E - Everyone

The Chronicles of a Public Bus (part 3.10)

Monday, 7:00, route 31

Divinity and Marie sit side by side, squeezed together because a crew of middle school girls have taken up the spaces around them, and one even dares to sit on the edge of Divinity’s seat. The younger girls are loud, screaming about some hot pop star who has just made a comeback. They crowd into the aisle, sharing pictures on their phones, and elbows fly every which way.

“Dear god I hate middle school kids,” Divinity groans. Someone’s finger snags on her massive black curls, and she winces. As she finger combs her hair to prevent another grubby middle school kid’s finger from getting caught in the tangles, she makes a sour face and mumbles a long, clean insult.

“Speaking of people who deserve to be insulted,” Divinity continues, hardly giving Marie a chance to process the muttering, “there’s this woman on my floor who’s moving out, and she literally moved in a week ago.”

Pulling out a small comb from her bag, Marie lets her quizzical expression prompt Divinity to explain.

“Like, who does that? Sure, it was a pre-furnished apartment, but it would’ve been cheaper to rent a hotel, and there was a family waiting to rent that spot.” Sniffling in contempt, Divinity crosses her arms and puffs out her cheeks. Then she feels a slight prodding in her arm, and she finds Marie prodding with a comb.

“Perhaps it was an unexpected change of plans?”

Divinity accepts the comb and tugs on a tangle near her face, scowling. “I know, but you can’t just take someone else’s apartment. I bet the lady just paid more for it. Not illegal if there’s no contract yet, but not very nice either.”

Eyes relaxed and thoughtful, Marie taps her chin and gazes out the window. “She might not have known.”

“I’m pretty sure the landlord is supposed to tell people about this kind of thing,” Divinity says, and she yanks on the comb. One of the teeth rips off, and it flies into some middle school girl’s hair. The girl doesn’t notice a thing.

Marie blinks in slight bewilderment before giggling and covering her mouth. “Oh my. That was sort of amazing. Did you forget to brush your hair this morning?”

“My hair listens to no one,” Divinity replies. She hands back the comb and sets back to working her fingers through the waves and knots. “Sorry about your comb.”

“It is cheap plastic. You do not need to worry.”

The two girls soak in the bustling sounds of the bus for the next few seconds as Marie tucks her comb back into her bag. She struggles to pry open the two static-fried sides of a pocket, but manages somehow. Outside, a teenage boy in a red baseball cap has thrown his backpack onto one shoulder and sprints alongside the bus, his quick breaths spewing steam into the air. Poor boy will be late.

Marie turns from the window when the boy is out of sight. “Oh, Divinity, I was going to ask you something before your hair broke my comb.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever wonder if you have made the wrong assumption about someone?”

Divinity freezes. “What?” Her brain tells her this is not a question to actually consider, and that she should lean back and play it cool, but the middle school girl on the edge of the seat is taking up too much room, and Divinity doesn’t have space to lounge. She fidgets instead, like Willow.

“You never um… second guess yourself?” Marie asks.

“I can accept when people tell me I’m wrong,” Divinity says. Her shoulders are tense and raised in defense. “I mean, if they give evidence. When there’s proof, I can even tell myself I’m wrong.”

Even as she argues, Marie stays sweet and collected; her eyes never narrow, and her voice remains only just audible over the bus’s din. “But do you ever consider before you make a decision that you are missing something?”

Divinity frowns.

“I do not ask to find faults. I have this in theater as well, when I act by impulse without thinking about the character’s perspective.” Marie smiles, nostalgia softening her sharp cheeks and bestowing a glow on her blonde hair. “Maybe it would help you to be less angry with people if you took a moment to think about their circumstances. What is the English idiom for this? Something about taking people’s shoes.”

“Don’t judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes,” Divinity supplies. Her tone is flat, and she looks to the side at the bus’s front window, unsure of whether to feel upset or enlightened. Worried angles bend in her eyebrows, and she purses her lips.

