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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
hi spark!
it is always a pleasure to read your poetry, and i don't think i've ever reviewed it? so i figured i would help this out of the green room!
i think the strongest part of this poem is how you progress through time (years ago / in the meantime) to emphasize how long you've been in love. the dynamic between the narrator and their partner changes each stanza, not in a way that can drastically change the narrative, but enough to show how everyone has grown over time. that is one of the most beautiful things about love; no one remains unchanged. i am really glad to see that expressed in a poem.
this is GORGEOUS
i've always loved how you personify the mountains/nature around you (like the "cliff for a jaw" line), and it's very intimate and clearly close to your relationship. i love how it's juxtaposed with celestial imagery as well, and there are always stars or constellations or the sun. it shows that your love isn't just this one intimate gesture that means something only to you, but instead, this all-encompassing thing that exists everywhere, to everyone.
this is a beautiful way to write about intimacy, and it does showcase what i mentioned in the previous paragraph, but i think it's rather brash compared to your other images. you have stars in coffee, a mountain faced man, etc, and then you have a very direct reference to sex. it feels out of place to me.
obviously, we know what it's about. i think it shifts the tone more abruptly into overt rather than the allegorical tone the poem had before. i know that you can write these stunning, surreal metaphors, so what about this line makes that impossible? how can you allude to sexual intimacy without directly saying it happened? since i feel that takes away any poetic framing from the stanza because it is so abrupt compared to the other stanzas.
this is really interesting! it is sort of self-referential to me, but not in a way that is problematic for the flow; juxtaposed with the scientific terminology, i think it's even stronger. it seems like it wouldn't fit together, but it does.
ending with a really thought-provoking idea here, that your love is something you have been "fated" to do in a way. after a while, love really does start to become who you are, even physically. it becomes this vocation that you offer to the world. that is what i interpret these closing lines to be in reference to, and the whole poem builds towards this huge finale, anyway.
but yeah, like i said, i love your poetry! i feel like i can't do this justice, so hopefully my thoughts are clear. it was sad to see this sit so long! <3
best,
chi
You are the best!!! Thank you so much for your insight!!!
This was an amazing work of poetry. I have rarely seen such passion and yearning put into words so well. My jaw literally dropped when I read the lines: "since, i've spent years walking up and down your spine/the curves, the edges, the backbone that stands ram-rod straight/the rib caged piano flattened into infinite space between my morning and evening suns/east and west settled beneath your collarbones". The way you incorporated your lover's body into marvels of nature and space was absolutely magnificent. I also loved the line: "all this time, i've wished i could bottle those first few weeks into perfume". It gave me a beautiful yet melancholy perfumery of nostalgia, longing, and passion. It smells like a deep, dark sea you wish to drown in. Your poem has inspired me to attempt to write a piece of romantic poetry of my own. I hope to even be half as good as this. You clearly feel very deeply for this person and I hope that they know that they are very lucky to have you as their partner.