cloudy knees, dirty skies

The meaning behind this poem is not clear to me. Perhaps there isn't even a meaning to it but if there is don't fear my mind just cannot fathom anything but the literal.
I did not get the poem However, I appreciate it for its lyrical qualities. The fluidity of this poem makes for an enjoyable read. The familiar images created with your similes and metaphors prevented an abstract poem from alienating the reader.
I also liked how you deliberately spaced out the word stretching it's an interesting writing technique.
I haven't much criticism as I don't understand fully so what to me seems out of place may fit perfect with the poems meaning.

Hey pomp!
So you already got a lot of reviews for this, so I hope you don't mind another! I just wanted to complete my clouds/dirt/whatever series of reviews. And also I need more reviews to get 50. Let's get started.

As always, I love this. It's diction and effects and tone and UGH EVERYTHING are just so lovely. I really wish I could write with your kind of diction.

Let's do this stanza by stanza. I like that.

One~
Your first line is lovely. It gets my attention quite well.
I like how you related the skin on your teeth to rust and stuff. But I find a disconnect between this skin and the yellow hands in the morning. I don't see how they are related, other than they're both kinda gross.
but I don't really have anything else to say for this. It flowed well and the images, though disconnected, were vivid and meaningful in their own rights.

Two~
Gosh. I love this. The sensory details you use here are fantastic. I can imagine biting down on the sky myself. I feel like it would be cold and smooth like glass. Anyway, I do feel like touch is something you are missing in terms of sensory detail in that stanza.

Three is perfect. It makes sense, it is beautifully phrased, it flows, it has awesome allusions... I can't improve it. I also like the subtle rhyme you have there. I'm counting the single line as a part of this stanza because it is good too. I like the tie-back to the first line.

Four~
Again, I find a disconnect between the beginning of the stanza and the end. You talk about the sky, but suddenly it's not there, it's at the dry-cleaners. I like both of these parts separately, but I'd like to know the connection. I'd also like to know the MC's reaction to the sky being gone, seemingly.
I feel like the second "Stretching" should be more stretched than the first and the third should be even moreso, but maybe that's just me.


And the rest is perfect. honestly, I have so few complaints about this. It's awesome. I love how well the words work and weave together. The images and sensory details are just loverly.
It's just one of those rare poems that are truly fantastic. The only thing I wished for was more connection between the poem. And that goes for stanzas too. I sort of caught the poem "plot" but there were a couple of parts I felt were unneeded or didn't fit.

I hope this helped somewhat!
Keep writing!
~fortis

Hey RompahPomp!

I've reviewed @fortis and @Arkhaion with their poems of the same title, so I thought I'd tackle yours as it's still in the featured works section. Aren't you lucky!

First, I'm super into it. You've all written really different poems from the same prompt and managed to make each one beautiful. This is definitely a beautiful poem and it flows in some really nice ways. Your imagery is for the most part on point and I'm really REALLY into your use of repetition and the lack of punctuation. They're elements that are working very hard for your poem and you do them justice through your line breaks and the way you treat the subject of each line. Enough gush! Time for the grit.

Your second stanza: What. It stands out here as a movement away from the lovely imagery and the strong hold on the voice of the poem you have everywhere else. The first line is beautiful, don't change it muur. The second line I can deal with, I was awkward about the suddenly but I think I can get behind it. I'm not into this list of what "you" are. It feels clunky and a bit... contrived perhaps? What are you doing with this? Your other images are stronger, they hold on to the line and pull the reader in with it, but this felt very forgettable. "Tropical snowstorms" is in the same vein, it's just not up to the standard of the rest of the poem.

In your third stanza, first line, consider losing "a", keeping it doesn't do anything drastic, I just think the movement and line sound better without it. Fourth stanza, second line "twirling and dancing" is a major drop from the detailed and relevant imagery you've been using, why this bland statement? Much like the earlier listing, this feels like it needs more, it's lacklustre. You've proven you can do better in this poem alone, so I'm allowed to say: do better. You're wasting lines, throwing them away on base images when you could make every second of this poem something I relate to and yearn for and feel in my bones.

I was going to tell you that your final line is just no good and it needed to be changed drastically. I've thought about it a bit more, though, and I think that's wrong. Your final line is, at the moment, boring. Not just boring, it doesn't reflect the tone of the poem and it makes me feel like the bottom of the poem just dropped out and instead of falling and shocking myself awake, I stepped onto another concrete platform and it goes nowhere. Where is this line going? I think what I'd suggest is just to add some of the colloquialism/casual language you have earlier. Even a simple change like the addition of "after all, you tumbled..." would really wake this line up and make it a strong final line.

As I said above, I'm hella into this poem, I think you've done incredibly well with your prompt and you've written something beautiful and engaging. Thanks for posting it!

- Penguin.

POMP. YOU IDEA THIEF ;-;

(for totally making fun of a trend, though, this is wonderful xD)

I am by no means talented in the art of unwrapping the secrets of poetry. Therefore, I have absolutely nothing valid to say about your poem, except that, I think its absolutely beautiful. The person below informs me that your poem is about a butterfly, which I didn't know while reading it. I am NOT saying that is a bad thing. I think that is what makes it so beautiful. Is it just about a pretty bug or is it more? (rhetorical) I know that a lot of times, readers take writing more deeply than the author intended *cough* all English teachers ever, so if I'm being too cryptic, I apologize. You're very talented. I actually have no idea where this review went or meant but I just really like your poem despite not completely understanding it, so thanks and write more and sorry If I was confusing so yeah imma shut up now.

Hello!

Stegosaurus here for a review!

As I can tell, you did the same- yet different- idea most people have done on here including me >.>. I liked the imagery you have in here and the words seems so lively like the tones of a butterfly's wings could describe your words in this poem- you have a talent. I also loved the similes in here as they give the theme and tone.

There are some things that I like to point out in this poem:

To me, even though the imagery is lovely and all, you should give a rest of it- like a sudden stop in driving. However, you can just leave it as itself; simply a suggestion.

the sky, they say,

I AM IN NO WAY A PROFESSIONAL IN THE FIELD OF POETRY SO FEEL FREE TO DISREGARD ALL I SAY ,but please don't(-;

I loved that... I know I say it to often... But I loved that. I was creative crazy and beauty-full all at the same time. It reminds me of some of my very early work(much better though). I love your view of the world and how you express the images in your head. Images are what this poem really creates for me ...AND I LOVE IT

NEVER STOP WRITING!!!!

Great poem. I don't really have much to say in terms of a review. I would like to say that on Mondays maybe not you but I'm pretty much sad because I have to head to school. But hey I don't know how you would decide on Monday as the day you choose. The title of your poem is slightly confusing. "Cloudy knees, dirty skies. Yet you wrote about the person biting into the sky. The title could use some change but all and all nice poem.