I remember...
the first time I saw you.
Your ears flopped over
in your face as if
there was no bone
to keep them upright,
while your tongue
hung out, lopsided,
and your eyes sparkled
with a strange chocolate
glow.
I remember...
those times you'd
chase me around the house
and nip the back of my shirt
in hopes of catching me,
like the prey the wolf
in you yearned to catch.
Your nose was always
cold and wet when
you finally outran me.
I remember...
watching you hobble around
in the backyard of our vanilla
shaded house. Your legs
in the back didn't fully
cooperate with those
in the front, so instead
of frolicking it looked
like you were a drunkard
who had been kicked
from the saloon.
I remember...
having to sing to you in a storm,
while wrapping the thickest
blanket we had over your
frail, fuzzy body, just so that
you felt we were there
with you instead of
the loneliness we saw
in your eyes whenever
lightning flashed in the window
and thunder cracked the sky.
I remember...
you, in your old age, acting
like the puppy we'd first seen
whenever Matthew ruffled
your fur and growled at you.
The glint in your eyes
reminded us how long it
would take for you to
finally act those thirteen
years you surpassed
as Queen of the couch.
But now I see...
the pain in your eyes
as you try to stand
or walk to the back door
in order to fit in with your
sister an companion
Molly.
Now I see...
the guilt you feel when
you accidentally leave
pieces of you behind,
your ears perked back
and gaze constantly
shifting.
And now I know...
your heart is not mine
to pump life into.
your lungs are not mine
to keep breathing.
your legs are not mine
to keep moving.
and your life is not mine
to keep shackled.
And I'm sorry for
not realizing
that before.
That is a very cute and touching poem you have in there. The subject of the poem is your pet dog I presume. Usually people write very brief and general types of poems when the subject is their pet cat or dog or something. But what you have up there is truly amazing. It really touched me you know. and really, I could actually feel your feelings and I wanted to actually cry while reading the last part of the poem and was smiling the whole time when I was reading your poem, albeit the last part that is. I have never had a pet dog only had a few gold fishes, some fireflies and some pigeons but I would love to have a dog... Anyway whew! that was a very good poem and do keep writing.
That is a very cute and touching poem you have in there. The subject of the poem is your pet dog I presume. Usually people write very brief and general types of poems when the subject is their pet cat or dog or something. But what you have up there is truly amazing. It really touched me you know. and really, I could actually feel your feelings and I wanted to actually cry while reading the last part of the poem and was smiling the whole time when I was reading your poem, albeit the last part that is. I have never had a pet dog only had a few gold fishes, some fireflies and some pigeons but I would love to have a dog... Anyway whew! that was a very good poem and do keep writing.
I had a dog named Lilly. This is such a beautiful heart felt poem. A perfect example of why we write...so we can give a voice to our emotions and a voice to the beings who have none. I can feel your dogs soul and your passionate love towards her in this poem. Your imagery is absolutely amazing. You describe everything in perfect detail and I can practically watch you and your dog. The imagery makes this piece more sad. This part right here: Now I see...
the guilt you feel when
you accidentally leave
pieces of you behind,
your ears perked back
and gaze constantly
shifting.
And now I know...
your heart is not mine
to pump life into.
your lungs are not mine
to keep breathing.
your legs are not mine
to keep moving.
and your life is not mine
to keep shackled.
And I'm sorry for
not realizing
that before.
Is the most sad part because of the tension and the contrast of your dog feeling guilty to you feeling guilty. Really amazing job. I love it.
This was amazing. I absolutely loved it and felt every emotion (I think) that you poured in. I got a puppy recently so I am still up with the "I remember" parts of it... I loved the ending the most. "Your life is not mine to keep shackled." Best line out of the whole poem. Again, I loved it and I'm sorry you feel so sad.
Rocky...Alright. As requested:
Okay, while I was reading this, it really reminded me of my old doggie, Bo. I like how you peiced it in a story, how you kept the flow going. Times like this can be really hard, I know that, and I hope things get better with Lily.
You described Lily like she was a part of you, I liked that. You also peiced it in a timeline-sort-of-thing. First you started on when you first got Lily and then time passed and how she was starting to...get older. That really helped me picture all the moments in my mind.
You also put alot of effort into this. I know how it feels to lose someone, though from what you've told me, Lily isn't gone yet. It's hard to look at people you love...suffering. Just from reading this, it mirrored my life as well. All of the things you've mentioned in here are beautiful, Rocky. This is very good.
Overall, this is amazing. I hope things work out, though I know you're family is thinking of the best way to handle this. This poem is very touching. Great work. : )
~Pix.
Okay, wow. I could feel the emotion reading this, feel how much you love Lilly and how much it hurts you to see her like this. As for the poem itself, everything flowed so well; it made sense, the punctuation and grammar was great, I loved the format, and I honestly can't point out anything wrong. You described everything so wonderfully, too! It was sad, but heartfelt. I loved it! Never stop writing! <3
Wow I really loved this poem. It almost made me cry. Your emotion and voice was amazing. It flowed perfectly with the layout you chose. Even your spelling and punctuation were used well. The only mistake I noticed was in stanza #6 you put an instead of and.
Anyway, that was just a nit picky thing.
My rating: 5*s
My favorite part:
I remember...
the first time I saw you.
Your ears flopped over
in your face as if
there was no bone
to keep them upright,
while your tongue
hung out, lopsided,
and your eyes sparkled
with a strange chocolate
glow.
I remember...
those times you'd
chase me around the house
and nip the back of my shirt
in hopes of catching me,
like the prey the wolf
in you yearned to catch.
Your nose was always
cold and wet when
you finally outran me.
I remember...
watching you hobble around
in the backyard of our vanilla
shaded house. Your legs
in the back didn't fully
cooperate with those
in the front, so instead
of frolicking it looked
like you were a drunkard
who had been kicked
from the saloon.
I remember...
having to sing to you in a storm,
while wrapping the thickest
blanket we had over your
frail, fuzzy body, just so that
you felt we were there
with you instead of
the loneliness we saw
in your eyes whenever
lightning flashed in the window
and thunder cracked the sky.
I remember...
you, in your old age, acting
like the puppy we'd first seen
whenever Matthew ruffled
your fur and growled at you.
The glint in your eyes
reminded us how long it
would take for you to
finally act those thirteen
years you surpassed
as Queen of the couch.
But now I see...
the pain in your eyes
as you try to stand
or walk to the back door
in order to fit in with your
sister an companion
Molly.
Now I see...
the guilt you feel when
you accidentally leave
pieces of you behind,
your ears perked back
and gaze constantly
shifting.
And now I know...
your heart is not mine
to pump life into.
your lungs are not mine
to keep breathing.
your legs are not mine
to keep moving.
and your life is not mine
to keep shackled.
And I'm sorry for
not realizing
that before.
I loved it all, absolutely amazing.
Hope to read more of your work!
w&w