People speak of
burning bridges
behind them as they go.
Destroying the links
to their past
so they can spend
their energy
looking forward
instead.
I, too,
burn my bridges
but in front
and not behind.
I destroy
the paths
to my future.
In one regretful action
I turn my life
.dnuora
I expected to wake up
but I wasn't dreaming
and I had this sick feeling
that made me dizzy
and nauseous.
The smoke
was in my lungs
from the fire
and it set me to coughing,
dry heaving until
I felt hollow
and empty.
No where to run
no other options
except hiding
in my past,
dwelling
where nothing now
exists.
My mind is somewhere else
but my body
lies frail
under white sheets
and hooked into IVs.
I can't rouse myself
from my home in the past
because my future is
cut off.
And if I wake up,
.
I will die.
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140,397 Literary Works • 673,155 Reviews
Mind if I review this? Cynder here. I liked your piece, and agree with some of the things others have said. However, I don't agree with what someone said: which is that it was ok that it didn't flow. I think the thoughts were a little disconnected. If you changed the format or structure, however, I think you could make it even cooler. You could make it so that everything is a separate thought, and the end makes the end of a story, the end of a life. That way, you don't have to connect anything and it all makes more sense. I also think you could add more to it. Maybe you don't feel that way, but I think you can pull out even more emotion from it. Describe the important details a little more. Also explain your "home of the past." That sounds really cool, but you move on to something else right after. I want to know how dark the home is, or how you can't find a door to exit it for fear of dying. Does your conscious want freedom? Is it weak or strong? Dig deeper, because you can always back off if need be. Anyways, I really liked your piece. Well done, and keep improving
Cynder out~
Hello Falc!! \/\/onder is here! I thought your piece was very interesting! I didn't really want to read it at first because I am feeling lazy but I kept reading and I didn't feel very bored anymore. I liked this because it's dramatic in it's own little way and even though I'm not used to this kind of poem I thought it was very clever. As the other readers have said: There is nothing to fix here. I believe you can edit it to look more professional. The period you put at then end to separate the two stanzas isn't necessary. Change it to this to keep the dramatic pause:
And if I wake up
...I will die--
That makes it look better. Agree?
Also I didn't know what this was:
I turn my life
.dnuora
So I cant comment on that but anyway, good job. I hope to read more of your works in the future. Keep writing and NEVER get discouraged!
~\/\/onder
I was expecting a better flow...but then I realized...flow doesn't matter with this piece. It was written how it was, and I absolutely love it. By the end, when I read 'I will die,' my heart was pounding, and it was just so good. I felt it. I felt it. Your poem made me feel something in my chest, and I loved it. Thank you for the emotion. Thanks for this piece.
So, in conclusion, there is nothing to fix here. But just keep writing and getting better so I will be brought to tears next time I read your work.
Wow! Thank you so much. I appreciate it a lot, and I will do my best to improve.
Wow! This poem is so deep and meaningful! The message that you have displayed to your readers is outstanding and beyond belief. You have amazing and insane creativity, sometimes I find that that lacks in authors, bu not you! This poem is original. You brought something new to the plate of poetry, and I have to say that it's something very appetizing. Okay, if that was the cheesiest saying you have ever heard I'm sorry... because I'm not exactly the best at "sayings". Anyway, I'm gonna shut up now and get to the review.
So, this poem has a super deep and powerful meaning. I love the idea of burning bridges. The imagery that you have painted with your words is spectacular. It shows a clear image of what some people do with their pasts. They burn it and never look back. That could be a poem all in its self but you take it a step further and say that you have burned down he bridge to your future.
This, for me, is a plot twist. Yo aren't writing about something that has been written before. You could've easily written a half-hearted poem about forgetting your past, but you didn't and that is what makes this poem so unique. It is real. There's no sugar coating, it is all raw emotion. I really find that attractive in poems.
I think that the ending is the glue that pieces it all together. I love how you paint another picture showing how you will die without this past that you can never get back because you have already "burned it down". You paint a vivid picture which really reflects on how great of an author you are!
I am so happy that I have discovered this piece, and I am psyched that you have more poems! You have so much unreached potential! Great job and NEVER stop writing... you have a gift!
Keep writing bro.
~#41
Wow! I'm glad that you loved this so much! This was an idea I just thought was very cool, and I wanted to experiment with it. Thank you very much for the review!