In her peripherals, Divinity sees a red sports car roar past the bus, speeding like a criminal with the cops on his tail. Her immediate thought is a nasty one, and it stays nasty.

“I can tell you are angry at that car,” Marie says. “Maybe the driver is late to work?”

“That’s no reason to put other people’s lives at risk.”

Marie sighs and launches into a different example, but Divinity’s mind wanders. If Marie can apply this perspective change to acting, it wouldn’t be so hard to apply it to sleuthing. Divinity grins, hardly registering the new wave of squealing that erupts beside her, and pulls out her phone to text Drake and Willow. She might not be empathetic enough for Marie’s strategy, but those two certainly are.

Comments & reviews · 2
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Mea
Review
Mea wrote a review · Sun May 29, 2016 12:30 am

Hey, there, back again, and this time I'm representing Team Granger for Review Day!

I liked this chapter. It was funny at the beginning, and I liked how Marie kind of confronted Divinity about one of her character flaws.

I didn't quite follow the connection Divinity made from "walking a mile in another's shoes" to applying that to sleuthing. Was she thinking that sympathizing with the people she was trying to get information out of would make them more willing to talk? I think you could just elaborate just a little bit more on that.

Someone’s finger snags on her massive black curls, and she winces. As she finger combs her hair to prevent another grubby middle school kid’s finger from getting caught in the tangles,

I thought this was oddly phrased. It kind of felt repetitive, even though it didn't necessarily use any of the same words. You could probably just say that she combed through her hair.

In her peripherals,

To me, this is a weird phrase, and it would be more commonly "In her peripheral vision," but maybe that's a normal phrase where you're from. :P

[quote] I have this in theater as well, when I act by impulse without thinking about the character’s perspective.” Marie smiles, nostalgia [quote]
This threw me off just a tiny bit, and I think it's because "I have this" (present tense) combined with "nostalgia" (implies distant past) is a little bit contradictory.

I like Marie. I just do. She seems like a great person. Though I might be careful, because I know some people would find that her giving Divinity advice like this comes off as annoying.

And that's all I've got for you! Keep on keeping on, and remember, it's levi-O-sa, not levio-SA!

How do I miss all these logic lapses? Thank you a thousand times for picking them out and continuing to review.

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Songmorning
Review

Well, this chapter was a bit calmer, a nice breather after the excitement of the chapter before. It did do a little bit to move the plot along, though, and I'll be interested to see how Divinity applies "Marie's strategy"...

They crowd into the aisle, sharing pictures on their phones, and elbows fly every which way.

Hahaha, I love the mental image that conjures up.

As she finger combs her hair to prevent another...

I think that would be "finger-combs" with a dash.

Marie lets her quizzical expression prompt Divinity to explain.

I love what a quiet personality Marie has. I'd love to meet her in real life, if she was real.

she finds Marie prodding with a comb.

Aww! She was getting out the comb for Divinity! That is so nice. :)
Incidentally, I just know this mysterious woman moving in and out of Divinity's apartment won't be irrelevant. I'm beginning to expect everything in your story to have a purpose.

One of the teeth rips off, and it flies into some middle school girl’s hair.

That's difficult to envision, but I suppose it's possible... o_O
Marie's reaction made me grin. I'm absolutely loving everything about her character. She's so beautiful, gentle, thoughtful, and elegant, and she didn't even get upset when Divinity broke her comb. Instead, she laughed about how it happened. Also, she does theater in school? Wonderful!

The red sports car is here. O_O" I wonder what it's up to?

Anyway, I enjoyed this chapter, though I don't have much to say about it. It mostly just developed Marie's and Divinity's contrasting characters a bit, as well as introducing a new idea that I expect to be applied in future chapters. Plus, the red sports car showed up again, and that indicates impending doom. :) My favorite part was the very thoughtful conversation Marie and Divinity had, with Marie perhaps being the first to actually criticize Divinity's judgmental attitudes. She did so in a wonderfully gentle way, and I admire her for it. She could be a good example for me.



It doesn’t smell old, it just smells like a bad idea.
— James Hoffman