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12+ Violence Mature Content

Ghost house

by vampricone6783


*This is another story I made. Enjoy! I have Gacha Club character photos on my wall.

…………..



Hello, my name is Thomas and I hated Halloween. I lived in a town that LOVED Halloween, however.Why did I hate Halloween,you ask?

Well, I used to love it.But one night, when I was eight years old, I went to open the refrigerator to get a glass of water,but then a BLOODY CLOWN WITH A KNIFE popped out of nowhere and said:"HAPPY HALLOWEEN!" Being eight years old, I thought it was real and cried like a baby.Soon after,I learned that the clown was just my Dad in a bloody clown costume and that he was trying to have fun with me.That's not the worse of it.This town celebrates Halloween EVERYDAY,even when it Christmas! It's so annoying! So,I lose a little piece of my sanity at this time of year.

My little sister,Bethany,loves Halloween and so do my parents.They make a big show out of it every year.

I wasn't going to take any part in this vulgar holiday,so I decided to stay in my boyfriend's house to not take part in it.

Too bad that house was more scarier than Halloween itself.

………………..

I was eating dinner with my boyfriend in his mansion,when all of a sudden,I heard something creak.

"It's just the house.It's old." Cain said.

That's what everyone says."It's just old." Next thing you know,your head is impaled on a street post. But maybe I need to grow up a little...

Suddenly,a figure floated in the room. It was a little girl with long black hair and matching dark eyes.She looked like a ghost.

The ghost floated to us.She was hovering over the table.We dropped our forks and looked at her.

"What is happening?" We asked in unison.

The ghost was inches from our faces...she was getting closer...closer...

"GIVE ME BACK MY TOY!" She screamed.

"What toy?" We asked, but she disappeared.



………………….

We went to bed and ignored the girl we saw hovering over the table and said it was just an illusion.

But then,that very girl was hovering over the bed.

"Uhhh...Cain..I think you should see this..." I pointed to the hovering thing.

He looked at it and his eyes bulged.

"I WANT MY TOY!" She screamed.

"We don't have your toy! What does it look like? We'll find it for you." We said.

She turned to look at me.If she could be creepier than Bethany,she was.She opened her mouth and sneered.

"Before you find my toy, I want to have some fun!" She yelled.

"What kind of fun?" We asked.

"This kind of fun!" She flew to my body and possessed me! (I think. I don’t remember a single thing that happened after she flew to me).



……………………….

The ghost girl had control of my body now! She did crazy things,too.She stuffed food in my mouth, made me scream at the top of my lungs and god knows what else.I don't remember,it was blurry.But I remember Cain telling me that I sang.

Anyway,she left my body.Cain found a porcelain doll with soft black curls.

"Is this your doll? I found it in the attic." He said.

She smiled.

"YESS! Thank you! My name is Samara and I'm going to expose your secret,Cain." Samara said.

"What secret?" I asked her.

………………..

"Uhh...dude,you should know that.." Cain was saying.

"HE'S A VAMPIRE!" She interrupted.

"Is this true?" I asked him.

"Yes,it's true.I'm a vampire. I turned into one last year,at the Halloween party...somebody bit me...made me a vampire.." He looked embarrassed to say it.

"I still love you even though you are a vampire." I said.

"Really?" He asked.

"Yes, I will always love yo-"

"THIS IS ALL SO NICE AND ROMANTIC,BUT YOU HAVE A SECRET TOO,THOMAS!" Samara screamed.

"Really?" We asked at the same time.I didn't have any secrets!



………………….

"It's really simple, actually.You can see ghosts." She said.

I thought for a moment.That was strange.Me and Cain could both see ghosts,right?

"Can you see this ghost?" I asked him.

"I didn't want to tell you,but no. I can only hear her voice." He said.For the first time,I noticed that he wasn't looking straight at Samara.

"Your Mom can see ghosts too.You inherited it from her." She said.

I could see...ghosts? Wow,this was new.

"Wait,how do you know all this?!" I asked her.



………….

"It's simple.I have lived in your house.Then I died and decided to live here.But,I saw your Mom with her powers and I knew you had powers and I thought it would be fun to reveal secrets." She said.

When I turned to look at Cain,he disappeared.

So did Samara.

But then I saw a blue light..

…………………..

I followed the strange blue light to the balcony.To my surprise,I found Samara hovering above Cain.She made him levitate off the ground with her powers.

"Ring around the rosy,a pocket full of posies,ashes,ashes,we all fall down."She kept singing that song in a creepy voice.

"HELP ME THOMAS!" He screamed.

I leaped at him to save him,but then the girl hissed at me and scratched my face.I fell down.

He was still screaming.

It appeared that she was making him barf out all the blood he sucked,since he was a vampire.It was draining him,killing him.

I hated to watch him suffer,but every time I tried to save him,she would stop me.

……………..

This whole event was scarier and weirder than any Halloween could ever be.I had to save him,I couldn't lose him to the ghost girl.

But obviously this girl wasn't truly at peace.What could I do to help her?

Then it came to me.

"How would you like to see your family?" I asked.

She stopped hurting him.

"I would love to see my family.But they are in Heaven." She said.

I raised my hands and somehow opened a portal to heaven.

She looked at it curiously and floated to it.Then,she disappeared.

Just like that.

She was gone.



…………….

I ran to Cain to see if he was okay.He was shivering in the cold. I wrapped my arms around him to keep him warm.

His lips were parched.I raised his head to my neck so he could have blood to suck.

"No... I couldn't..." He said.

"You don't have a choice." I protested. I put his head closer to my neck and he gratefully sucked my blood.

