The Sweet Little Objects

Here comes my first review!

First of all, I thought your imagery and description where spot on. The line " We came from the same imagination. little pieces of dreams stacked together like wood for a fire" helped visualize the point of the poem. However, even though the point can be visualized, it can not be fully understood. Which is a good thing, most of the time. This was not one of those times. Try to use your great description skills to really describe what you want to say in a poem. I feel like a lot of people might find this one confusing. Overall though, this way beautifully written and very descriptive. I look forward to seeing more from you.

Until The End
-Ari

Hey, Pentavalence here.

This is some lovely imagery and description you have here, but what exactly is it describing? Admittedly, I'm not the best at interpreting poetry, but this seems vague to me. Especially this stanza:"sometimes space has it, // other wish to //seek it," -- what is it? Even the title of the poem doesn't commit to anything (although I do like the recurring theme).

Other things: "finding objects // most flumadiddle." the word flumadiddle seemed a little lighthearted for what feels (to me) like a more bittersweet poem.

On a technical note, I think that in "we are human's space. " the word human's is punctuated wrong, but I'm not 100% sure. Also, 'others' in the third stanza is missing an s, as others might have already pointed out.

"they make us,
we are the brightest of all things.

seeing, moving and dying,
we are human's space. "

I think these lines are among my favorites for any poetry I've read. They're beautiful.

That's all from me, keep writing!

-Pentavalence

Hullo! I think I'll round the day off with a poetry review or two

Specifics

1. I'd like to suggest using 'altogether' instead of all together on the first line, mostly because I love ambiguity and clever little word plays but I also think it would add another level to this.

2.

love would envy us,
but hate loves us too.

sometimes space has it,
others wish to
seek it.

we came from the same
imagination. little pieces of dreams
stacked together like wood for a fire.

watching everything,
a tv set on an old
wood cabinet.

Hello!

Okay, so I like the images you have cobbled together here, but that's just what they feel like: cobbled together.
Nothing here really fits together for me. It's probably also that everything is really vague too. We never find out what "it" is at the beginning... It really is enormously vague, and that makes it super difficult to do a review on. Vagueness can be good on some things, but honestly I can't think of an example where it's good. I guess my example is that you don't want to get EXTREMELY SPECIFIC, but my general rule is that the more specific you can be in poetry, generally the better.
Vague things don't tell you anything, and they don't really make you feel anything. They're kind of a drag to read, actually. I feel like there's no content of substance here.

Like, tell me what you mean by
"love would envy us,
but hate loves us too."
And how that relates to everything else.

Something that I find really essential to not being vague is relying heavily on images. You can't pinpoint an emotion without using a simile or metaphor, really. Feelings are abstract things. That's why poets use so many poetic devices. If you give your poetry images, they will definitely be less vague. You do need to watch out for cliche images, however. Shattered hearts may be an image, but they are very cliche.

I like your "wood stacked together" image. That is an example of one, but they don't always have to be similes. I find metaphors to be generally more effective, but not always.

stare ennui, content by far.

finding objects,
most flumadiddle.

Hello, racket here to review your work!
Okay, well, I really like this. It's very well done and interesting, though there are a few little bits to fix, but not many. Good job! There's not much for me to suggest, so here are my nit-picks.
In your third stanza 'other' should be plural. So, you know, 'others'. XD
Your fourth stanza is a little strange in my opinion, not in content, but the way you spaced things. It's a little difficult to read, so I would suggest putting 'imagination' at the end of the first line. Maybe add a comma at the end of the second line to really emphasize the third line?
I really, really absolutely love your second stanza. It goes really deep and is completely true, that we all wish for love and it tries to mash its way into everything, while hate is always there just clinging... Anyways, very good job right there. I can connect with this, which is what you always want your readers to be able to do! So good job!

finding objects,
most flumadiddle.

I'm listening to too much Skrillex. HELP. I CAN'T ESCAPE.

Anyway, xJ here for a review!

The first stanza is fine, but I believe all the stanzas should be the same number of lines. It just looks more organized and altogether, better.

"love would envy us, but hate loves us." I feel like this would be better if it were: "Love would hate us, but hate would love us." Instead of envy being thrown in there. And the first line of this stanza is in past tense, and the second in present tense, which is why you need to pick one. You can't between tenses in the middle of a story, can you? Therefore you can't in a poem either, it just makes no sense to have two tenses when you are telling the story/poem from one point of view, and therefore one tense.

"sometimes space has it, other wish to seek it." Sometimes space has it? What is "it?" And i believe you forgot an "s" on "other."

"we came from the same imagination." Stick imagination back up with its sentence, there is no need to move it down to be on the same line as another sentence. Two sentences never go on one line in a poem! Remember that!

And same with this stanza, It went from something about an "it" to everyone coming from the same imagination. Therefore, I am not sure what you're trying to point out, as you keep switching up the focus point of this poem.

"a tv set on a old" ---> "a tv set on an old"

I looked up "flumadiddle," and found nothing. It even marks it self as not a word on my spellcheck. What were you trying to say?

"we are human's space." We're not human's space, we're humans.

It does need some serious work. I was confused on what you were trying to say. Objects make us humans? I wasn't sure. But it does need rewriting. The way its written now makes it extremely hard to understand. I hope you appreciate this critiquing as I am happy to give it.

-xJ ♥︎