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The Chronicles of a Public Bus (part 3.04)

Saturday, 18:30, route 40 westbound

Considering Divinity’s usual antics, the game plan for investigating the hit-and-run incidents is surprisingly straightforward. As Drake and Martin tap out lists of possible questions and conversation-starters into their phones, Willow leans back in her seat and watches, glad for her absence in the plans.

“You know, Divinity,” Martin says, “I’m not sure how many of these questions I can actually get answered. My dad is already against the idea of me investigating anything, and now that I’m directly involved with one of the victims, he’s even more worried.”

“Oh right. One of the victims was the vampire who turned you.” Groaning, Divinity slaps her forehead. “Just try your best, okay? Even if you only learn things you think are useless, they might end up being crucial later.”

Drake slouches, letting a sheepish smile cross his face. “I think I’m in a similar boat to Martin,” he admits. “My mom lost one of her hoard items when she was younger as well, and now she and my grandfather are getting a bit overprotective. I’m not even allowed to be in the same room as Mom when she’s on the phone.”

“Um, shouldn’t they be teaching you how to solve the problem instead?” Willow asks.

Chuckling, Drake lifts a hand to muss up Willow’s hair. “I wish. But at least they’re doing something instead of leaving me to solve the problem alone. I don’t think I’ll ever get over your mom’s method of swimming lessons.”

“Everyone’s parents operate differently,” Willow says. She pushes away Drake’s hand and looks out the window. In the blue-black of night, she can barely pick out the silhouettes of shrubbery and houses, and so many of the windows are already dark that it might as well be midnight. As the rest of the group returns to plotting, Willow continues staring, wondering if she’ll be able to see Martin’s house from the bus.

The route winds through the sprawling neighborhood, zigzagging across the main streets. As the bus drives further from the old uptown, the houses seem to shrink in size, and their lawns turn into postage stamp pictures, like something from a civil-rights-era suburb. Cars park on the street instead of in driveways or garages, and the coats of paint layered over each house become bright enough to see in the dark.

In her peripherals, Willow catches Martin pressing the stop request button.

“So I’m gathering general information from my dad about the hit-and-runs and that’s it?” Martin asks. “With the way you acted yesterday, I was worried you’d ask me to crawl around the neighborhood at midnight.”

“If you dig up something worthwhile, I just might,” Divinity says. Smirking, she lifts an elbow onto the seat back and cranes her neck to see out the window past Martin’s shoulders. “By the way, why are all the lights off in your neighborhood?”

“All my neighbors are elderly people who go to bed early. Most of them have lived in this neighborhood since Franklin City’s growth spurt in the seventies, since this batch of prefabs is well-built.”

Drake straightens and glances out the window. “Before you get off, Martin, do you know why there was a growth spurt in the seventies?”

Right on cue, the bus slows to a crawl, and Martin pushes himself up, bony joints jutting out even under his winter coat. As he squeezes past Divinity, he twists to face Drake, and somehow one of his feet collides with Divinity’s shins.

“Hey!”

“I did not do that on purpose,” Martin says. His tone is so dry that Willow can’t tell if he’s lying or not. “But in response to your question, Drake, I believe there was some fiftieth anniversary or something, which garnered national attention. What that thing was, I don’t remember, unfortunately.”

Martin pushes into the aisle, nailing Divinity’s shins again, and throws a glance over his shoulder at the rest of the group. “I’m sure the library has back issues from the seventies, so we can look it up tomorrow, if you’re still interested. One-fifteen, right? We’re all taking the one o’clock bus from the West-Side Station?”

Scowling, Divinity nods. “Yes, you’re exactly right. And you’d better not kick me tomorrow, or pull my hair, or punch my stomach, or bite one of my major arteries.”

The bus stops, and Martin stumbles, catching a handrail for support just in time to prevent a fall. He glowers back at Divinity, fangs showing, and stalks off the bus. When he’s gone, and the driver has let off on the brakes, Drake sighs.

“I think that last comment was a bit uncalled for.”

“He kicked me! On purpose!”

Willow gulps and raises her hands in a placating gesture. “He probably didn’t do it on purpose. Besides, think about how he feels now. You don’t like it when people accuse you of stealing jobs simply because you’re Latina, and I bet Martin doesn’t appreciate you accusing him of biting people out of spite.”

“That’s not the same thing,” Divinity mutters, shaking her head. Nonetheless, she looks away in contemplation for a moment before jumping back into plans for tomorrow. “So, Willow, just in case you were hoping to skip out on the library tomorrow, I have a job for you.”

Face falling, Willow slumps over and bonks her head against the window. “Do I have to?”

“Oh, it’s nothing awful. You’re just going to write the minutes, keep the notes, whatever. No interrogating of parents involved.”

