i will tell you all my feelings. i'll say them to the wind so wait by the window and listen carefully.
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139,640 Literary Works • 672,638 Reviews
Hey Steggs. Hope your Saturday is going well for you so let's take this review from the top.
-For the opening line of a poem, this is rather open. It makes sense considering the length of the work overall, but the first shock onto the reader kicks in. I actually do like it because it has power and a point behind it, I was just surprised to see you get to the point so soon. Usually there is some beating around the bush in metaphor. This is reversed and I'm liking it a lot.
-The flow is pretty graceful and never really sticks, except for this one little bit in the first line, which is why I'm mentioning flow all the way up here. In this line, it's "i will" and the next line it's "i'll". For some reason this stuck out to me, in that way where something doesn't quite sound right but you can't put your finger on it. It's like the first line is hugely impacted just by being stretched out a little bit.
-The speaker here sounds very dramatic and free with their feelings but also somehow serious at the same time. They leave an impact on the reader for sure because the audience wants to know the message and who the intended recipient is. If you ever felt like a rewrite or continuation, that's really the only way to go.
Note I do not recommend such a thing because your work is balanced at the moment so it would be a mistake to shake it up too much.
-The instructions are simple, like the rest of the poem, and is like that moment in a hallmark film when everyone goes "aww". Not joking. Best possible emotion I could find to describe the message that comes through to the readers.
-I find one of the better ways to look at works, is to talk about the songs they make you think of, especially in poems because of the stronger lyrical connection. To the first part of the poem, I was comparing it to a ZZ Top song but now I'd like to change my answer to part of a Disney soundtrack. If I had only been able to see one line at a time, I probably would have expected this to go another way but the follow up sentence was rather enchanting, hence the disney decision.
Overall, I did like this work. There wasn't much for me to dislike in it which is a really rare thing for me to say. I'll probably think of something to add later on in the day.
For now, Happy #RevMo .
~Liz
Hey there, Steggy! Shey here for a review!
Overall, I really loved this poem! It was short and sweet, but beautiful nontheless. And it teaches an important lesson, one which I'll elaborate on further down.
The rhythm of this piece is so unbelievably perfect in that regard. I don't think I could,make a complaint about if you paid me too, because it was simply flawless. Which is good, because this is an extremely short piece. In pieces of such length, you want to make sure that the one stanza is as flawless as possible. In longer pieces, if there's a rhythmic error early on, it can be forgotten about as you read further, and see better rhythm. In a short piece like this, there is no opportunity for readers to forget about errors, so it's vital that there are no errors. I guess I'm preaching to the choir though, because you did perfect, but my ramblings may be helpful in the future, possibly.
Honestly, the rhythm was so perfect I expected a rhyme in the final line. I'm not sure why rhythm = rhyme in my head, but it was set up like there could have been a rhyme. So not being met with one made me a little disappointed, but not very. The piece was still honestly amazing, and I commend you for it.
A lot of poets feel like they can only get their message across by writing long-winded, lengthy poems. They spend hours writing eleven, twelve stanza-long poems, because they think it's how they can get their emotions onto paper. Your poem here displays that no, a poem can be powerful and have the intended effect without being seriously long. I think it's a valuable lesson for poets, but that could just be me.
Overall, awesome job! Keep up the great work, cause I look forward to seeing more from you!
hi i really like this