Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence.
fire; response
you grab and you grab and you grab.
there's nothing to hold onto,
(just ghosts trapped in doorways and memories trapped under floor boards)
smoke trapped in lungs,
scrubbing at your chest with the embers on the tip of your cigarette,
smoke trapped in lungs,
filling your lungs with a person praying it will catch.
praying that you can warm the chattering bones of the person.
warm their bones.
warm you.
you'll grab hold of skin that rips from ribcages far too easily,
you'll say i'm sorry to a closed door,
you'll tell someone about your not-so earth shattering love,
you'll wish you weren't alive and fight to live every second.
water; it's hard to clean without any soap and only buckets of water
you can breathe and breathe and breathe
but that doesn't change the fact that you're drowning
in yourself,
that you're absolutely dead.
the cars smacking each other on the interstate were going to be your lullaby or your funeral song.
when you get up the next day, you have that same old smelly soul,
that same rotting mind
those same words stuck in the back of your throat, something you can't swallow away.
you're just as bad as you think you are.
they tell you, when you go to therapy,
there's an ocean braking in your ribs.
an ocean breaking in your ribs.
an ocean.
your ribs are cracking and there's nothing you can do, glue them back together,
get up, put your spine back in place. stitch your heart back together.
ignore what they told you in therapy.
ignore that they said stitching it back together for the hundredth time
isn't very good for its heartbeat.
ignore.
air; suffocating
so it's suicidal love that arrives at your front doorstep,
soaked to the skin and in need of CPR.
soaked to the skin and begging you for something you can't remember.
soaked and begging.
you turn your head and close your door and whisper not today,
ignore the soaked and begging.
you don't know CPR anyway.
stars; you can get dizzy if you don't remember where you're headed
you hide your shotgun in your mouth.
you hide your pills in the blue sky and convince her they're stars.
you tell her, lips pressed to a bloody neck and eyes closed
your eyes are a galaxy, your lips are a constellation, i get lost in your planets
i get lost, get lost, lost.
she never gave you an ephemeris but you knew anyway that home was between her lips.
tornadoes; deconstruction
you spend your mornings counting on your fingers
how many times you screamed so loud you shattered your skin
shattered your soul
shattered.
you spend your mornings telling yourself that you are just a jigsaw
with so many missing pieces, you'll never be put back together.
you spend your nights imagining a boy with the leather jacket,
a boy with green eyes,
a boy.
he tells you pretty things and hands you bullets
and tells you to keep them in your medicine cabinet for safe keeping.
you do, but somehow you don't feel as safe
so you hide them in your shot gun instead,
safe.
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ffffffrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiccccccckkkkkkeeeeeeennnnnnnnn llllloovvvvveeeeeeee tttttthhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiisssssssss aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah dannngggg this is so good
It took me a while to get to this because it took me a while to accept this and digest it. Your flow is arctic smooth and terrifying with the continents of content beneath the surface. You capture the mind of the intrusive-thought suicidal ideation victim well and also miss a few marks along the way? Which is okay because everyone's endeavor with the beast is different and no one can say to you "Your suicide is wrong" because screw them.
I almost want to say, being familiar with your work, that this is told from a narrator speaking to YOU as the Sikenesque You, reversed Shinjied. Repetition works. Images work. Narration works. Lyricism works.
ALL OF IT works.
But all of it just works and none of it blows me away because I think all of it received medium amounts of attention instead of particular parts receiving astounding amounts of TLC that they could deserve and utilize to become outstanding pieces of literature. That's my greatest critique if I'm being perfectly honest, and I'd put it in stars because that's where your impact will be greatest. That's where you'll hit the most hearts. That's where you'll save the most lives.
I love you. I love your poetry. Come back to me more often.
Ty
I love you. I love your poetry. I miss you
Hello! Tigerlilly here to review this absolutely wonderful piece of writing!
WOW! I love this sooooooooo much! I saw your little comment thing on the peoples tab and I just had to check this out. I'm so glad I did. I wasn't originally going to review anything today but holy crud this is amazing!! I liked the fire, water, air, etc. thing you did because it's so beautiful and every word falls into place perfectly (from my point of view, anyways.) I also really liked how you didn't add the capitalization, because I think it adds to the character of this poem. Somehow capitalization doesn't fit with the theme, and I'm sure you've already recognized that.
I especially liked the bit with the stars, because even though it was one of the shorter stanzas, it had the biggest impact on me. I can really relate to this poem and the talent and hard work put in it is just... Wow. Well done!!
Needless to say, I couldn't find anything wrong with the poem. It's one of the best pieces I've seen on YWS and I will not be forgetting it in a hurry. Oh, and if you don't mind, I'd really like to show this to one of my friends. She's not on YWS but I feel like she'd enjoy this poem as much as I do. Please, please keep writing. I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
please do!
I think this is a really beautiful work, and I enjoyed reading it. I love how it's split up into fire, air, water, etc. and there are words next to each of the bold headings. If I had to change something, it would be the fact that there are no capital letters, but that may just be how you like to write. Other than that, it's amazing.