Capturing a spark
and igniting the fire
in the golden shadows of evening
when the clouds cherish the light
and hold it close.
Fireflies, orbiting me
like supernovas flashing and
gleaming in the air
their life threads
dangling and tangling
into the night.
The rain, gleaming silver
in the streetlight
fell softly on the girl
dancing beneath the yellow halo.
The songs and the tears
caught in the moonbeams
not of earth
nor of the sky
but a piece of light
saved in a locket.
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139,790 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
Hey Falconer,
I love this poem. It all talks about light, such a simple concept. But each stanza seems to bring out a different emotion even thought it's all just light. I agree with CaptainSaltWater about the "dangling and tangling into the night." part but other than that I can't find anything wrong with this poem.
I especially love the last stanza, just the sadness that I feel from it. It makes me imagine someone losing a loved one, but only having a locket to remember them by. Very powerful.
Overall this is a amazing poem. And as always, keep writing.
-Incohesive Scribbles
Thanks! Yeah, I agree that I love the last stanza too.
Hey the Falco! CaptainSalty here with a review.
I did see that this got literary spotlight, but it has been in the Green Room for a couple days. Pretty amazing achievement!
Alright, shall we get started?
Well, I do want to say that you write some pretty good poetry. I really do like this one. I didn't see a lot of errors, but I did see something that didn't flow well.
I do like these lines, but for the first line I showed you I would put this.
That way it looks and flows better.
Overall, I didn't see many errors. I like the big metaphor of everything being saved into a locket. It ended the poem perfectly and smoothly. Great job! I do want to see more of your poems. Don't give up and always write!
-CaptainSalty
Thanks! I'll fix that.
I liked the depth of your poem. I liked the use of simile in your poem. Well I am just a beginner as far as writing poems so I hope you don't mind me asking that what does locket stand for? The scenic beauty you brought out through the poem is well appreciated.
Thanks for the review! (and also, welcome to YWS! Feel free to ask any questions)
The locket just stood for people holding onto little bits of light in their life, and it's something close to them so I connected that to lockets.
Thanks..got it