When we describe
The movement of stars
It is often called
Graceful.
-
When we say
"They move across the sky"
We say they waltz
Or drift or glide
-
Supposedly serene
They float or glimmer
Dancing and sailing
Their way along
-
But
-
It was not so in the beginning
Exhilarating velocity
They wheeled about
On collision courses
-
They danced with violence
Being born one second
And dying the next
In an outpouring of matter
-
Dust and particles
Zooming this way and that
Chaos ruled
And out came perfect beauty
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
It is a very nice poem. I like the descriptions. Descriptions are one of the things I like. I read the poem out loud and it soundede nice. It was also very smooth. It did not rhyme, but that is OK:D
I do not know what else to say.
Wait! I do!
Good luck and keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01
Heya, Chrissy here for a review!
Well, let's see
if I can rip it to shredswhat I can find.Okay, you need to toss a couple periods and commas in there. A comma after sky, and waltz. Period after glide. And you can take out the "or" right after the waltz. It breaks the flow a bit.
You need to do this to the entire poem, btw. It shouldn't be too hard. If you can write a poem this awesome, you can do that!
That was all I could really find. Good job! This was beautiful, and described the sky at night wonderfully. I could see the stars spinning when you were talking about collision courses.
KEEP WRITING!
I like the symmetry of this piece. The three peaceful, but, then three chaotic. Space has always intrigued me and this poem is a beautiful capture of it's ferocity. Space looks so peaceful from earth but in reality it is a beautiful dance between destruction and creation and I think this poem encompasses this perfectly. I don't see anything that you would need to change about this poem. Good Job!
Heya!
Okay so I loved this poem. I've always loved Astronomy.
How you described the stars gave them meaning and as if they were living graceful creatures.
You showed us that the stars are graceful but then described how they were not always that way. They developed into what they are today. Even if you weren't trying to symbolize anything, I picked up that what you described is a representation of some people. They start out with this energy and rush and they become more wise and peaceful. Bravo.
First of all, congratulations on writing such a beautiful piece of poetry. I like the way you started with divulging how we normally describe the movement of the stars. And then you swiftly moved to "your" description of their movements.
What I loved about this poem is how you described stars as if they were something with life.
I loved the simplicity of your writing and the way you put your words.
If something needs improvement that is, grammar mistakes, which are very few though. Subtly noticeable. Also, check out for your vocabulary.
All in all, this is a very good poem! And I am really looking forward to more such pieces of writings from you.
Good luck and keep writing!
Thanks for the review! I didn't happen to catch any grammatical errors, were there some in particular that you saw that I should fix?
lol no.... there aren't any...was writing two reviews at a time, so I guess their texts got merged or something
There are no mistakes in your text...it's perfert and beautiful
Ah, thanks for the clarification.
I'm glad you enjoyed it so much!
Hello, xJ here writing a review.
A beautiful poem with a great title! But If you were trying to use symbolism, I could not tell what you were trying to symbolize. If not, this poem is awesome! The first stanza was already a great introduction to a beautiful and in depth poem. Although a bit simplistic, I felt the emotion of this poem. The last two stanzas were my favorite, though. Especially: "An outpouring of matter" and "And out came perfect beauty."
This poem was very well written with a nice flow, and very few grammatical errors. This may not have a wide range of vocabulary but I liked it enough to give it a like. Overall, excellent work. ^.^
May all your travels through space and time be merry,
-xJ ❤︎
Thank you. It was not meant to symbolize anything, merely thinking about the beginnings of stars. True, I probably could have used some better vocabulary. ^.^