Town History Lesson or Weekly Poem
“Mother's Day”
I'm sure you're all aware today is Mother's Day. On this day, you celebrate all the things your mother has done for you, from helping with your math homework to teaching you how to use the college issued semi-automatic rifle. She is one of the many figures who shaped your life and made you who you are. Take a moment today to thank her, even if you never say it out loud. Sometimes, silence speaks louder than words. Further down, you can find a list of things to do today, and even doing just one would be sincere.
“Fall of Ruling”
The Bivoclar Lizards, the bipedal humanoid lizards secretly ruling our government, have fallen into anarchy. Constant attacks from the Order of the Library, tall, eight foot, hooded figures crippled them, giving Mayor Clayton an opportunity to rebel. Losing control of Frost Lark was further crippling, and they eventually retreated into the shadows. Currently, the Order of the Library is hunting them out to destroy the last of their pathetic species (I dare say it), but no word on if they were successful yet. In future papers we'll keep you updated.
“Frost Lark University”
Frost Lark University has been voted Most Efficient University in Town for 2017! This came as a surprise to many, because not many citizens knew we even had awards for universities in town. While I can understand the confusion, seeing as we only have one university in town, Frost Lark University, not awarded successful schools would be shameful. I am so glad the brick arm jutting out of FLU handed us a slip of paper suggesting we start awarding colleges in town. I am so glad it handed me a slip of paper claiming its abbreviation is horrible and should be changed, but we can't have everything we want, can we?
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Have you considered going to FLU? It's the only place in town where you can get degrees! It offers Bachelor's, Master's, Doctoral's, Overlord's, Grand Ruler's, and many more! If you're looking for a great education, try going to Frost Lark University!
This message brought to you by the brick arm jutting out of FLU. After some reconsideration, it's very possible FLU is sentient. Interesting. Perhaps the brick arm is just an extension of FLU itself. We'll have to think on this.
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Do you want to read all papers from Frost Lark News, for documentation's sake? Well, too bad... HOWEVER, we do have all papers since September documented! We highly encourage you read these, because Erick Harvey, our new archivist here at Frost Lark News, worked hard putting this portfolio together. Just go through this magic portal to read it!
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Survey Time
What segment should we add to future Frost Lark papers?
A continuation of last week's survey. If you've already answered, please refrain from doing so again.
a) Health Tips
b) Weekly Poem
c)Town History Lesson
d) Featured Citizen
e) Frost Lark Wildlife
“Mother's Day” (continued)
Here are some great ways to thank your mother on Mother's Day!
-Make her toast. Studies show that mother's like toast more than any other breakfast food. Apparently people actually study these things!
-Take her out to lunch. I hear George's Diner makes a mean hot dog.
-Give her a flower. Red flowers are usually a good choice. Deep red. Rich, like the color of blood.
-Buy her something. Anything. Just. Buy. Her. Something. We need the tax money.
-A simple “Happy Mother's Day!” goes a long way. So does a “Thank you.” And “I love you.”
Hopefully this short list was helpful! To all mothers in Frost Lark, happy Mother's Day!
So this is the first I've read of this, and it made me giggle. It kind of reminded me of Welcome to Night Vale (even though I've not listened to much of that), except less dark.
Well, I say less dark, but then you've got stuff like this.
On this day, you celebrate all the things your mother has done for you, from helping with your math homework to teaching you how to use the college issued semi-automatic rifle.
While I can understand the confusion, seeing as we only have one university in town, Frost Lark University, not awarded successful schools would be shameful. I am so glad the brick arm jutting out of FLU handed us a slip of paper suggesting we start awarding colleges in town. I am so glad it handed me a slip of paper claiming its abbreviation is horrible and should be changed, but we can't have everything we want, can we?
-Give her a flower. Red flowers are usually a good choice. Deep red. Rich, like the color of blood.
This list of Mother's Day activities was very helpful, considering Mother's Day was YESTERDAY. (I forgot that it happened it all. You know I rely on the news for these things...)
Anyway... THE LIZARDS HAVE FALLEN! THE COUNCIL WILL BURN!! THE ORDER WILL RISE!! THE ORDER WILL RISE!! THE ORDER WILL RISE!! THE ORDER WILL RISE!!
Hello! I have read Frost Lark News but never really took to review it because this is a satire-- I find it hard to review works from that genre especially because I take things quite literally until I'm told not to, yes, I know I'm a killjoy. That being said, I liked this instalment better than the others.
On this day, you celebrate all the things your mother has done from you,
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