Thursday, 6:00, route 31
Willow swears she is so tired that she looks like she put eyeshadow under her eyes instead of on her eyelids. As she stumbles onto the bus, breath ragged with panting, she swings her backpack off of one shoulder and twists around to fish for her bus pass.
“I know you have a pass,” says the driver. “Don’t worry about it.”
Willow blinks, her mouth hanging open with vacant exhaustion. “Oh, uh, thank you.” She slides her backpack off completely and carries it in both hands, leaning back with the weight of her textbooks. Just ahead of her, Drake slides into a seat and pats the cushion next to him. He beams, and red scales glimmer on his cheeks.
Groaning, Willow collapses in the offered seat and wonders what kind of lines will press into her face if she uses her backpack as a pillow. Drake, however, has other ideas about how to spend their morning bus ride.
“I don’t think you’ve ever been so close to missing the bus,” he says. “Did you procrastinate on the lab report?”
Willow hugs her backpack and buries her face in the zippers. “No, I finished that last week." Her voice is muffled, heightening her exhaustion. "Divinity’s texting kept me up. She doesn’t seem to understand that I have to wake up at five in the morning.”
“You could have ignored her. Divinity won’t pursue a gainless venture.”
“You both know how awful I am at ignoring things on purpose.”
Rather than laugh, or at least chuckle, Drake brings an arm around Willow’s shoulders and squeezes. “Ah, yes, how could I forget? Even when it came to studying in preparation for your future as a full moon rabbit, you lost focus the moment Divinity and I asked to play with you.”
“We were like six back then,” Willow says. She sighs, relieved that only the zippers on her backpack can possibly know how pink her cheeks are.
“On the subject of becoming fully powerful though,” Drake continues, pulling Willow closer, “I’m going to have one-hundred percent enchanted DNA starting this afternoon. Would you like to watch the turning process?”
Willow whips her head up, sending her black hair spinning. Her eyes are so wide and bright that Drake can almost see color in her irises. “You’re turning completely enchanted?” she whispers. “Serious?”
Drake nods and scratches his neck. Until now, he has felt only excitement towards his turning, but telling someone outside of family sends a ripple of shyness through his bones. “I’m supposed to receive my first hoard item today. Also, my mom said it’s wise for modern dragons to have a non-dragon friend around for the casting of the initial hoard protection spell, since they involve making so many exceptions now.”
“What are you collecting for your hoard?” Willow asks, voice squeaking as she struggles to balance between discretion and delight.
“I don’t know,” Drake says. “It’s supposed to be a surprise. Of course, since only three of my relatives are ready to start passing on their hoards, I have a good idea of the possibilities.”
“What are they?”
Drake hums for a second before counting off his relatives on his fingers. “There’s my grand aunt’s dress collection, which I’m not exactly enthusiastic about; then there’s my grandpa’s collection of chess sets, which I’m not sure I want, because some of the sets are too outlandish for me; or I could inherit my great-grandma’s china, which would be a pain to care for.”
“If you inherit the dresses, you could rent them out.” Willow suggests. She waits through Drake’s noncommittal nod, and when he does not speak again, she takes a slow deep breath, clasps her hands together, and tries to meet Drake’s eyes. “By the way, tomorrow, when Divinity and Martin are over, and we tell them about the whole powerful folk thing, w-we shouldn’t hold anything back.”
As Drake flicks up his gaze, he raises his eyebrows in slight confusion, silently prompting Willow to elaborate.
“I-I mean, when we were kids, it felt like we were all each other’s confidants, even if maybe we weren’t, and now that the secret’s out, I don’t think we’ll ever get that feeling back until we can all trust each other enough to share everything.” Willow’s cheeks burn with embarrassment, and her eyes scrunch in fear, but she keeps going. “I really want the four of us to stay friends, or at least not have to break up over something that can be worked out.”
“Everyone has their secrets, Willow.”
Willow hugs her backpack until the edges of her textbooks dig into her skin, even through the bag’s thick fabric. “I know that, but being one of the powerful folk is a fundamental part of who we are. It’s something Divinity and Martin, and we deserve to know about each other.”
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139,258 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Is it just me, or did you rename your chapters? For some reason, I had said in a previous review (I think the one for chapter 1.08) that it was chapter two already, but clearly, it is only chapter two now. It is quite possible that this confusion may arise from the amount of time that has passed since I regularly reviewed your work, but I'd just like to be sure.
