Frost Lark News 9/11/16
Today's issue is brought to you by rioting and disregard for the rules that keep order and safety's fragile existence from collapsing in a painful yet spectacular display. In the print factory, riots have broken out. Our ungrateful journalists, who even have been paid to write, are protesting that they want to get some credit for the articles they write, in the articles they write. Isn't that ridiculous? But, since I, the manager of the printing factory, have resorted to locking myself in the bomb shelter under the basketball court in the Frost Lark Park to escape them, it looks like they will get there way. Under this is a list of all journalists plus any other worker in the factory, except the janitors, of course. Since after all, we aren't allowed to know they exist. Starting next issue, all articles will be signed by the corresponding journalist.
Susan Graham- Manager of Printing Factory and Head Journalist
Spencer Sharp- Co-director of Printing Factory and Journalist
Ginger Murray- Journalist
Markus Gerald- Journalist
Erick Harvey- Journalist and Caretaker of Prisoners
Orlando Clayton- Journalist
Skyla Holt- Journalist
Sonja Wallace- Journalist and Secretary of Treasury
We regret to inform you that Mayor Jerald Stewart has stepped down from mayor. A representative of The Frost Lark Governmental Force of Domestic Affairs has put out the following statement on the matter. “It is quite a sad day for Frost Lark, as Mayor Stewart is stepping down. It had been assumed he would run for another term, but apparently that is not happening. This is not suspicious, and definitely had nothing to do with us. For sure,” they said, putting emphasis on all the short “S” sounds before screeching and evaporating into a cloud of toxic gas. It is quite unusual- they referred to the mayor as Mayor Stewart, and not Mayor Jerald Stewart. Must be personal preference. Well, as usual, the election will be held on the last Sunday of September. The vigorous selection process rages on, and many candidates are dropping out of the race. With an entire 27 kilometers to go, it looks as though the options will be very narrowed down. Maybe this year, as unusual as it sounds, we'll only have two candidates. Wouldn't that be awful? What if you like neither? What if they are diametrically opposed?
What is the strongest emotion you have felt in the past ten minutes?
b) The Smell of Parmesan Cheese
c) Blissful happiness which convinces me I can fly
e) I have not existed in the past ten minutes.
Life is cold.
If you're hungry, you could try our bagels. They have a 90% death rate! Isn't that great?! Dunkin Donuts- America runs on Dunkin... Not that this is America or anything...
A french girl has joined our local middle school today. Actually, she joined about a week ago. We attempted to talk to her, since we rarely get people to move here, however she appears to only speak in dead languages, and so we couldn't understand a word she said! Her parents apparently are the only ones who can understand her, so looks like you'll need to speak with them if you want to converse with her. She is diagnosed with an illness where her tongues and vocal chords can only move that to speak in the aforementioned dead languages.
ANOTHER message has been printed onto our newspapers! This is getting ridiculous! Why doesn't the government actually do something about it rather than just acknowledge its existence and say they will fix it soon yet really forgets about several days later?!
Et mihi iterum. Numquam tam vigiles inherere facio mihi. Ego novi puella Gallica. Ego sum multis. Memento illucescente ultima septimana sunt carceris? Me. Quam ad vandalism duo weeks ago? Si hoc non legere vellem tamen fatendum est quod non possis audire sermones et si non satisfactione actu recipere poterunt. O bene. Major ego cogito facere. Paratos esse. Nam quodcumque facitis Gregorius fitzgerald suffragii non in comitiis maior. Oportet. I nunc eundum. Vale.