Young Writers Society

"the way his voice rises up like sonnets in my dreams" <333 Well I love that line.

This is so neat; how the landscape becomes synonymous with the love and vice-versa. Lovely imagery and nice use of playing with parenthesis in a way that doesn't feel gimmicky but creates a greater implication of intimacy with the lack of a space and trading of pronouns. Beautiful imagery throughout.

Hey there, Sofia here with a review!

Wow, I really really liked this one! I like how simple and ambiguous the title is. I also think you really ended it with a emotional and killer last line;

"my heart upturned over mountain ranges"

I love the way you experiment with punctuation with the parentheticals, such as;

"watching his(my) hair move beneath jagged sunbeams
i(he) cut(s) out stars of flesh, toss them out into a new constellation."

very cool, I love when writers take risks like that! All in all I think you did a great job on this one Keep writing!

Sofie

this is the most beautiful poem i've read in a long time. good stuff, really good stuff.

Hi hi! Love the poem (and the font. Too much YWS stuff has that same old arial . . .)

SO I am not too good with a b s t r a c t stuff so I'll do my best. The poem seems kind of longing and heartfelt. Especially considering the fact that this is poem #108 , and that the fact that it's 108 is referenced within the poem, too, gives a hint at the depth of the narrator's longing.

First off, one thing I was a little interested about was why you decided to pick the object of this poem to be a cowboy. Reading through the poem again, there's really nothing said that solidifies the importance of him being a cowboy, but it did make the poem stand out, at least!

Second, the little pronoun switches in the parentheses was . . . unique? It was a bit disconcerting, but I managed to get through haha. Each time there was a pronoun, you switched it from one to the other, almost like the cowboy and the narrator are mirroring each other.

So in the fourth stanza, the narrator gets descriptive. It's a little more elaborate than the rest of the poem, but nevertheless it gets the same point across as the rest of it. The poem seems to be mostly about the narrator (and the cowboy?) watching the cowboy (narrator?) and observing and writing about the observations. The cowboy and the narrator seem to have a bit of an obsession for each other, too.

Now for some little things I liked!

i watch him when the cobwebs come and

my heart upturned over mountain ranges.