"This whole experience was....weird.That girl gave me the creeps.But the important thing is that we are both okay and we both survived Halloween.We also have an interesting story to tell others.The best part is,no one would believe us,but we would know the truth.But..you have to promise me something." I said.

"What?" Cain asked.

"I found out your secret from that girl.I also found out that I could see ghosts from that girl.But I want us to be comfortable telling each other our secrets.So no more secrets,okay?" I asked him.

"No more secrets." He said.

And then we kissed.

Characters in Gacha Club:

This is Thomas (I couldn’t fit him on my wall):


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Sun Sep 11, 2022 2:23 am
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Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I enjoyed this story! I also liked how you included a little character image at the end, too—I found it was quite helpful. I think the plot to your story was nicely thought through and very much Halloween-y. I was never too confused about what was happening, which was also nice!

One thing I liked about this was your ideas! I think the whole premise of this story is very original and fun— Thomas makes such a fun protagonist because he's surrounded by something he hates: Halloween. I also liked the humor that was also present; even though much of the subject matter was spooky, the way you told it was fairly funny, and your "villain" wasn't very villainous. The way Thomas also discovered something about himself at the end was great, too—I'm curious if you have any other stories about his ability to see ghosts, since this one felt like just the beginning.

The one thing I would say is that I'm not sure how necessary it is to be split into so many chapters. If anything, they made the story's flow feel interrupted. Since it's such a short work, I don't think you need to separate it into chapters, because the length of it doesn't warrant that, and also it messes up the flow.

Another thing was that I felt you could have shown us, not told us, a bit better. I felt like this story could have been scarier. You're using a lot of adverbs, which aren't terrible, but if you used more imagery and descriptions, you could really place your reader into the narrative. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but it almost felt like a story one would tell aloud; it was definitely more of a narrative than a work of prose. In a way, it felt like a story someone would tell around a campfire. There are definitely a lot of opportunities to expand on in this; I thought that the part where Thomas was possessed was glossed over slightly and treated super nonchalantly, same with the part about him opening a portal to heaven. I'd like more details about both of those events, and also several others in your story. You've got a nice outline here, and I want to challenge you to really flesh out your settings and actions using strong words that make a movie in the reader's head. Right now, I'm not exactly getting that.

Overall: nice work! I think you've got a really spooky concept that could really be elevated if you reworked some of the prose and narration. You have a great base to work off of, so with I little bit more work, I think this could be improved greatly! I hope to read more of your work soon! Until next time!!




vampricone6783 says...


Thanks. This is the first story. This is the beginning.



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Fri Sep 02, 2022 8:47 pm
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creaturefeature wrote a review...



hi there!

just a warning; i have not reviewed in a long time, so yeah.

so anyway, i've read some of your work before i think! i know some of the storylines, but i don't recall if they're connected? at least, i don't think so. i remember some christmas stories, and with the holiday season coming up, it's always fun to see halloween-y stuff! it's one of my favourite holidays, and it's very easy to write about for sure.

let's just get into this more :

Hello,my name is Thomas and I hated Halloween.I live in a town that LOVED Halloween,however.Why do I hate Halloween,you ask?


interesting character introduction; i think most stories that start with a "hello, my name is ___" can be a bit cliché? the whole halloween theme kind of takes away from that though, because holidays are a lot different. then, there's the hating halloween aspect. i see that a lot in halloween/the autumnal season writing! not a bad thing, but it's definitely something to take into consideration if you worry about that kind of stuff.

But one night,when I was eight years old, I went to open the refrigerator to get a glass of water,but then a BLOODY CLOWN WITH A KNIFE popped out of nowhere and said:"HAPPY HALLOWEEN!"


oh! well i was not expecting that! it's really a twist, and honestly it's surprising. i assume that was a lot for eight year old thomas. i would also hate halloween after that!

i'm a bit unsure how that even came up though? first chapter is the best time to introduce a character's motivation for certain actions/feelings, but this is the first (actual) paragraph. i'm also just unsure of the physics of everything; was the clown hiding in the fridge? if so, that's even more genuinely confusing to me! i'd flesh that scene out maybe.

Too bad that house was more scarier than Halloween itself.


exciting! it's great to leave chapters on cliffhangers of sorts to create suspense, but i'd also like to mention that this isn't quite a chapter ending, because it's not quite a chapter at that point. lengths differ based on the writer, of course, but that whole chapter before that could've been one or even two paragraphs. what i say here is true for the rest of the story, so i'd reconsider possibly using the word chapter there.

"HE'S A VAMPIRE!" She interrupted.


jeez! first there are scary clowns, now there are vampires. i like the supernatural aspect of these characters because it adds diversity. halloween is obviously the perfect place for adding into supernatural elements too because, well, yeah it's halloween. i think the dynamics of the characters seem pretty natural, and even considering that a big twist came up with the realization that there is a vampire among us, there's no real beef.

"THIS IS ALL SO NICE AND ROMANTIC,BUT YOU HAVE A SECRET TOO,THOMAS!" Samara screamed.


genuinely, how does thomas not realize? i think ghosts are pretty major and probably important to know about! i've seen that trope a lot though, with someone not being aware they can see/communicate with ghosts. i'm not the biggest fan of it, but it can be interesting! i'm also just a sucker for ghosts, so i mean i can be picky sometimes.

And then we kissed.


cute! i think the ending wraps things up pretty well!

last thing to mention though; the amount of ALL CAPS and punctuation errors make this really choppy and hard to read at times. i'd try to cut out at least the capitalization if you can because sometimes it might not be received well!

anyways, happy revmo!
- mothbroth




vampricone6783 says...


Thank you for your review!

The clown was just his Dad in a scary Halloween costume.

I%u2019ve got more Halloween stories coming up in the future. :>




You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself. What you say is completely up to you.
— Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time