I'm not ready yet
To say goodbye again
So much that I wanted to say
For every try, the words just ran away.
No, I'm not ready this time
To sit here, bid goodbyes
Too many moments slipped away,
For this to be the final day.
And I'm not ready to
Let go of you
We're still far too high
For me to drop this time.
No, I'm not ready for
The opening of another door
I like this place I'm in
Just enough room to stand.
So why?
After all this time,
Will I wake from the dream
That's chasing me?
And why?
Am I lost this time?
Too lost to see my shadow
Or is it just me roaming about?
Why does this happen?
Time after time
Am I really that naive
To not see the light?
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,597 Reviews
Hey, dogs here to give you your review for the day! So this is a really nice piece, a little cliche topic but you used the cliche topic and put it into something different and new which is excellent! But Murtuza is right, the rhyming scheme should either be coincident or not at all or spread out somewhat evenly throughout the poem. Unless the rhyming starting out strong in the beginning and kinda disappearing in the end is symbolic for something (i don't really think so though...) then it's good.
This poem is good but i feel like you need to expand more on the topic then just saying "I'm not ready" and I messed up wish we had more time yada yada. Try something new blow the readers mind with something completely original or with your strong vocab, or strong imagery, or strong emotion. If you add one of these in there it would make more UMPH to your poetry, more PIZZAZ! *insert jazz hands here* "ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SHINNNEEEE". (Billy Elliot) Sorry bad musical analogies lol.
Also, you use some words too many times, increase your vocab so your not using so many simple words over and over again which can be a little boring.
But on the bright side!
"And I'm not ready to
Let go of you
We're still far too high
For me to drop this time."
I love this line, great metaphore and great imagery, now apply this excellence in this one stanza to your entire poem! That would make you fantastic!
This piece is good and has a lot of potential to be great! Keep up the good work!!!!
TuckEr EllsworTh
Hey, UpandOut15!
A simple poem about goodbyes and missed times, just as the title suggests. I like the simplicity of the piece and the easy way that you've managed to make it sound easy to understand.
I find that the rhyming in this is not consistent and lacks depth and proper flow. You've used far too many simple words for the rhyming and in certain moments, it sounds a little forced. Towards the middle, the rhyme fades and then at the end, there is zero rhyming form. In the last three stanzas, the word 'Why' becomes too repetitive and gets old really fast.
All in all, a neat poem with great potential and in need of some refinement. I'm looking forward to reading more your works. Keep the ink flowing!
Murtuza