The bus thuds onto the highway, and the engine roars for a few moments, still adjusting gears to match the new speed, and Willow takes that moment to half-smile in relief. She’s rather glad she doesn’t have to do any real investigating.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
EnderFlash
Review

Hey there!

Notes

“Everyone’s parents operate differently,” Willow says. She pushes away Drake’s hand and looks out the window...
I'm only quoting this as to not make this review drag on, but I'll be talking about the following two paragraphs. You've done this a lot and, for some reason, it's only now that I choose to point this out: In the middle of banter, you input description that, while nice for the setting, feels out of place. I'd say the next paragraph is worse than this, because it just kicks everyone else out and devotes itself to showing the outside without regard to what's happening back in the bus. It may be best to either work it into the conversation or spread it out so that we are consistently reminded of it without it being too obtrusive. If not, I think we can go without description for one chapter, especially since this seems to build off of the previous one.

---

Thoughts/Impressions

1. I swear these kids are all nerds or something. Talking about history and backgrounds in a regular conversation is such a contrast from the really stupid topics me and my friends talk about during lunch. Say, didn't Divinity even highlight that? It's confirmed, then.

2.
She’s rather glad she doesn’t have to do any real investigating.
I have a feeling she'll be doing it involuntarily.

I seem to be having a lot of difficulty with placing setting details. Ugh.

Thanks!

User avatar
Mea
Review
Mea wrote a review · Sun Mar 27, 2016 12:08 pm

Hey there! I'm back again.

I liked this chapter - it had a lighthearted, humorous vibe to it, and although it was mostly a transition/planning chapter you still managed to make their personalities come through and keep it engaging.

I unfortunately don't have that much to say as a whole, other than that Divinity seemed a little unnecessarily touchy about the whole shin-kicking thing, and that far from seeming ambiguous, Martin's response made it seem like it was largely intentional and he was just being sarcastic.

On to specifics:

and the coats of paint layered over each house become bright enough to see in the dark.

Unless they're using florescent paint, I don't see how you can see any type of coats of paint in the dark. Generally confusing.

In her peripherals,

Should be "In her peripheral vision," or "out of the corner of her eye." I don't think "peripherals" is a word, at least not in the context you're speaking of.

I didn't quite make the connection between Drake's parents being overprotective and him not even being able to be in the room when his mom's on the phone. I just didn't understand why there would be any danger from that. I'm thinking maybe the mom being on the phone has something to do with the investigation they're not supposed to be taking part of, but you may want to make that connection clear.

Also, the exchange about the "growth spurt" in the 70s felt awkward and forced. It almost felt like you were very deliberately setting it up for some plot-relevant thing later, and if that's the case it shouldn't stick out quite so much.

And that's pretty much all I've got for you! Good luck, and keep going strong!

User avatar
Songmorning
Review

On to the next chapter! You're definitely focusing on these four friends more, since they're getting two chapters in a row. I'm excited to see where the story is going.

As Drake and Martin tap out lists of possible questions and conversation-starters into their phones, Willow leans back in her seat and watches, glad for her absence in the plans.

The phrase "glad for her absence in the plans" is a bit confusing, and for a moment there, I even wondered if you meant that Divinity was absent. Instead, you could say, "glad that she was absent from the plans."

Chuckling, Drake lifts a hand to muss up Willow’s hair.

Awww~ They're so cute. ^_^

“So I’m gathering general information from my dad about the hit-and-runs and that’s it?” Martin asks. “With the way you acted yesterday, I was worried you’d ask me to crawl around the neighborhood at midnight.”

Ahahaha! That's what I was imagining too! That's why I was surprised when they had literally just gone to the movies and weren't using "the movies" as a cover-up for crawling around the neighborhood at midnight, "investigating". What fun. It's still exciting, though.

Martin pushes into the aisle, nailing Divinity’s shins again, and throws a glance over his shoulder at the rest of the group.

Yep...definitely on purpose.

And you’d better not kick me tomorrow, or pull my hair, or punch my stomach, or bite one of my major arteries.”

I laughed at that one. Very good. It wasn't very nice to Martin, though, so I should probably be indignant instead. My liking of Martin is only increasing as the chapters go on.

In fact, what Willow said made me feel bad about chuckling at Divinity's comment. I only laughed because it was so like her...don't be mad, okay? :/

Divinity is Latina? Hey, that means we have four different ethnicities in this group of friends! I like that. ^_^

She’s rather glad she doesn’t have to do any real investigating.

I would be too! Now let's get on with the actual investigating, shall we?

Thanks for another good chapter. Oh, and have I mentioned that I really like Martin? :P



Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.
— Jamie Anderson