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Young Writers Society

18+ Language

your chasm.

by LadySpark

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

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58 Reviews

Points: 3978
Reviews: 58

Sat Mar 25, 2023 12:57 pm
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Euphory wrote a review...

This review is brought to you by ♡ Euphoria's Coffeehouse ♡ <3 Enjoy your hibiscus tea!


THIS POEM IS *chef's kiss*! It takes my breath away everytime I read it (i suspect you have dropped my jaw to the floor at this point) and I cannot begin to explain just how delightful your poetic voice is.

-> Let's start with some of my favorite bits of imagery!

i want to forget the sound of your ribs shattering on the floor after i dropped them again - hands too full of your slippery glass tears to keep a grip

i am nestled between your heart beats. i am your vocal chords restrung to only say i love hate you

JUST <3 gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous.

-> Overall theme of the poem
Obviously, it's centered around a falling relationship, using provocative imagery of body parts and organs as metaphors that explain the downfall of your love.

The repetition of the phrase kiss me clumsy, almost not a kiss at all makes me think that the relationship is not yet over, and still both parties cannot so much as kiss because of the divide that's slowly forging between them.

And of course, the gradual descent from the poet initially living inside their lover's heart (quite literally) to becoming a sentient being that restrings vocal cords and breaks bones is a beautiful way of describing the destruction the poet may have inflicted on their lover.

Personally, I interpret this poem to mean that the poet has idealised their lover so much, particularly their lover's suffering, that they have lost perspective on who their lover is as a whole, separate individual. The fever of their lover warming the poet, as well as the poet wishing to sink back into the lover's chasm, and in turn making their lover fit into the places they carved out -> it makes me think of someone who feels they cannot receive love unless they are fixing someone who is in pain, and instead, inadvertently, breaks all their bones instead, unable to handle their lover with the delicacy they require.

The "to only say i love hate you is also interesting, because it could mean that there was love in the past, when they fit into each other's places naturally, and now that that neither are able to remember how they belonged to one another, there is only searing hate remaining.

-> Some thoughts on perspective

This poem is strictly from the POV of the poet, and their wrongdoings.
There is not much mention of what the lover themselves had done, how it is their fault- but this restricted POV works perfectly for this poem.

-> Little details I enjoyed!

clang, clatter, crash

our last love letter

ANNND that's it! All in all, your poem was a dream of a thing to read today (and I have a feeling I'm going to be mulling over it for a while!) Let me know if this review was helpful, and if there's anything I can tweak to make it better! <33333333 much love!

LadySpark says...

Thank you for your amazing, thoughtful review!!

Euphory says...

You're very welcome! I hope it was helpful!!

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22 Reviews

Points: 642
Reviews: 22

Thu Mar 16, 2023 8:35 am
yamatri wrote a review...

This poem feels like a ride on raw emotion. I like it a lot, the image of bones and tears and skin and fever gave it a sinister and gory feeling.
I am not very good at understanding abstract things but here is what I got from the poem.
the author is talking about their relationship where she is well aware of the harm, they are causing each other, the relationship feels a little toxic, but she still thinks this is where she belongs, the author is harming her lover by discarding his bone to create a chasm of belonging and vice versa, so he can fit the image she has created for him. (I am not sure I am getting it right thought)

the italics are the conversation between you two I suppose. it was a great poem.
I really liked reading it :-)

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Points: 183
Reviews: 2

Fri Mar 10, 2023 10:49 am
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noahfencebut wrote a review...

this is so visceral, i love it. i think the imagery of the ribs, the skin, the fever and the tears create such a vivid image of what you’re portraying. i really like your form, it’s very interesting to read—and the italics add that edge of detail which i think really deepens the work. it kind of gives it an extra layer of context that helps to understand what’s happening.

i really love it :) great work!!

Perfect kindness acts without thinking of kindness.
— Lao Tse