One day my future self
will look back on all these moments
with a sickening sting of nostalgia
burning in the back of her mind.
.
She will see my pain
and pity me,
knowing that there
is so much more to come.
.
She will see my joy
and laugh at me,
knowing that I
have seen nothing yet.
.
And she will see my fears
and simply shrug,
because no matter what happened
at least she made it.
.
At least I will have survived.
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139,546 Literary Works • 672,605 Reviews
Hey, MysteryMe!
I just really liked your other poem, You say, and I believe, so I came to see more of your works because I believe that they will be just as amazing! Well, I was right. I loved the title, I love the way you end all of your poems I have read so far, and I love how deep those words go.
First reason of me loving this : I can empathize with this so well that it makes me want to cry. I'm sure that you don't want to hear about how my life basically went, but I'll just give you a short version of it so that you'd understand just how much emotions I feel about this poem : Abandoned by friends, alone, bullying, people leaving, harsh education, crushing stress, no understanding from anyone, separated from the person I love the most (as a friend) because of education. Whew. Well, I did have some happy and stupid times in the past, and your poem perfectly describes how I feel when I look back. Like, 'Jeez. You have no idea what you're going to go through, man.'
I really like those lines:
One day my future self
will look back on all these moments
with a sickening sting of nostalgia
burning in the back of her mind.
Just, wow. A sickening sting of nostalgia... That perfectly describes how sad 'she' feels. There can't be any better word choices. I want to remember that line forever. Seriously. A sickening sting. Nobody could have described that better...
Wonderful. I can't find anything to fix. This thing is a perfectly crafted work of literary art, if you get what I mean. Thank you SO MUCH for letting me read this by posting it.
Please, I beg you, keep on writing - Mephis
Wow, thank you so much! I'm so glad you love my poem, and your review really means so much to me! I definitely feel for you about your life (I can even relate for some aspects) and I'm so happy that it meant something to you and helped encourage you. I'm always hoping to make a difference with my writing, and the fact that i did just a little bit really made my day
.
Whenever I am in some serious pain such as an illness, a feud or just a plain bad day I always tell myself 'it will all just be a memory'. Which is why I think I've connected with this poem so well.
I'm sure everyone gets like this. I like the phrase 'sting of nostalgia' it's what a lot of people get whenever they rethink about a moment in their lives that is painful or embarrassing.
I really liked how you ended this poem. It ends on a very high note which not many poems do. It gives hope and leaves readers in a good mood.
What I also like is how both of these girls are separate. The two seem so different but they are both the same. That adds an element of originality and strangeness to your poem which I really enjoyed.
So all in all I like how uplifting this poem is. Many poems no deal with the harshness of life and never give hope. You do address the harshness but you end on such a high note that this harshness seems weak and I loved that the most.
I love how this poem makes you think back on all the times you've worried and how it was really nothing. I love the poem reminds you that the worries and joys you are experiencing now are nothing compared to the future.
On another note you have good flow but some does not make sense like Sickening sting of nostalgia. If you want some constructive criticism, it might be interesting to play around with your sentence structure for a poem like this, instead of just one sentence per stanza.
Hi MysteryMe, this is Sherri!
I love the message you've shown here; the idea of a future-self looking back at a self in the present is an interesting thought. Do you mind if I ask where you got the inspiration?
Review-wise, I have to say there's nothing wrong with your spelling or grammar. I actually only have a few things to say!
First of all, I love the final line; at first I thought it would offset the balance of the poem--since you go from a constant four-line stanza to as singular line--but it actually turned out great!
Secondly, I agree with AddictedtoDelusion on your word choice. I would amp it up a little and add more imagery to make your poem really shine. This might be cheating, but sometimes when I get stuck, I'll either flip through a dictionary or browse dictionary.com... I know that sounds boring and kind of weird, but it really helps when you can't think of anything.
Finally, I just wanted to say that I love the message you send out here! It's inspirational in a way; you did a great job! I can't wait to see what else you write!
I love the universal message of the poem and how you were able to make it so clear and simple, but loaded with meaning.
I love the concept of looking back at your past self and reflecting on the optimistic side of a hard time (even if it is just being alive). I think this is unique, yet something that a lot of people can relate to.
I like the alliteration in "sickening sting of nostalgia" because it sounds almost venomous, and the change in POV in the last line.
If you want some constructive criticism, it might be interesting to play around with your sentence structure for a poem like this, instead of just one sentence per stanza. You could also spend more time on word choice which will highlight your message as much as possible.
Overall, this is a good poem. Keep writing