Can you pack your whole life into a suitcase?

Hey, Birk~ So I'm no big shot at reviewing poetry, but you haven't received much constructive criticism here and I thought I'd leave a quick review.

So, overall, I really like this; I like the way your poetry is so dead honest and relatable, and I like your sense of enjambment because it flows naturally (to me, at least). One thing I noticed was that while your sentences are capitalised, there are places where your "I"s aren't. I'm guessing this was done purposefully, and I'm wondering what purpose it's meant to serve. My take on this is that the capital 'I' shows the narrator's certainty, whereas when the narrator is uncertain, the 'I' is lowercase.

Of course, this could all have been completely unintentional and I'm just making too big a deal out of it.

Now that I've rambled on enough about ayes, I'll comb through the entire piece once.

i: Not much to say about this one. I'm not fond of the beginning much because at first it struck me as this is familiar, and then I've seen this before and it's verging on the cliché side. I do like the follow-up, where you have all this lovely night-time, internet-devourers' imagery, but the beginning could be stronger, I think. I don't know; it doesn't really reel me in as much as the next few verses do, and I think you'd be better off without the 'I was happy' tagged onto what is a wonderfully bitter segment.

The comma after 'caught up' strikes me as unnecessary, too.

ii: I'm not a big fan of this part; it reads pretty awkwardly. I also dislike the beauty + beast cliché--you can honestly do better. If you want to keep the cliché, I'd suggest twisting it to your advantage in some manner, perhaps by expanding on it or somewhat. As it is, I don't really like it. I think you need to work on this one and smooth out the fragments because they just lend a hand to the colossal amount of confusion (unless that's what you were going for). I'd also suggest creating more of a connection between the first and second segments; it would strengthen the poem's overall structure.

iii: I actually like the fragmentation in this one, because it doesn't sound nearly as awkward, and because things are a lot clearer here than they were in the last part. Also, 'a proverbial big bang' is lovely to read.

I think part two and three stick out the most in this piece, maybe because of the fragmentation which just makes them look as though they've been carelessly written. Besides that, I adore part four--the emoshun is so tangible, guuuh.

Nothing to say about part five either. I like it a lot, in general.

Hope this helped a little~ Keep writing; keep it up!

~Pomp

I can relate to this, I have moved a lot in my life. You are really good at writing your feelings and telling a story in your poem. The emotion felt genuine for the concept of this poem. I like the last part the best because it all came together. I felt very positive toward the poem. The poem was well organized into simple stanzas that told us the story in the way a puzzle does. It was enjoyable.
Good work!

Wow, what a great poem! You are truly talented! I liked how the title doesn't quite make sense until the very end of the poem and the overall feeling of the poem was great. Reading this made me feel like i was with the love of my life or a best friend. I hope to read more of your writings in the future! Nice Job!


Arianna

Wow! This poem was very thoughtful. At first I did not understand the title at all, which pulled me to your story. Now that I have read through it, I can tell what you mean by the "suitcase". This poem was powerfully described and gave me many images in my head as i read it. I felt very compassionate towards the couple and their relationship. The poem was organized clearly into stanzas that represented parts of the character's life. It flowed very well for me and was enjoyable for me to read. Keep writing! :^)

Oh my gosh. This is amazing. I would try and give a better review than that but honestly, I don't think there's much you could do to improve it. Outstanding.

Normally I have so much to say but this...brilliant! Don't change 1 thing! It has succeeded at drawing pure raw unadulterated emotions out of my very soul and leaving me spellbound with the imagery. Bravo! And as you may conclude from my other reviews I rarely have only good things to say but this is polished, and perfect!

Heyyaaaa, okay so, this is a really nice composition, now I'm gonna start critiquing it okay lol jk

Punctuation. I not i. Space out your words and let them breathe, you what I mean? Like don't just rush it all up. Go slow with it. Okay it might be a way of writing it maybe, but it lost it's charm because of rushing through. Your ending was okayyy not up to the mark of the other stanzas.

You're making a mistake that I usually make. Very choppy and short, don't do this. Either lengthen your lines or merge them. I'm not so good at writing myself, so really sorry already.

And, choppiness has its own delight in little amounts, your post had too much of it. Work on that, otherwise it was brilliant.

Keep writing and stay blessed

Birkhoff, this is . .. amazing. I just read your review on another authors work, praising it, so I thought I would return the favor. If I am not mistaken, you are using the concept of the suitcase to represent feeling/life experience? Please, correct me if I am wrong about it, that is just how I am interpreting it, and heaven knows how bad I am at that! I like how you used the italics at both the beginning and end, bringing this poem in a full circle. The short sentences make this both an interesting and engaging read, as well as giving an different feel to the process of reading. The way you set this poem up, with the roman numerals to divide it was interesting as well, and personally, I liked this style very much. For some reason, this poem just draws me in, probably because I have felt like the poem is describing, and it is just a very well done piece. Chow!