life isn't about being
a piece of china in your grandma's
old cabinet. or about how
people throw fishing rods into your heart, expecting
new feelings to emerge.
no, it's about being able to
show color through different brush strokes and
punching walls with broken hopes and dreams.
and expressing yourself through
tiny words that used to be the sand are now
sandcastles of your deserted beach.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,359 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Legacy here for a review.
I love this poem so much. My favorite lines are "show color through different brush strokes and/ punching walls with broken hopes and dreams."
I could really feel the emotion in this poem. You do have some awkward punctuation but I think the aesthetic is really helped with everything being in lowercase. But please make sure that when you use punctuation, that you are using it to either help the flow or to make a point.
That's all I have for you today. Legacy out.
I love this poem, while it may be short, it still says a lot about life. I love how you say that life isn't about being a piece of chins in grandma's cabinet. Very creative, artful even, if that makes sense. I especially live this line: "And expressing yourself through tiny words that used to be the sand are now sandcastles of your deserted beach." I think it's a great metaphor saying how you make life your oyster. I think that you did wonderfully, I can't wait to see more poems fro you!:) Keep up the fantastical work!:D
Hey there Steggy! This is no longer in the green room but I thought I'd review it anyway, especially since it is something everyone can relate to!
Since this poem is very thorough and there's not a whole lot to comment on, I might be a little nitpicky. Hopefully it will help though. First thing that caught my eye was the beginning stanza. We are introduced with a metaphor of china in an old cabinet. Then, we jump straight to fishing rods and hearts. I think the transitioning could've been better here. I want a thorough understanding of how those two things go together (why they are in the same stanza) and what they have to do with life. Everything has a reason for being written in a particular area.
I liked the different perspectives, of what life is and isn't. It would've been bland to just have what life isn't, especially when the title of the poem is 'Life', haha. It would be interesting to see what other negative and positive experiences you could write about, seeing as the imagery was extremely vivid but the words together weren’t specific. Adding negative/positive ‘life’ related words might enhance the stanzas.
The main issue I had with the poem was transitioning with thoughts and concepts, as I said before. You have a clear message but the way it’s portrayed could be more organized than how it is now. You have the premise of metaphors and when it’s executed it goes from one piece of imagery to another without links of transitions.
This part was a mouthful. It was a lot to read at once and I think it might need rewording (unless I've just read it wrong). Perhaps something simpler, but still getting the same message across? Also, I love the sand imagery. This was probably the one area that went into most depth. I really enjoyed it!
I think the ending was nice. It wasn’t the best though. You had a concrete idea but it kind of stopped abruptly. Maybe wind down and slowly end the poem on a more powerful note, like something like this line:
.
Or some other powerful message. The ending has a lot of potential.
I hope this review helped a little. There wasn’t much to comment on so sorry if this was kind of bare; I tried giving my best advice. Thank you for sharing this poem!
Thank you for the review!
I like the way you have written this. so many poems especially those about life, give one the impression that the author is trying to be as profound as possible. this poem does a good job of talking about life in a manner that suggests the author isn't trying too hard. good. not everyone needs to try and write the next poem that will be quoted to death by high school seniors for the next several generations. there are already enough of those.
Hi! Space the Snickerzdoodle here for a review. ^^
I really liked this poem while I was reading it. It has a nice lyrical feeling to it, and it made me kinda nostalgic by just reading a few stanzas. I don't really know why though, except that it held a very nostalgic feeling to it as it kinda talked about what life really was. I believe that life is not set in stone, it is not perfect and you cannot write out your fate yourself, and I liked that this poem wasn't just like "life is perfect, enjoy it", it talked about stuff like "punching walls with broken hopes and dreams", meaning it's not perfect but you can still fight through it.
I really liked it, good job!
My one recommendation is to maybe make both stanzas more even, so they roll off the tongue a bit easier. That's really all!
-Space