Faithless
Do I seem faithless
to you?
Well you don’t see what I see
do you?
Your misguided judgement
and silly rants.
Is all but obstacles
to my inner vision.
I have watched the world,
and it’s ugly,
raw, and loud.
Nothing but evil.
Your superstitions keep you sheltered,
and hidden out of view.
My steady calm guides my hand.
Oh, will you ever understand.
I remember very little good.
And a lot of bad.
Lights in the tunnel, yet darkness remains.
Chaos reigns supreme, always.
But wouldn’t it be nice,
if we all put our faith,
in each other.
Instead of something dubious.
Despite my skewed view,
I do believe in us.
A faith in mankind,
For better or worse.
But,
some heroes are we.
To get this far,
and just stop.
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139,529 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
Hello and Happy Review Day!
The beginning of your poem had a sort of clunky feel to it- though not necessarily in a bad way. The way you broke up the lines could be considered jagged, but in this poem, I think it gives it a feel of being raw and unguilded; just the truth and nothing fancy, or like someone's thinking of the words on the spot, just saying what they honestly feel, which is interesting, but then right around the fourth stanza, the stanzas start to fill out, line length evens, and it has the rhythm and breath normally expected in the poem. I'm not really seeing a reason for the change in line variance within the poem, so I would suggest being more consistent with that.
I don't understand why you have a period after 'and silly rants' because it seems the next line is still a part of that sentence.
Part of the poem seems disjointed; you start by talking about faithlessness and how they aren't, but then you completely change subjects for a few stanzas before tying it all together at the end quite beautifully, but there are a few stanzas in between before you explain what the confusion has to do with faithful/less-ness. Then the last stanza, which is quite profound on its own, also feels completely unrelated with the rest of the poem which is odd. I'd almost suggest writing a whole poem based off this last stanza because it's truly the most beautiful and deep one in this poem, but it doesn't really fit with the rest.
Overall I liked the message of this poem; that someone who is jaded can still have faith in humanity, individuals, etc. (I know it's more complex than that because this poem touches on a complex sort of dichotomy; that's the simplified message.) It reminds me a lot of a character sketch of flash fiction; I really feel connected to the character. It feels like he/she's yelling or fighting with someone (the 'you' referred to in the first stanza) which is really interesting. I LOVE it when poems tell stories/ parts of a story. I did enjoy this poem.
Hope this review helped. A Merry Review Day to all, and to all a good night.
-tgirly
Thanks for reading!
Yeah, I'm not such a big poet. And I have no idea why I put a period there. The obvious thing would be to slap in a comma and decapitalize the next word. O.o
Hi, this is Em101cats!
I read a lot of poems, and a lot of poems are about this. But you gave it your own personal name-tag and made it original and unique. Great work!
Nitpicks:
When you said,
I think the 'Is' should be 'It's,' to make much more sense. But that's okay, you only left out a t!
I think that this sentence doesn't flow very smoothly. I think that you should change it to "Chaos always remains supreme." Just my opinion, however, you can keep it the way it is if you want to.
Other than those two nitpicks, this is perfect! Don't change the rest of it please! Great job. I hope I helped you today with this review!
~Em101cats~
Great poem, I think that the "to you" and "do you are nicely linked, although they should be capitalised at the beginning. Also, there should be a full stop at the end of the second stanza.
In the fifth stanza, "I remember very little good." that sentence doesn't really flow, consider replacing it with something like " Very little I remember is good" or something along those lines.
To round off, I think that it's a nice poem, and it really delivers an inspiring message.
Well done, keep it up!
You all reviewed this before I could finish editing it!
)
Thanks for reading and commenting on it!
(And welcome to the new dudes
Hello! Ninjawaffles here! Your poem is very good. There is just a couple of things I would like to point out.
In the first stanza, in the second line, the "to" in "to you" is not capitalized like the "Do you". I think the "to" needs to be capitalized so the flow of the poem can continue (and it just looks a lot better that way).
I feel like "I have watched the world" should really be "I have seen the world" just because it seems more fitting (for me, this is just my opinion).
In the last stanza, I think the first line should be a little more than just "but". In a way, it kind of looks or feels a bit empty.
The flow of the poem is kind of pushed aside for that line, so maybe if you can find anything to put into that line, it would be a lot better.
Otherwise I think this poem is very well written! 7/10 stars from me and definitely keep up the good work!
From your description, I'm guessing this is for NaPoWrMo. Is it?
Well, no matter what, I really enjoyed this poem. I'm gonna review stanza by stanza.
"Do I seem faithless
to you?
Well you don’t see what I see
Do you?" Okay, a few questions. Why isn't "to" capitalized if every other word in this stanza is? This third line should be changed, too. It doesn't flow.
Next stanza is fine. I love it
"I have watched the world
And it’s ugly
Raw, and loud
Nothing but evil" You should change the first line to "I have seen the world" That works better.
"Your superstitions keep you sheltered
And hidden out of view
My steady calm guides my hand
Oh, will you ever understand" Maybe you could change the last line to "Will you ever understand?"
Next two stanzas are fine as well.
"Despite my skewed view
I do believe in us
A faith in mankind,
For better or worse" I don't like the third line. I'm sorry, I don't know what you should add.
"But
Some heroes are we
To get this far
And just stop" Change the first line to something more than "but"
Aside from that, it was a great poem! I love your tone and storytelling. Great job!
Alex out!