When the creative side in me
Flip flops out onto the desk
And ink blots- black and red-
Fill the blank pages of my life
-
Gradually taking shape
Under guidance of my hands
Moulding the clay as best as I can
To fit my own purposes
-
Imperfect, of course, as always
But who can get it right?
Stained with acrylic paints
Permanently crushed dreams
-
After the drawing of my inner self
I'm red raw and naked
Stripped of all protection
By putting my feelings out
-
Anyone can see exactly who I am
Like a fresh wound bleeding
And flowing onto paper
In words and pencil sketches
-
And with the shink, shink, shink
Pencil shavings fall to the floor
Curled up and dead, but revealing
A brilliant sharp pencil tip
-
It takes one to know one
Just dig in with the knife
Whittle away the outer layer
And I know what you'll find
-
A fresh, damp heart still beating
Paper shreds surrounding a stone
Of deepest black engraved
With a word you'll never know
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,034 Literary Works • 672,918 Reviews
woah this poem really got to me, I have no critique apart from some punctuation needed so the reader knows how to go about reading it.
Other than that its very detailed and dramatically poetic description of life as a writer, which any writer would enjoy. It expresses perfectly the feeling a writer has when writing anything that has strong emotion as we realise people will be seeing things through our eyes and what if they do not like what they see. I believe this poem is showing how truly brave a thing like writing is. Thoroughly enjoyed it an loved the style
hope to see more from you.
Really Nice Poem! Unfortunately, I didn't connect with this as much as the others did because I'm not an artist. However, I still enjoyed the poem a lot. Especially how you show the senses.
Touch,smell,hearing,vision. Most of all, I can literally see the poem come alive in front of my eyes and feel my hands brushing against the paint. The poem is very real and I would say it is a personification of a human, if you get what I mean!
I love the way you honestly say things like putting my feelings out which is true for poetry.
Really great poem! I did connect with this a lot, especially the "imperfect, as always/but who can get it right?" and the very last stanza. If I take the last stanza literally, as in "I can't figure out what dang word I should use here", I get that feeling all the time when I write. (I know that wasn't the intended message, but I liked it a lot anyway.)
Anyway, on with the review.
Overall the style and tone is very good. I think you could use changing the first couple of stanzas to fit with the more dramatic tone later on in the poem. It seems to start out very casual and normal, but then become more and more metaphoric and meaningful toward the end. If you went back and changed the first three stanzas to match this metaphoric and deep feeling, I think it'd be a lot better.
Then again, I'm not a poet. Let me know if I'm just spouting nonsense
'Lo BeanBird!
this poem is such a serious feeling poem, I feel as if the words "flip flops" just do not belong. "Pours" might be a little cliche though, so different word choice is all I can suggest, as nothing in my limited vocabulary presents itself.Lovely to review your work one more. At least, I do believe that I have reviewed your work before not entirely sure. The first thing I'm gonna say is . . . woah. A couple of technical things though first.
Other than that, no other technical issues that I could spot. Please, tell me if I am being to forward, but I had previously read a work that I do believe to be yours, and I can deduce that you have had your heart broken before, maybe several times. I'm not going to go into a long sob story, but one quote comes to mind.
not entirely sure why, but it just seems to jump out at me and I will attempt to explain why.
The stanza, is interpreted in my mind as follows. If I am making a mistake, please correct me. The fresh, damp heart is still beating relates to how the heart has survived through horrible pain, the paper shreds perhaps lost love? Or pain? And of course, the word engraved that we will never know. I am a collector of depressing quotes I guess, for another quote, pops out in my head. I am going to take a stab that the word we will never see is something to the effect of the fact that the narrator's heart is hidden, since the narrator has been hurt before?
Once again, I apologize if I was to forward, this work was amazing and very touching. Please do, give me feedback on my review, and tell at least if some of my guesses where wrong.
Hugs! ~Luata
I remember the other one I read! The Soul of the Writer and the Artist or something to that effect!
Tigerlilly here to review!
As an artist and a writer, I found it quite easy to connect to this! Each time you write something, or draw something, its almost as if showing the world your scars and your feelings. In fact, this is why my favorite stanza is:
Anyone can see exactly who I am
Like a fresh wound bleeding
And flowing onto paper
In words and pencil sketches
As for critiquing, I think that the thing I found the most irritating would be the flow of the poem. The poem doesnt quite flow right, which could easily be fixed with a change of wording.
Anyways, excellent poem! 4/5 stars! Keep writing, I look forward to reading more of your works.
Hello again, peep!
?). It's a simple verse, but at the same time can never seem to be interpreted in the exact same way. It's very amusing, and a worthy end to this flavorful poem.
Another nice little poem you've got there, eh? It's truly the heart of a writer. But wait, shouldn't it be soul? As in the title? Hmmm, it really seems like you're writing about a heart here. I'm assuming that you interpreted the two as the same, in which case that is fine. However, if you meant solely for it to be a 'soul' (no pun intended), you might want to reword a few things here and there.
Other than that, the last line of your third verse is a little depressing, eh? It certainly took me by surprise. And while, I understand what you're trying to say (believe me, I'm dealing with plenty of that as I'm writing, too), it's a little... out of place... a little to sudden. It's a rather dark line in a poem I don't think you meant to be dark. So you might want to either create an entirely different verse for that line/concept similar to that line, or just remove it and substitute in another line/a line with similar meaning but is softer and less brutal.
But anyways, onto the highlights and the good points. The feeling that you're trying to convey has been properly conveyed, at least, to me. As a fellow writer (even if I'm a terrible one), it's very clear what the poem is pointing to, and what it is trying to express. Your clever imagery and metaphors are also a plus, giving life to something that we normally wouldn't think of in that way.
Also, the last verse is quite satisfying. Since this poem follows the chronological order of a piece in progress, the ending, of course, symbolizes a completed product (...right?
Not to mention, your rhythm survived quite intact throughout the entire work, and since it is a freestyle poem, there also is no need for rhymes. Despite the no rhyming, the piece flows surprisingly well, and I must commend you for that.
Overall, it is cutely written (yeah, please excuse my poor usage of the word 'cute'. I do that a lot ._.), and very accurate in portrayal of a writer's/artist's 'soul'! Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading your poems again. Happy writing!