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Unlucky Catkill Court (part 1.05)

Wednesday, Feb. 5, a tad bit later

The walk to Franklin High takes maybe three minutes. The only days it ever takes longer are snow days, and then the superintendent closes school, so it wouldn’t matter.

Brooke is certain the walk will be a long three minutes. She stands on the sidewalk in front of the Fukui house, almost leaning on the bushes, and checks her watch, trying to ignore the rustling of backpacks and huge winter coats and Toby’s yelling.

Her watch strikes six-fifty exactly, and Brooke looks up, hoping her cheeks aren’t flaking in the cold and that her hair looks okay.

A girl steps out into the intersection between Catkill Street and its eponymous court, just as she does every day at six-fifty. She looks impeccable too, like always. Her strong profile, with her angular nose and harsh jaw is accented by feather-light contouring makeup. And she walks like a model, long black military coat almost flaring behind her. To top it all off—literally—she wears a sky blue hijab, a single bright article of clothing that draws the eye.

Brooke wishes she had that girl’s confidence. She wishes she could even work up the courage to talk to her.

“Oh, is she the girl?”

A curse word almost passes through Brooke’s lips, and she whirls around to find Toby standing behind her, arms crossed and eyes trained on the girl crossing the street.

“What girl?” Brooke asks.

“I thought you-” Toby pauses to bite his lip, still looking at the girl crossing the street. He’s perplexed, frowning at some internal debate that Brooke can’t quite figure out. “Nevermind,” he says, shaking his head. “I probably shouldn’t have said anything.”

With an awkward, uncomfortable giggle, Brooke adjusts her backpack and swings her oboe case over one shoulder. “Okay then. I’ll forget you said anything.”

There’s no way Brooke is going to forget Toby asked anything. She’s going to never speak to him again and instead ask some of the orchestra members if they can be her accompanist. Or she would, if she was brave enough to talk to any of them. She only has Toby because Willow handled the negotiating.

In the heavy emptiness that would usually follow a touchy subject at dinnertime, Brooke and Toby trudge up the sidewalk to Catkill Street. They turn right, following the girl in the blue hijab, and are soon out of sight.

Minutes pass, long minutes during which nothing happens outside, and only the faint movement of shadows behind curtains and the occasional, almost imperceptible thud betray signs of life. A breeze tickles the naked trees and pushes a few crackling leaves into the McCraes’ tiny yard, and then finally, a car pulls into the cul de sac.

It is more impressive than Vera’s car, without a doubt. If any of the kids who normally crowd around the de la Rosa driveway in the morning were to see it, they would gawp until their jaws couldn’t close anymore. After all, Vera cannot afford a sports car. The only person in the neighborhood who might drive a sports car is Mr. Morandi, but only because no one knows anything about him, and therefore he might be some kind of rich man in hiding.

Even more impressive is the woman who steps out of the car. She dresses like the cliche work-out mom, decked out in purple and black leggings and a violet windbreaker. But unlike the ladies in athletic shoe commercials, she is loaded with muscle. There is a hint aesthetic bodybuilding that peeks through by her calves, but it is nothing compared to her power.

With a terrible frown and clenched fists, she marches up to the L’Enfant house and pounds on the snow white door.

Monsieur L’Enfant answers before she is done pounding. He is just as cross as the woman before him, but only half so intimidating. He is lean, bordering on gangly, and he has purple bags under his eyes and fatigue in his shoulders while his visitor bursts with youth and vigor. Her black hair borders on brown, and his blonde hair borders on grey, though he isn’t particularly wizened.

“I see you repainted,” the woman says, resting her fists on her hips. “I think I liked the grey better.”

“Why are you here, Ms. Avila?” Monsieur L’Enfant asks. He looks her straight in the eye, arms crossed and mouth pursed in bored, objective curiosity.

Ms. Avila lets her mouth fall open, offended. “Oh, so you’re back to calling me Miss Avila now? Why, Ambroisin, I didn’t think you even remembered my maiden name. I’m here to warn you.”

If Monsieur L’Enfant is ruffled, he doesn’t show it. “About?” he prompts.

“I’m filing a suit against you. I want custody of Quinton, and you can be sure I’ll get it.”

