some splinters, some splinters i pull free, and though i feel the wound, it heals.
some splinters, some splinters i cannot pull free, and they live, and they fester,
and they penetrate my body. some my soul. burdened by time, and ignored by
mind, selective mind. they dig, and they dig, and they dig into me, carving
slithering wounds in my skin, my flesh, my deep, dark meat, until they reach
bone.
there, there they remain, growing larger and larger, multiplying in
numbers, and time makes my bones grow tired. heavy. arms relentless,
teeth clenching, there's a splinter in the back of my mind, that i just can't
reach.
always out of bounds, always hidden out of sight, always cropping up
where it don't seem right.
suppose each one has a name, every last splinter, and as more names
and events and places occur, they slowly hollow me out, leaving me a stiff,
walking shell of who i used to be.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,521 Literary Works • 672,596 Reviews
Hey Birkhoff, here for a Review Day review,
Positives:
I must say, you've done a great job of writing this so that I feel like I've got splinters in my head right now XD At first I thought that it was just bad writing, but after this first stanza, I quite enjoyed reading it because of the terrible sensation I feel when I do. Good on you for that one.
I also very much enjoyed this imagery of turning each splinter into a person or a time in your life, and talking about how they are eating away at you. Sounds like regret and guilt, and when I think of wounds that fester in the soul and the mind, those are the ones. Very applicable to literally every person on the planet.
Negatives:The only thing that I didn't really like was that I still don't know why you wrote this. I mean, it doesn't feel like art for the sake of being art, and I get the vibe that something more is supposed to be here, but I fear that unless I really sit down and think about it for a long time, I won't come to any conclusion as to what it is you wanted me to take away.
Perhaps you wanted it to be that way, but thought I'd point that out to you.
Overall:Good poem.
I give it:
Penandsword here with a review.
First of all, I'm amazed with the imagery. It's amazing how many meanings and descriptions you create with just the word 'splinter'.
A pet peeve of mine is the grammar (lowercase I's and such) but if it's an art choice then just leave it.
I enjoyed the rhythm and the length of the sentences, but it occasionally feels jerky when you put a one-or-two word sentence in the middle of a paragraph. Especially because it's not consistent, I'd say try to work it in.
Really good though. Vivid and sharp, 9/10.
-Pen
I didn't think I would enjoy this poem because of its long-phrase structure, but I actually really did! The poem was really emotional and touching. The repetition of the word dig really exemplified the total picture. I also really liked the choice to change the size of stanzas, as well as the plethora of imagery you use (flesh, dark meat, bone, etc). Thank you for contributing this poem!