Thomas’ story-Ghost House

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well a interesting little origin this one, looks like a horrifying moment but one that was prevented just a little bit but it seems it won't hold forever there if the ending is anything to judge by.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

Once, there was a little six year old boy named Thomas who could see ghosts. Thomas had many friends. One was Elaine Lawrence, a young woman who lived in the 1800s. Others were two little kids named Helen and John. They lived during the 1930s. He had many more friends who were ghosts, but it was difficult to keep track of them all.

Thomas was never allowed to talk about the ghosts at school, as nobody would believe him. Mom said that she could see the ghosts too, but that it was better to keep quiet than to talk about it. Dad knew, but he couldn’t see the ghosts at all. He only wanted to support his family.

Well seems like a simply enough start there although of course we've got some very casual ghost action to go alongside it and it seems the ghosts are also off limits to Thomas as well on top of it. Certainly seems like a recipe for something interesting.

All went well, for the most part. Thomas played with his friends, his friends kept him entertained.

That was, until Alastor showed up.

Alastor was the ghost of a sad man gone bad. A tortured man, a changed man.

And like any tormented ghost, Alastor tormented Thomas. Nightmares upon nightmares of a glass shard being plunged into his stomach as he lay in a house rotting away, stinking of spoiled food. Thomas would scream, Thomas would cry, Thomas would throw a fit.

Well that is definitely not great. You don't want to be suffering with something like that day and night for sure no matter what rules are in place although it seems poor Thomas can't really do a whole lot here.

It all boiled up to a point where Mom had to intervene. Where Mom had to expel Alastor away with a flood of good, pure energy.

But Alastor disappearing wasn’t enough for the young boy. He still had nightmares, he still had the phantom pain of being stabbed. Even his ghost friends couldn’t help him.

Mom had to do the only right thing she knew to do, the only way to get rid of Thomas’ pain, even if it hurt.

Well looks like the mother really came in good there to chase away the bad ghosts, not a move I saw coming but a loving addition to have here. We'll hope that maybe this can save Thomas but it looks like it wasn't enough.

She very gently told the ghosts to give Thomas some space, to try and find their way to the afterlife. Then, she erased Thomas’ memories of having the ability to see ghosts. Without the memories, Thomas wouldn’t know who was a ghost and who wasn’t.

Mom thought that Thomas would be able to handle the ghost life. How foolish of her. Ghosts weren’t appropriate for a child.

Thomas forgot about his ability, he forgot about the nightmares, and he was happy as could be.

But that was years ago.

Ooooh well that's an interesting moment. Bit of a strong decision to make without even consulting Thomas but then given the sheer horror there and the fact he's only a little boy, that's probably a good idea to save him the horrors then although he probably should be taught about it when he's older.

Thomas is sixteen now.

He has a little sister named Bethany now.

Thomas can’t hide from ghosts forever. For though he may forget, the ghosts remember.

The ghosts always remember.

Well that's a chilling ending as it seems that Thomas is actually now old enough to be knowing about this and its right when the ghosts seem to be trying to catch wind of him again. That doesn't appear to end terribly well.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall I think you did a great job here, bringing up what they tried to do to protect Thomas and then how it would prove inadequate before finally drastic measures were taken. All in all a lovely storyy.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate

Hello, Vampricone! I'm back to review another story of yours.

This story is a relatively simple premise that builds up quite the potential for a compelling follow-up. It establishes the basics of the universe and introduces us to Thomas and a future conflict. Based on Ghost Story, I'm assuming this is the prequel of the character with the same name. However, if I'm wrong please correct me. Operating on that assumption, however, this story serves its purpose well. I walked away understanding Thomas. With that said, let's get into it.

They...

The main thing that bothers me about this story is that you have a lot of words that are randomly italicized. Normally in narratives, italics are used to show internal thoughts or to show emphasis, especially in dialogue. So using them randomly throughout the narrative makes the words that should be emphasized feel less important.

He only wanted to support his family.

We love a supportive dad. Good for him.

Nightmares upon nightmares of a glass shard being plunged into his stomach as he lay in a house rotting away, stinking of spoiled food.

This is a fun call-back to Alastor's story as well as a great source of imagery. It paints a powerful scene so the readers have a better idea of what's happening to Thomas.

The ghosts always remember.

This is a good example of using italics to emphasize a sentence. The italics here make the sentence more powerful and leave a bold impression.

Overall, this is a well-written prologue that ties Thomas' story in with Alastor's. It plays its role in the larger narrative well and it only has one issue that I would say needs correcting. Well done! Thanks for publishing; I enjoyed reading.

Happy Writing!
Wist