Your ocean eyes
Pull me in slow
Like time forgot
Where it should go
⠀
You walk with me
not them, just us
And suddenly
I think too much
⠀
I took your hand
Held it like glass
Stood my ground
Let silence pass
⠀
Understand
I'm scared to show
But I love you
You should know
⠀
I said "I'm fine"
You saw the lie
In how I blinked
And didn't cry
⠀
You took my hand
Didn't let it go
You made your stand
Let your fear show
⠀
And in that moment
Soft and slow
You loved me back
And let me know
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Hi since you’re my bestie, I will give an improper review!!!
So WDYM YOU ARE NOT GOOD AT POEMS like what??
It’s so good! It explains how frail love can be, and how strong it can be as well over time! The feelings are expressed strongly and freely.
My favourite part is the I’m fine part. I can relate to that like a lot.
I have nothing negative to say, so GREAT JOBLEJSBSKS!!!
Happy Reading, Happy RevMo, and Happy Poetry And Happy Writing!
Love,
Your bestie
CATS
Best review ever <333
Yayyayayayya!!!! I earned the reward.
I know, I%u2019m great.
lol ofc you are
YAYAYYAYAYA I GOT UR APPROVAL YESSSS
U R TOO
I am a big fan of romantic love poems. I made a few up myself.
''Understand
I'm scared to show
But I love you
You should know''
I'm very scared to show a certain person how much I love them. For example, I'll just say his name is L, and he's my long-distance love. He's really cute and I like him a lot. But I don't know how to express my love for him. SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP MEEEEEE!
''And in that moment
Soft and slow
You loved me back
And let me know''
I wish he would just let me know that he loves me as well. But with all things, Love takes time, and I surely hope HE LOVES ME BACK!
Also let me just mention your username, ''the hopeless romantic'' is just too cute!
Nice work on your poem and contiue writing!
I am a big fan of romantic love poems. I made a few up myself.
''Understand
I'm scared to show
But I love you
You should know''
I'm very scared to show a certain person how much I love them. For example, I'll just say his name is L, and he's my long-distance love. He's really cute and I like him a lot. But I don't know how to express my love for him. SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP MEEEEEE!
''And in that moment
Soft and slow
You loved me back
And let me know''
I wish he would just let me know that he loves me as well. But with all things, Love takes time, and I surely hope HE LOVES ME BACK!
Also let me just mention your username, ''the hopeless romantic'' is just too cute!
Nice work on your poem and contiue writing!
I am a big fan of romantic love poems. I made a few up myself.
''Understand
I'm scared to show
But I love you
You should know''
I'm very scared to show a certain person how much I love them. For example, I'll just say his name is L, and he's my long-distance love. He's really cute and I like him a lot. But I don't know how to express my love for him. SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP MEEEEEE!
''And in that moment
Soft and slow
You loved me back
And let me know''
I wish he would just let me know that he loves me as well. But with all things, Love takes time, and I surely hope HE LOVES ME BACK!
Also let me just mention your username, ''the hopeless romantic'' is just too cute!
Nice work on your poem and contiue writing!
tysmmmm <333333333
Hey, Hop!! I’m here to give you a review on this lovely poem <3
You should know, this is WONDERFUL!! Especially for a beginner poet like yourself! I can’t believe this is one of your first poems ever.
The stanzas are all perfectly balanced, and while I don’t usually like rhyme, you’ve made it work for you in this piece. I can barely tell it’s there, honestly. And the whole poem is just emanating a large aura of sweetness and love. I feel like I’m watching a rom-com play out right in front of me, and it’s so fleeting.
I’m also loving your metaphor here. That very first stanza (A stanza is a section of the poem) pulls you in with the line “Time forgot where it should go”.
My only critique would be that the second stanza doesn’t really work for the piece. It feels a bit weaker compared to how the rest of the poem is rich with similes and metaphors. My suggestion would be to rethink it, just a little. Maybe come up with a metaphor here too?
I ADORE the callback to the title in the middle of the piece!! It feels just like a whisper--soft and slow.
The entire poem is like a memory that you’re telling someone years after it happened. It plays out just like a movie scene--it’s so pretty!!
Hop, you have such a talent for creating these scenes in poetry. Your voice definitely lends itself to this. Keep writing, and I will keep reviewing!!
<3, chem
Thank you so much, chem <3333 (It is so nice having your og name lol)
@space waves
The poem is so cute, can I have it?
Hey, cutie! <3
This is Alex, here to drop a review on this endearing poem you wrote. Let's dive right in!
To kick things off, I love the title and its aptness. The poem delivered exactly what it promised. It's great that you picked up actual lines from the poem, this gives the reader a sense of achievement saying 'there it is' when they find it while reading. Great hook and title choice!
It's impressive how cleverly you use the metaphor here! First you imply your lover's eyes are as deep as the ocean or replicate its blue/green colour. Then you describe how they pull you in, as waves do, to double down on initial comparison. Very well executed!
It's an interesting idea that time has fled the scene altogether. I get what you mean by this but this part just sounded a bit wierd. Though not perfect, I think I have a few alternate suggestions -
The running clock
Has become our for
Or
When we're together
Time ceases to flow
Okay I LOVE this line. It's such an orginal way to depict it. You're holding your lover's hand with such caution in a rather delicate hold, that an outsider may mistake it for a fragile item like glass.
You capture unspoken feelings so well. It's so resonating. They're sweet and simple, great job!
I find this part so significant. You and your lover are undeniably smitten with each other, but this line tells the reader they understand each other beyond a superficial level as well. Beyond the looks, they know each other's soul and mannerisms. How very touching indeed!
An exceptional ending, bravo! I loved how these lines were similiar to yours before, the lover is relying on his caring actions to get across the message of the feelings being reciprocated. They're like an answer to the lines before. I love how strong and genuine the communication is between them both, despite no actual words being expressed in the silence.
I must admit, I'm specially in awe with the structure. It has such small sentences and doesn't betray the format once. There are some gentle rhymes, enhancing the softness of this work. There's an enchanting elegance to its simplicity.
A delightful read, it was my pleasure to review it for you. Hope I get to read more from you very soon.
PS- Don't worry, it looked awesome even without the spacing XD
Omg I did not expect all of the positive commentary (OTHER THAN THE FRICKING CUTIE THING AGHHHOFJPDOJPDOJSPO) I wasn't even going to post it but I really just decided that I needed to get rid of my points so then I could have my favorite number (we listen and we don't judge) so I posted it! But thank you so much for taking your time to review it!!!