Young Writers Society

Hey there! Wolf here for a review...

I love how you start off your haiku. It immediately grabs the readers attention. Good job there.
I like line two a lot. When you read the whole haiku as a sentence line two makes perfect sense. But if you look at line two by itself for just a second it creates some beautiful imagery.
I was a little disappointed when I got to the third line. It just seems kind of cliche compared to an otherwise very good haiku.

This haiku left me with a lot of questions. What where those memories? Why where they so bad? Who is this? and other things like that. A lot of the time leaving a reader with a few questions is good (at least in poetry), but you have to be careful. If you leave too many questions or if they are important questions then that can be slightly frustrating.
I think for that reason I agree with the other comments, another haiku to accompany this one might be nice. Just keep in mind to keep the second one just as abstract sounding as the first.

I liked your title, it was a really good choice. It sets the reader up for what type of poem this will be without giving away too much information and making the poem boring.

I'm not entirely sure what the syllable count for a haiku is, I think it's 5 then 7 then 5 but that might be wrong. Something feels slightly off with the flow of this haiku, and I'm going to guess it's the syllable count (that's usually the problem with anything that you have to count syllables, and I can't find any other things that could be causing it). So you might want to review your syllables.

Overall I think this was a very nice haiku. I enjoyed reading it. Keep writing!

Hi alfonso. I liked your poem in general. I also like the name you chose for this poem. I really rhink that the way you have described the situation is really nice. The only thing is that you should have tried to make it longer. You could have done this by-
1) explaining the half if not full situations and could have answered questions like what were those memories mentioned.
2) if you didnt want to tell the whole situation then you could have made a few more paragraphs about the whole experience you felt.

However i understand that you might have wantted it to be simple the only reason i suggestted those things was because i wouldn't like it if i had to use 250 points for only 3 lines. But its okay. Countinue the good work. I hope to read more from you. Please like and follow me. And if you have time checkout my story ' and the dream comes true .........not' ( thats is not necessary.)