“I’d like to see you try.” Monsieur L’Enfant’s voice is dry, as if he doesn’t really care who has custody. “Quinton hasn’t seen you in years, and he didn’t like you much when you were around. You moved out of state first as well. You won’t be able to claim him unless I’m dead or in prison.”

“You’re a criminal, and we both know it,” Ms. Avila says, as saccharine as her buffness allows her to be. Then she smiles a heroic, dazzling white smile, and slams Monsieur L’Enfant’s door in his face.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Mea
Review
Mea wrote a review · Sun Sep 11, 2016 9:25 am

Back again. :)

Another good part. I like that we're being introduced to Quinton's mom so early in the book, instead of her being a largely faceless antagonist.

However, I will say that we don't really know a lot about her yet, other than that Quinton doesn't want to live with her. While that is fairly compelling, as Quinton is one of the MCs, I'm still wishing we hadn't missed out on his talk with Midiori in the last chapter, though I guess since most of it wouldn't have taken place on Catkill Court you can't really show it.

I'm just gonna say, three minutes is a really short walk. Like, it takes three minutes to cross the street and walk up to the door of my school. My friend lives just around the corner, and it still takes a good five minutes. And I'm also not sure why Vera would drive a car to school when it's that close, plus, it wouldn't be much time for anyone to talk during the ride. Maybe I'm just getting something mixed up here with the layout of the streets, but I'm just not seeing the point of it. I mean, for one thing, it uses up gas, and thus money.

The girl with a hijab is interesting for sure. I have to say, I met/seen a fair amount of Muslim women, and practically none of them project confidence like this woman. Not that they all seem downtrodden or anything, they just tend to be a little quieter than the average American. So I'll be really interested to see where you go with her.

BTW, I've figured out your trick this time! Instead of writing it all set on a bus, you're writing it all set on the street. Cool. It's interesting the differences - I think this time around, you have a bit more room, just because a street is longer and more types of things can happen on it.

That's all I've got this time!

I think teenagers with cars tend to really like their cars... a number of my classmates actually do the same thing as Vera. It's sad, isn't it?

Thanks as always!

User avatar
Lightsong
Review

Hey, I'm here to give a quick review. :D

The only reason it would ever take longer would be snow, and then the superintendent closes school, so it wouldn’t matter.


Don't like the repetition of 'would' in one sentence there. A bit of paraphrasing would be nice. Here's a suggestion:

The only reason it would take longer is when there's snow; even then, the superintendent would close the school, so it doesn't matter.


Brooke is certain the walk will be a long three minutes.


Unfortunately, this isn't necessary, and the 'three minutes' part is redundant. If you still want to include it... paraphrase! xD

Brooke is certain the walk will be that short.


I'm sorry for all these suggestions, I just feel like repetition works when it's done well, and even so, it has to be used rarely.

Ooh, a girl wearing hijab. That draws my interest; can you actually pull off a Muslim girl, hmm? It's just interesting to have one in this fantasy novel; it's really hard to execute. She wearing a military coat makes me more interested. Why are Brooke and Toby watching her? Let's keep reading...

They turn right, following the girl in the blue hijab, and are soon out of sight.


Excuse me? o.o Unless this story is told using 1st PoV, I'm not sure how they can suddenly be 'out of sight'. Are you perhaps talking about the girl? Because Toby and Brooke can possibly loose her if she has a sixth sense that tells her someone are following her.

Reading on, I think the story is told in 3rd Omniscient POV. Hmm, interesting choice. Anyway! I'm introduced to two characters that seem to have no relation the previous two, but they are talking about custody and how Quinton doesn't like Avila, and that Avila accuses Embroisin of being a criminal. This serves as something enough intriguing to let me continue reading, if only for the sake of finding how Embroisin is a criminal. And the hijab girl. What's the deal with her, I might never know. You change perspective to quickly in a short chapter. Not enough context for both perspectives.

Anyway, that is all. Sorry if my review is not helpful, but I can guarantee that your vocabulary is complimentary. Since I'm not a native English speaker, I don't understand some of the words you have utilize. >.> Keep up the good job! :D



Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.
— Charles Mingus