Young Writers Society

Hello, Ley!

I'm here to review another one of your poems. Overall, this poem wears its questions and uncertainty well. It reads like a train of thought and the reader gets to follow along easily with the speaker. Your poem follows a clear linear structure, almost as if we're in the process of drowning already as we question it. With that said, let's get into it!

Would I glide along the current,
Or simply sink to the bottom?

I love how you ease us into the imagery with a simple start. The readers can use this as a jumping-off point to sink into the poem.

Would the water cradle me in silence...

This has to be my favorite stanza. You juxtapose this idea of whether drowning would be harsh or gentle the best in this line. On one hand, you have the words "crash" and "sting" which create a harsh environment, but they're canceled out by "cradle" and "haze." It's a kaleidoscope of imagery that is written very well and fits the vibes of this poem perfectly. Amazing job!

I wonder what it'd be like to drown
to be engulfed by the sea's embrace

Ahh!! Circle ending. I love a good circle ending. This one works especially well since everything that happened in the poem was all imagination Since the speaker never got an answer, they go back to just wondering. But hopefully, the speaker never finds out, I've read it's a terrible way to go. Thanks for publishing; I enjoyed reading!

Happy Writing!
Wist

Wow, Ley this one really got me. Out of all of your poetry, this one feels the most present and personal to me. It is entirely based on these internal thoughts, wonders, and reflections, which makes it so much more meaningful and narrative like.

The first line is not a question, but a statement.

I wonder what it'd be like to drown.

This says the following to me: I already know the answer, but instead, I am wondering which of the possibilities I have imagined are most true.

Would I gasp for air?
I wonder if I'd feel the oxygen escape
from my lungs, or if my fingers would prune,
and peel.

This stanza was very direct. This poem feels very literal to me, though of course there are a lot of situations that drowning could be a symbol of, like letting oneself go, giving up, accepting a situation of life circumstance.This part of the poem focusses on the physical sensation in the lungs and skin. The prune and peel part was really pleasant to read. We continue this physical analysis in the next stanza, when you talk about salt water in eyes, as well as what you would hear, waves or whispers or silence. You do a fantastic job going through the body with this eerie but peaceful tone.

Would I remember every breath I've taken,
each heartbeat, each pulse of life?
Or, would my thoughts scatter like mice,
and leave my brain soggy and wet?

This part really hit me. We often focus on the physical sensations of pain and death and trying and hard work and giving up, but not the thoughts and emotions that come with them. It is like those things that ask, "what would you do if you knew today was your last day?" but its so much deeper than that. what would you think? would you be remembering everything? who would you remember or miss? would I be filled with regret? would I want to fight again, only for it to be too late? or, would I finally feel relief. Exactly what you say here:

to merge with the tides and currents,
to come to peace with it all.

this is the type of poem that I look forward to reviewing and reading. because it means something to you and it means something to me. maybe you are drowning, but in the words that give you the strength to keep swimming.

or maybe you've got a Derek Shepherd who's gonna jump in and pull you out of the water really soon

either way, I love you and this poem has made my day better. keep writing, please

your friend,
Ellie

great ocean/water metaphors ley <333 always love your poetry.

i wonder what it'd be like to drown,
to be engulfed by the sea's embrace,

this. i love this. <33
ily & ur poemtry <33 all da hugs in the world for you 🫂🫂