I was trying to make this into a rhyming poem, but whatever I did it just seemed forced, so I gave up and left it like this. It isn't much, but what I like about it is it's message, which is why I posted it. I don't really need any critiques on this, since I have no intention on doing anything with it, I just wanted to share. Enjoy :).
The body and the spirit
Are two separate entities
Connected only
By the bridge of life.
...
If you wish to know
The secrets it holds
You must first be resistant
To your own mortal flaws.
...
For it is true
That you have no soul
You are a soul
And you have a body.
...
It is your possession
So treat it kindly
But never forget
What lies inside.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,874 Reviews
To MysteryMe,
I know you aren't looking for any reviews but I just wanted to say- WOW! I absolutely loved this and the writing style you implemented. It didn't seem like a rhyming poem to me but whatever you had done was absolutely one hundred percent perfect. I have no criticism for it at all. Maybe you could add more or another poem in response to it or the idea of it. And the stanza's you used were amazing it gave a very good affect to the poem. I just thought it was captivating and enticing and a really good idea!
-gottahaveFaith
Thank you!!! I'm so glad you liked it!!!
Hey MysteryMe, its CrystalPony21 here to review this is what I thought of the piece (don't worry I'm no critique)
This was amazing! I loved how well written it was and my opinion it flowed in it's own way which made it have no need what so ever for rhyming. It made complete sense to me actually unlike a lot of works I've read over which was delightfully shocking for me, I was actually wondering what gave you the inspiration for this. It was interesting but I wondered how it came upon you, your grammar and spelling got a 10 and you emotion got an 8.5 on my charts. But that's not that bad actually, I knew this one person who I gave a 4.7... that's pretty bad, but hey not every poem is an emotional one. Anyway great one! ^^ I'm actually pretty impressed! Keep writing, I look forward to reading more! Again, this was one of the most well written pieces of poetry I've ever read!
~CrystalPony21
Wow, thanks so much! I'm so glad you liked it!
I was inspired to write this mainly because all the girls at my school have started to become very vain (wearing lots of makeup, slutty clothing, you know the drill) and it's just been getting on my nerve XD. I've always been someone who kind of looks past appearances, and it bothers me that no one else seems to understand that looks aren't the most important thing in life.
I hear you on that.... Looking nice can make you feel good but that isn't the most important thing in life by far.