Notes
1. Perhaps, when Willow buries her face in the zippers of her bag, you could show her words being muffled? I assume they are, it's just that I need to remind myself of it if the dialogue is normal.
Impressions
1. I have complete sympathy with Willow. True, I don't have to get up at five in the morning to be on time for a bus, but if Willow is as responsible as you are, she probably goes to sleep at nine or ten to net at least seven hours of sleep. This means she probably stayed up until midnight (I can't imagine you allowing a character to stay up later than that), so she got about five hours of sleep. I went to bed at three this morning and tried to get up and eight - let's just say it felt like my eyes were glued together.
2. Wait, the scales on Drake's cheeks are glowing red, and not his freckles? I suppose they are similar enough in appearance for people not to notice, but still. He should be more careful. (People haven't discovered his heritage yet, have they? Magic is displayed openly in this novel, but there is nevertheless an air of secrecy, so I can't be sure.)
3. The childhood memory is adorable! Besides being cute, it also proves that the three have been friends for a long time.
4. I almost got as excited about Drake's turning as he and Willow did, but the Moon Rabbit's nervousness downplayed it by a lot. Now, instead of feeling excited, I am reminded of the innumerable times a character in either a novel or film (or even a game) kept a secret from another character and how it invariably leads to a breach of trust. Why is it so difficult just to tell the truth? Do people not realise that there are actually people who would confide in another?
There wasn't as much imagery in this chapter as in the previous one, but I prefer it this way, since the dialogue was more important. Imagery is wonderful, but in the end, things that advance the plot or characterisation is equally significant. (I refrain from saying more, since nobody wants to read a bland story.)
Ah, I did rename the chapters, yes. They are now arranged by landmark moments in mystery plots. Also, I will fix that note right away. Thanks for pointing it out!
That explains it. The reasoning is logical, and now it ends when a day ends too (like with TAofDC).
I am here. And I'm so cold that it's hard to type with these numb fingers ;____;
Very Helpful Advice, Hmm Yes.
Aw, these two are quite cute. Are you sure that you'll be the only one of us without a romantic subplot? Maybe I'm reading too much into this; platonic friendship warrants just as strong emotions. Is this in Willow's perspective? I think it is... Basing off of this belief, I'd like to see a bit more of Willow's inner self. We know her emotions rather clearly from her actions, but there's nothing like showing the chaotic thoughts underneath someone's skin. Kind of like what you did with Martin a couple chapters ago. Of course, this means that if this isn't in Willow's POV, this complaint is rendered null...
Much Impressions.
I have no idea why, but I'm getting a bad feeling about Drake. Just saying that now so that I can gloat if it really turns out the way I predict, or, if I'm utterly wrong, please ignore this. I will be back to delete this impression if I am wrong I CANNOT BE WRONG
I sense an awesome scene soon. Do not disappoint.
The feelings of longtime friends are sometimes difficult to decipher... Muhahaha.
Also, you will certainly get an awesome Drake scene quite soon.
Hi Buggy,
Lore here again for Review Day. I will avoid the irony here, but I must say it's good to read your novel a few chapters later. I'm confident to say this is the first chapter of the second part, and it really feels like one, as I'm remembering some bits of the other chapter (I'm sorry for not reading the rest, but must do for now).
Okay! My thoughts will go towards being a first chapter and to being the start of a sequel.
As a first chapter, I find it enchanting to feel the envelopment of the rapid flows of your narration. I like the fact that the narrative starts in the middle, and that every description is evoked in contribution to the development of the action, although you very much define the plot and the next step, while keeping most of the next events to yourself.
As the start of the sequel, it was so nice to meet up with all those characters again. I see they have grown and, yet, their behaviour is still faithful to their structure. It seems Willow has adopted her full form already, and yet she still acts as the most shy of them all. It's hard for me to tell their age, but I'm wondering how she didn't stood more up to the boys (but this is me thinking out loud).
For me, the part that settles the sequel, and that I connect most to is this one:
There's so much on these words, and yet the indifference of their reactions just break my heart...
On that last line, you either missed a comma or something else, I guess:
Well, I hope you keep writing as good as you are. Congratulations on so many chapters. You can PM me later if you want to discuss this review.
Keep going!
-Lore
Err, this is actually part of the same book. I just divided it differently than usual. Thank you for the review!