From a lineage of science
comes a talented artist
She stands alone in her defiance
for the science she must resist
Yet somehow the two blend
in aspects of normality
in ways she can't comprehend
Already a set mentality
Freedom in colored pencil and ink
(The pencils are meticulously color ordered)
A mixture of red and white makes pink
(Written instructions carefully bordered)
She's passionate about art
in science she's skilled
Inside she's torn apart
she's terrified yet thrilled
But which will win out
when it's time to make the choice
Her eyes grow clouded with self-doubt
she will have to find her own voice
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Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hello, Falconer. Love the avvi.
I think this is an interesting subject that you have chosen to write about. I haven't really seen this subject talked about very much.
I personally connected to this in a rather roundabout way. My friend, let's call her Mary, is a very scientifically minded person. She posts a fun science fact every day on facebook instead of a life update. She has memorized about a trillion digits of pi, and she likes to do fun experiments in her backyard.
Guess what. She's an art major.
I feel like the subject that you write about might be a little unfinished. As I have seen in Mary, art and science can meld into a beautiful mess of a person, with entire series of paintings with color palettes inspired by pi, and a hilarious take on string theory (paintings where everything is made of ribbons).
While this narrator in the poem has to find her own voice, I feel like the poem should end with science and art becoming one. Look at Da Vinci! Scientist and artist! The two can certainly coexist, and I hope that you expand this poem to include this view.
I hope that this rather anecdotal review proves useful to you! Happy YWSing!
Thanks for the tips! I will try to work out an additional stanza where that happens.
I like the theme, I could relate to the first five lines. I like how when you wrote "Freedom in colored pencil and ink," to me it was implied that there are rules to freedom. (The ten commandments) It was also interesting when you wrote "She's passionate about art, in science she's skilled," in my opinion this means well rounded, as in great at almost everything. It was a great poem and I hope that you keep writing.
Thank you very much for the review! I'm very glad you were able to relate.
Hi.
The parallel between art and science is appealing.
However, at the end of the poem I didn't understand what was really the choice the girl was supposed to make.
Between red and white? Between art and science?
Or is it metaphorical that she has to make a choice between everything. To me, it wasn't quite clear. The language was simple and engaging, the length of the work contributed to the idea that the unnamed character can only think about the subject for a small amount of time before she descends into madness.
I think your character is going mad with indecision.
Thought provoking.
Thanks for the review! Yes, she is choosing between science and art, I will try and make that a little bit clearer! Pretty much indecision is the enemy here, and the narrator cannot really help herself, although she tries.