Untitled

by Steggy

Published April 7, 2016

E - Everyone

In Poems

nocturnally hurdling through time 
in this space my body takes up, 
volume we define by what it displaces-- 
the places i'm in are calculated by what i give up.

life awaits with every moment,
not for you to remind us of your glory
that is how the petty exist--
not capable of handling their own insignificance.

as descending to a new tier of blackness
one so dark,
even the shadows seem white in comparison.

you cannot kill time
it sits there laughing at your tries,
watches as you confront it with lies
idly patient waiting for your demise.

enjoy it while you can
because time is forever, whereas we simply are not.

Comments & reviews · 3
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Joelsweet
Review
Joelsweet wrote a review Review · Apr 17, 2016

I wish this had a title! I almost skipped over it! :c
Ugh your flow is fantastic. I read this out loud, and it was even better than reading it in my head. I really appreciate how you didnt capitalize anything. Reading this, it reminds me of the work of EE Cummings a bit. Have you heard of him before? Anyway, this poem captures a really profound take on life. Part terrifying; part painfully realistic.
Anyways, I honestly liked this poem, and I'm looking forwards to future contributions by you! ^^

~Joelsweet
(Keep in mind that I'm by no means a professional poet, haha)

InfiniteRectangles wrote a review Review · Apr 7, 2016

Hello, InfiniteRectangles here!

This was a beautiful poem! That being said, the title doesn't do it justice. It would be a shame for someone to skip over this poem simply because it is untitled. If you can write a poem as captivating as this, then I'm sure you can write a captivating title to go with it! (Although I completely understand the struggle of coming up with a good title xD)

I've noticed that your poem has no capital letters. That may be a stylistic choice, so I won't dwell on that. However, if it was done intentionally, I suggest having your title in lower-case letters as well, so it won't seem out of place.

I like your use of punctuation. I've seen A LOT of poets on this site neglect punctuation (I've even been guilty of this.) I love that you used a variety of punctuation instead of just sticking to commas or periods. Variety can make the poem flow better, look better, and makes it less choppy, so good job on that!

That is all I have for you. This is a really great poem and I'm glad I came across it so that I could review it :) You're a very talented writer. Keep writing and have a wonderful day/night! :D

User avatar
EverStorm
Review
EverStorm wrote a review Review · Apr 7, 2016

You have deceived me! I waltzed in here thinking that this would be a cute little derp of a poem. Nope. Not one bit.

I really enjoyed the twists of darkness and taunting in this poem. I really see it entwined in it. It's not entirely the focus, and so it really is twisted in.

The only complaint I had was that it took a time to get through because of the format and long words. I don't really care if you fix that because honestly, the work was a big contribution to the overall effect.

Brilliantly done.

EverWinter



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