Fun fact before I go reviewing; I searched up the meaning of bedroll. Why can't you just say sleeping bag? D: Oh wait, it's for the rhyme. Maybe. Never mind.
The first stanza is okay. Not particularly attention grabbing, but it makes for a nice setup with a clear imagery. The use of bedroll instead of bed makes it clear that the atmosphere is different than the usual one when you want to sleep soundly in your room. People usually use bedroll when they're outside because of outdoor activities. So, why is the You outside? Let's continue reading.
The second stanza brings bad vibe. I don't get it when it says You want time to swallow them simply because time is an abstract concept and fitting it into this sentence opens many interpretations, which is a contrast with the first stanza. In terms of meaning, it is not clear. But in terms of developing the atmosphere, it's efficient. Maybe You want to die, who knows.
The next two stanzas are closely related to each other, so much so that they can be merged into one. We are introduced to the second character, She, who seems to be a bad person, because of her clingy-ness ('while you thought she'd let/go of your soul') and the You responds to it by hiding in their hole. It's a clear depiction of an unhealthy relationship, of a person who can't leave an attachment, and another who can't seem to decide how to solve the issue. Oh well. It's sad.
The stanza after that about You's former self being unrolled demands an elaboration. If this meek, scared You is You's current self, then their former self is something else entirely? Perhaps, being confronted by this clingy She, You acts irrationally, perhaps even resorting to violence to reject She? Or maybe, You secretly wants to be held in She's hand and relishes the sensation of being wanted and needed, even if the needing is obsession? So many questions and no answer! I am not satisfied. *insert angry emoticon*
The repetition of the last stanza, 'I was taking control' clearly the best line in this poem. The colour red applied to it, while being a style that against my personal preference (I like the words in black, thank you very much), works here. It is a visual change of anger, of dominion, and this transition cannot be sufficiently captured by italicisation or words in bold. We're introduced to another character, the I, who has been watching You, and we wonder, who is I? Is it a personification of something that belongs to You? Fear? Or is it a real person? Whoever or whatever I is, I personally think that the line carries so much emotion and that I cannot be messed with!
The consistency of rhyming is A+. Love it, worship it, I'll give it all the kisses I have, and yeah, do more of this structured poem. Rhymed poetry is underrated here.
And that is all! Keep up the good job! c:
Points: 25
Reviews: 472
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