Life

Happy Review Day!

I think I'll try something new and review this by stanza! So bear with me in this.

1st stanza: I like how you show that they're star crossed lovers, already putting a picture into our heads! That's wonderful and imagery is something a lot of poets leave out most if the time, even myself!

2nd stanza: she has a child with her, or he does? That part confuses me a bit. I love how you describe how the male character dies. It kind of sounds like you're describing her pain of him dying. Love that!

3rd 4th and 5th: it makes me sad to think she's all alone now. You say she's tired, tired as depressed or tired as just tired? All in all this is a lovely poem! Keep writing!

~Sarai

This is a really great poem. Really makes one ponder. It does not consist of a regular rhyme scheme which is really amazing. Keep up the good work...

Hi there!
I'll go through stanza by stanza.

The very first line introduces the theme of the poem, which is good, there is a focus. The second line seems like a slight diversion from it, and the "star crossed lovers" is also a tad cliche. The next line I can't really see sense it. And the final 3 lines are blunt, which is good, and also highlighting on some of the aspects of life.

I like the adaptation of the start of the phrase, means that the theme is still in mind. I'm not sure where the poem leads in the next 2 lines, and what it's trying to portray or represent. The final 3 lines I like because they focus on the meaning of life and what you can or will do with it, and "who you are" which is always a question.

Again I like the adaptation of the starting sentence. The second line depicts a person getting older, and I really like the language use here to describe that. And the 3rd line saying how that life has been wasted with no legacy behind it. Well, that's the impression I get when I read it! and the final 3 lines being the denouement of this stanza, leading to what is seemingly death.

This final stanza for me depicts the continuation generations and doing the same mistakes and the movement of the human race for power. And how we don't learn from our mistakes.
The color of the language here is good as well!

The final line is a little ambiguous.

This leads me to my overall point of this poem: The language is excellent, as well as the imagery and ideas. But I find it a little bit hard to follow, and ambiguous in some of the meaning and how they link in together.

When you write, you have to make it crystal clear as to what you are writing about, and how all the sentences link in together.

I like it, but work needs done!

-Cosmo

Hey there Fellow Young Writers Society Member, speakerskat here to do yet another review for the Tsunami Tyrants! Go Team!

You had a very lovley and unique rhyme scheme throughout thi whole poem and it is a rhyme scheme I haven't really seen used before. Nice. Except when you do something like that you really need to make sure your rhyme scheme stays constant and yours didn't quite make that cut .
"A new life begun.
Star crossed lovers they were not.
Built on shallowness and vain.
Choices made.
Choices wasted.
Brutality and pain."

Is where you start and break your rhyme scheme. you have a nice A/B/C/D/E/C rhyme here except that the SOME of your stanzas are like this one:

"A life in solitude.
Long life, slowly fading, a spoiled mind waning
Plain walls with barely an image, no legacy like years before
Tired mind, shudder to think
Tired shoulders brought to the brink
You don’t have to think like that anymore"
This rhyme scheme was A/B/C/D/D/C

Then this one:
"A life abandoned.
Mistakes inherited, choices passed on
A life being characters you’re not
Years of anger, mistrust and shame
Forgotten mother’s faulty love
Forgotten father’s star above
All this for fame"
With a scheme of A/B/C/D/E/E/D

And that just really confuses me and detaches from the lovely poem you have here. All you really need to do is change the order of your lines or maybe the end words. Also your flow was a little disrupted and the rythm wasn't quite constant. I myself am awful at flow and you did far better than anything I could ever do XD

I loved how you used love and a sort of mix of betrayl in there and how you used the harsh winter months and the North Star to get your points. One of your characters seemed lost while the other seemed brave. It was a really lovely poem and it has tremendous potential.

Keep it up
~Speakerskat

Here's Philosopha's review for you

This poem brings deep thought. I especially liked how you ended with a question which seemed to have had me trying to look deeper into who this person is. With a serious theme you used great vocab to add emphasis to such. You must be a deep thinker.. keep on writing!

Hello there!

Hey this was pretty good, it made me think thanks for that.

I like that end (Is this why you pretend?) I like that.


I'm not sure who you were talking to sometimes,

Good job on this short Life story.