whispers of affection,
food for the gentle soul,
raindrops of adoration,
unexpectedly unroll.
a feeling to capture
and treasure forever,
entrancing in nature.
the kind to savor.
born out of passion
surging with fervor.
a worthy bastion full,
of love and pleasure.
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139,359 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hi Steggy! Cakerissa here!
I really liked all of your rhyming. This was a great take on love. Yes, it was short, but it was also meaningfull. I didnt see any grammar mistakes except maybe capitalization? I hope you write more stuff like this.
Till next time,
Cakerissa
This poem is so simple and adorable. I'm glad you kept the same shape of your lines, because shape is always nice. If you keep all your lines about the same size, it makes the poem look very nice.
I also appreciate the fact that you took the time to create a rhyme scheme here, it was a simple AB, AB, to go with the simple subject of the poem. Now, this is a common subject, but I like the simple effect you put on a common poem topic. Maybe you could put some emphasis on your own definition of love, to make things a little more unique in this poem.
I would also use some more vivid describing words, which creates imagery in your poem. Imagery hooks the reader to the poem so they can imagine what you are feeling right there with you. It's a simple case of "show" don't "tell," which is something probably many people have told MANY people.
If you get tired of hearing it, it means you should JUST DO IT!
Anyway, nice poem.
✖︎
Damn! You got me reciting this beautifully written work of art...mmm so captivating and simple too. Very detailed in such a short way. A long messaged summarised in a fewer words. Wow your good! This is pleasing and enjoyable to read out loud. Love the rhyming at the end of the lines so rhythmic and melodising!
Cheers!
Wow. Really nice poem. I thought your rhyming was super clever and great, I know I could never do it. Also, I agree with one of your previous comments; a positive love poem, so refreshing. I, myself write the really depressing kind haha.
I think the adjustment you made to that first stanza was perfect, it really gave it a great flow.
I really love the flow of that second stanza. When I recite it out loud, I almost want to rap it. It's really great. I especially like "the kind to savor" line that you added at the end, my favorite part of that stanza.
The last stanza didn't meet the standards of the other for me. It may be the way I'm reading it but I feel as though you lost the flow of your poem a little there. I think ending it with "pleasure" also threw things off. Maybe going back and revising that last stanza, seeing if you could make some improvements wouldn't hurt. Try reciting it out loud; it should be helpful. Other than that, amazing work.
Thank you! c:
Thank you! c:
Hello, Steggy!! RagingLive here to review your sweet and simple-yet-complex poem!
I felt that this was a poem with a lot of feeling, very deep. You had wonderful imagery and imagination. In fact, this piece is so well done that I have few nitpicks. I found your rhyming wonderful and your rhythm near perfect!! Great work!
If you are talking about how whispers of affection are food to a gentle soul, I totally get what you're saying. However, there is no room for an 'are' in there even if you wanted to place one and this makes it a little a bit confusing. Since there was no 'are' I had to reread to fully grasp what you meant. It might read a little easier and make more sense if you replace the 'a' in the second phrase with 'the' like this:
"whispers of affection, / food for a gentle soul,"
Where I come from, raindrops is one word. The way you have it now I read it literally as if rain drops of adoration. Like it's done with adoration. I'm not sure if you understand that, but it is kind of confusing so you might want to meld the two together.
I feel as though the rhythm of the next to last sentence is lacking a syllable or so. Maybe if you said something kind of like:
"a worthy bastion full / of love and pleasure."
Does that make sense? If it doesn't, that's fine it was just a suggestion.
I hope I could help you out today, Steggy, as I must say I'm becoming a huge fan of your poetry! As I said, you have wonderful rhyme and rhythm going in this poem and I know that can be a challenge, so bravo, my friend! This one deserves a 'Like'!
In the mean time, however, keep writing and keep on smiling!!
~RagingLive
Thank so much! And you help me immensely.
Awesome! I'm so glad!!
Hi!
Really great poem! It's rare I read a positive love poem - and this one was really good.
I love the rhyming pattern-it ties it together and for a poem on the topic of love, I think it was appropriate. I really like the way the lines flow into each other, its really easy to read and get lost in because of the rhythm and metre of the poem. I love the imagery you used, such as "rain drop" and "entrancing bastion" etc...
I also think the alliteration and other devices you used were really effective-the words role off the tongue.
Its a really simple poem, which captures the essence of love in 3 effective verses. All the key emotions felt in true love are mentioned. And I really like the way you ended it with "a worthy bastion, of love and pleasure" it sums it up perfectly.
Great job!
Tick tock
Thank you!