Young Writers Society

We hardly ever stop our life, simply to take a moment and thank those to forever changed their life to raise us.

I find this piece very touching and I have no doubt people will react to it.

the conflict created between expectaions and reality strikes us long before it strikes out parents- for their supernatural patience. The 'Who am I' vs. 'Who am I expected to become' is but the first conflict, that serves as 'The big band of self exploring questions' if you will.

Reading this I could remember how I felt the first time I was asking myself
'Who am I?'
'Why am I the person I am today'
'What kind of person do I want to become'

And from my expirience - Better late then never.

I would love to see you writing longer pieces so I can see more of that honesty.

This will be quick because my comments are few and condensed.

I'm not one to understand the love of a father or for a father, so regardless of construction or evocation, this poem ends up being a moot point for me. It's clearly personal and it feels very much like a mailed letter in that I wouldn't want to be in the room when the father reads it. Instead, I'd rather hear through the grapevine that someone cried, or that there was a long moment of silence when he realized how much he missed you.

Regardless, it's a stream-of-consciousness mail delivery and therefore lacks concise and expert flow. I think you could remedy this by figuring out shorter ways of reaching your points that don't deliver much heat--

Twenty-four years later,
I think I'm finally who you raised me to be.
Better late than never,
right?

Hey.

I've seen a lot of poetry addressed to fathers and/or mothers, and it never ceases to amaze me how different most of them are. They must all be a reflection of the relationships, which vary between every human on the planet. Anyway, I liked this.

The first stanza felt a little to vague to me, especially when it's followed by such a specific poem.
Conversely, the second stanza seems a little too specific for me. I don't really know Who this Cable guy is, and I don't recognize the quote, and I don't know what song it is you're trying to sing. So basically, that entire stanza was a big, fat goose egg, aside from the first line, which I think is my favorite line in the whole thing.

So if you could find a middle area between the specificities (is that a word?) of the two stanzas, I think then you could have a really nice, consistent poem. :]

Most of the rest of my review would have been asking for a little more meat, but the meat I would be asking for seems a little personal. Basically, go down your poem, line by line, and ask the question that the line inspires (i.e. "you raised the most important part" => what part would the most important part be? Kindness? Morals? Street smarts?") Answer that question (if you can), and then decide if it's important/relevant enough to include in the poem, or if it's a distraction. You may decide that it's perfect the way it is.

This grammar really doesn't matter but it bothered me.

Love you dad,