the story and capture more attention.

"Why did her Mom look like a demon?"

And you could maybe try adding how her mother could read her mind, as it seems a bit strange how she didn't even seem to notice it.

Sorry for the lecture, its over now i promise :)

Great storyline, I can't wait to read more!






Thanks. I will definitely add more stories to this one.



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Sat Dec 03, 2022 7:07 pm
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ImlayTheDay wrote a review...



This is a very saddening story.

One thing I would say is that you're using commas in a bunch of places where they shouldn't be. This isn't that big of a deal but when you read it, it becomes confusing. Commas are not just pauses in the story but they also have meaning. Like you use them as appositives. An example is: Monique's new book, Alice in Wonderland, finally arrived in the mail this morning. Where Alice in Wonderland is between the commas is an appositive. It's a describing form where you assume the reader doesn't know what you're talking about. One place in your story you could use this is "To her horror someone, a woman wearing a vibrant orange cloak, was trapping her Mom in her arms and bringing a knife to her face".

Sorry for the English lesson. I hope this helps! Your stories are great so keep up the good work!!






Thanks. I edited it.



ImlayTheDay says...


You're welcome! Glad to help!



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Sat Dec 03, 2022 9:11 am
Dipro says...



You could try making it a longer story.There is a sense of poignancy here but you could try expounding on it.The characterization of the mother is insightful.The finality of his eternal ordeal is well-felt,even with only one sentence.





Percy fell face-first into his pizza.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena