The Chronicles of a Public Bus (part 2.07)

by Ventomology

Published November 23, 2015

12+

In TLMS II

Friday, 6:00, route 31

Without her even realizing it, Drake’s “official” seat in the back of the bus has somehow become Willow’s as well. As she hunkers down next to him, pouting into the collar of her jacket and pulling out her polka-dot hand-warmers to press them to her cold-reddened cheeks, she notes with distaste that she did not premeditate this seating. Her old habit of sitting as close to the front as possible has been killed with maximum efficiency.

“Oh, you brought hand-warmers?” Drake murmurs, tilting his head towards Willow. His breath is like the pleasant beam of a heat lamp. “Smart. Are they from the drama club’s bazaar?”

Willow nods in sluggish content. “That tall girl who played Rosalind last spring sewed them. If you weren’t a European dragon, I’d recommend you buy a pair this year.”

“Not all European dragons are fire-breathers you know. After the European Enlightenment started and everyone started making theories about our true natures, we mutated a bit.” At this, Drake lifts the corners of his mouth in a sheepish grin and pokes the center of a dot on Willow’s hand-warmers. “Of course, I do happen to be one of the fiery ones.”

Though Willow opens her mouth to ask what other kinds there are, she pauses and lets a different question slip out. “And are you all fire dragon or just half?” she asks, narrowing her eyes. “Your text yesterday afternoon didn’t say much.”

Drake nearly chokes. He runs his fingers through his hair, pulling the strands almost flat against his head. “I, uh, well…”

“Well what? You invited me over to watch your transformation, left school without giving even a hint about what happened, and then cancelled! I’m trying to be open with you about being a moon spirit, but you never want to talk about us being powerful folk unless Divinity brings it up first.”

Light glistens in Drake’s eyes, and Willow holds her breath in apprehension. Was she too harsh?

As the first tear slips from Drake’s eyes, forming a tiny trail down his scale-dotted cheeks, he deflates. His elbows fall to his knees, and his head drops into his hands, and he cries. Saltwater floods his palms, and his shoulders shake.

“My first hoard piece,” he sobs, “some woman stole half of it before it even arrived. And then… and then…” He wipes his eyes on the backs of his hands, but his voice is still ragged. “Mom and I almost caught the thief, but the moment we let our guards down, the woman grabbed the half that arrived and vanished using a paper spell.”

Willow’s mouth opens and closes like a fish’s, but she can’t find words. From her stunned silence, Drake takes his cue to continue.

“Mom called my grandpa to ask what we should do, since the chessboard is still technically his, but he just said he already had someone on it.”

“O-okay, so everything will be fine soon, right?”

With a huge sniffle, Drake drags his head up. He turns to look straight at Willow, aware that his eyes are red-rimmed, and a bit of snot still drips from his nose. “I don’t know,” he says, voice quivering. “My grandpa is an old dragon. He’s nice to me, but he doesn’t see regular people or powerful folk who aren’t, you know, white, as much more than very sophisticated animals.”

All Willow can do is bite her lip.

“What if he’s orchestrating something really terrible? I don’t want a chess set that someone killed for.”

“You think your grandfather would hire an assassin?”

Drake gulps. “It’s a possibility. He employs a Supervillain as a jack-of-all-trades personal secretary, and you know what Martin told us about Supervillain powers warping people.”

Despite the uselessness of the gesture, Willow presses one of her hand-warmers to Drake’s cheek and offers an uncertain smile. “As if I could forget when Martin spent all of lunch explaining the epigenetics behind hero and villain personalities. Not that I understood what epigenetics are.”

No laughter follows Willow’s comment, but Drake makes one short, breathy snort before almost smiling in return. “Epigenetics is the study of how the environment affects gene expression. You can at least remember the dictionary definition, since Martin repeated it so many times for us.”

“Please don’t remind me how awful I am at science.”

“You’re not awful at it,” Drake says. “You scored poorly on one test last year and now you’re beating yourself up. One low grade doesn’t mean you can’t go into medicine.”

Biting her lip, Willow slides a hand-warmer to her nose and tilts her head back so that the fabric drapes over the shallow slopes of her face, and she can feel the heat radiating from each tiny grain of rice inside. “I know. It’s just that Jie-jie was so perfect and… ugh. This isn’t important right now.”

Jie-jie? Is that Chinese for older sister?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Willow says, mouth pursed in sullen stubbornness. “We should be thinking about your grandfather’s psycho secretary, not my inadequacies as a moon spirit.”

Drake twists his features in confusion, eyebrows raised in uneven peaks. “Er, yes, we probably should do that, but what do your grades have to do with being a moon spirit?”

“I’ll tell you over cheesecake.”

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
EnderFlash
Review
EnderFlash wrote a review Review · Jan 28, 2016

Well.

Suggestions/Inquiries on Details

Saltwater floods his palms, and his shoulders shake.
Do dragons, um, cry harder or something? If not so, then you're probably using this line as hyperbole, but it brings a strange image to my mind.

Her old habit of sitting as close to the front as possible has been killed with maximum efficiency.
I don't see the words "maximum efficiency" as necessary in this line. The first paragraph is already filled with a lot of interesting words/description, so this turns up as bit of extra weight. What, exactly, is the efficient part of it? I can't pin it down but it doesn't sound quite right. Nothing terribly out-of-place or wrong, though.

So the box earlier contained... a chessboard? I hope I'm not confusing things up here. If I am getting it right- how does one steal half a chessboard? Or why was it in halves in the first place?

Impressions?

1. Poor Willow. If we're going with the all-demanding Asian standards, then I suspect this inferiority complex will become trouble down the path. The tenuous relationship with her sister/family may or may not become a problem. I'll see.

2.
...but Drake makes one short, breathy snort before almost smiling in return.
Heh, I like this line. Reminds me of his dragon lineage.

3. You're doing an excellent job of revealing information while keeping the overall mood and conversations natural and interesting. Do you hear my clapping? Well, I am. So insert a clapping noise here. *clapping ensues*

User avatar
BrumalHunter
Review
BrumalHunter wrote a review Review · Dec 30, 2015

It is shameful that from this point forwards, there has only been one review to a single of your chapters. I promised that I'd review everything before today is over, and while that might normally mean midnight, I am willing to stay up as long as is necessary (and don't try to convince me otherwise). I shall ensure each has at least one.


Notes

1. In the descriptive tag following Drake's first line of dialog, you simply say he tilts his head towards Willow's. Willow's what? Her head or her hand-warmers? If the ambiguity was insignificant because it appears in a sentence like, "I saw a lion in my pajamas," then I'd only point out how hilarious the situation could be, but in this case, it's similar to, "I have a ring in my jewellery box that sparkles," which creates confusion. Drake could tilt towards either Willow's head or her hand-warmers, and it would more or less make sense. (I assume he's nodding towards the hand-warmers, and you simply left them out to avoid repetition, but there are dangers involved with obscurity.)


Impressions

1. Wow, three hyphenated words within a space of ten words. They are unavoidable, of course, it's just impossible to miss.

2. The first paragraph contains two references to murder, and then you openly mention assassination later in the chapter. Should I be suspicious? *narrows eyes*

3. I understand Willow's question about Drake being all or half fire, but it was phrased awkwardly. I'm still not sure I understand entirely what she's asking.

4. I applaud you for writing a male character that openly cries. I also applaud you for describing the act in such detail without even once using the word "cry" or any form of it. It's not as big an issue as with elemental descriptions, but it is refreshing nonetheless.

5. The red rims around the eyes of a person who cried is mostly due to the excessive rubbing (and probably some other reason of which I am ignorant), but can they really appear that quickly? Also, if Willow's question upsets him so, then surely he wept the previous day, so shouldn't there be red rings already? (And the mucus is a bit much.)

6. Wow, Drake's grandfather is rude. Some people would say dragons are nothing more than savage beasts that like their meat charred. Although, that would make those people even ruder... Drat.

7. As long as a gesture conveys emotion, it is not useless. The gesture isn't supposed to make Drake feel warm (though it might have that effect anyway), but comfort him through the touch of a friend.

8. That last line is excellent. XD


I quite liked this chapter. It not only answered some of my questions (bad Leopard Lady), but also delved deeper into Drake and Willow as character. (And though I firmly believe they should be romantically involved eventually, please don't ship them - the combinations sound queer, at best.)


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I fixed your note and the thing about Willow's question. The uselessness thing was really Willow's opinion slipping into the narration, though it seems I didn't get that across.

Thanks!

Ah, okay. You're welcome! ^_^



I am proud of my self, the reason why some of you might disagree with me a little with, but nevertheless I still proud.
— Oxara