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you read too many books while i read the pages of your skin

by LadySpark


you read too many books and i watch you
because while you are studying the gift of words
i study you
i paint every picture in likeness of you
so when you look at my walls you see your own eyes
and hair like the wind scribbled there in dusty ink.

you never let go of the concept that i might be a good person
hidden under the onion layers of dried and crusty feelings
but i am smarter than you so i write across your palm with blue paint
and watch it smear on your freckled cheek when you wipe the tears away.

you write words in chains around your head and they braid your eyelashes
into ropes that catch me and pull me in when i try to walk away
every inch of you is an artist's playground and i want to be the one
to swing from your ribs and kiss your lips.

i think i put too much thought into every gift i deliver through words
because you never pay attention, just nod--i can feel you wondering
why i never try harder for you.

you never understood that you were a fragment in every thought bubble i have
so you pop them on accident and don't try to apologize.

neither of us have ever been good at words,
so i know i'll always read the pages of your skin like the books you love so much.


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Sat Sep 12, 2015 3:36 pm
Remington38 wrote a review...



Let's see if I can come anywhere near describing how I felt about this. Absolutely amazing and completely relatable. You've molded imagery and characters than in poem can only be described as human. E first stanza is my favorite with the description of the ink. This was amazing and heart felt, wrapped in emotions. I am not one usually for poetry. Edgar Allen Poe was as far as I would go but I've been testing the waters here and so far I am amazed.
Remington38




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Thu May 22, 2014 2:44 am
GreenLight24 says...



This is both beautiful and relatable. The emotions, thoughts, and frustrations you've described here are eerily familiar. Good job! :D




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Wed May 21, 2014 8:31 pm
Pinkiegirl13 says...



Hello, this is pinkie. I am your reviewer for today.

To say, I love this story. I can't stop crying from this. Your words were speaking to me. It is actually remains me of myself when I was little. I really enjoyed this story. Very much!

This is pinkie, your reviewer. And these are your review.




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Wed May 21, 2014 2:05 am
TimmyJake wrote a review...



I remember a little while ago receiving some help from you, Sparkles... This is your forte, not mine, so I don't know what help I can be, but I will do my best to review this piece! :D

As usual, Nitpicks first!

hidden under the onion layers of dried and crusty feelings


I get the whole onion layer thing. Very descriptive and imagery filled, but without alot of words to describe that--perfect.

The dried and crusty thing didn't seem to go with the onion part. Too... dry? I don't know. :p

but i am smarter than you


You don't ever say why you are smarter than him... Are you smarter than he is because you smear his face with paint? The question is there, but not the answer.

ion, just nod--i can


I understand that poetry is freestyle and the artist can put it however he or she chooses. But you have adopted a certain style for this poem... Without any punctuation to speak of, save for the occasional period at the end of a sentence... And then you have all this punctuation.

you never understood that you were


The entire poem has been in the present tense, told as the feelings go through your mind... So it seems strange to flip to past tense, especially when it seems like it should be in present, maintaining the style of the poem.

Spoiler! :
Now this is more of a question than a nitpick, but I usually have it when I see poems like these. Most of the time(all the time, really), I don't ask it, just read and comment on other parts... But why no capitalization of the I? I know that alot of poets do it to make yourself seem smaller. And its all throughout poetry, so it isn't like its not proper poetry etiquette. And its not from laziness, either. With all of this technology, Microsoft Word makes it capital for you!
I am just curious for your reason for not capitalizing "I".


Comments on general poem and stuff...

So this was an amazing poem, Sparks. Not unlike the other poetry you write! :D You seem to have a very distinct style throughout your poems, all bearing the same template, but with a different message inside.

I must say that I am not used to the paragraphing used for this kind of poem. But once I see it for a while now... I can say that I like it a lot! The standard formatting for poems does get old.

As for the content, I can only say that it was amazing. The ideas you can come up with. The stories you can come up with. Just wow

My favorite part would have to be....

neither of us have ever been good at words


This part just spoke out to me like nothing else... I have never been good at words, not at all. I can't keep a conversation going to save my life. On paper, my words come to life. But in real life, talking to someone? Can't do it at ALL.
So this really said a lot to me. Maybe I am not the only one out there like this, and maybe there is hope for me yet. :)
Keep Sparkling along,
~Darth Timmyjake




LadySpark says...


I don't capitalize i's because that's my style. I've spent years creating a style that's my own and that I feel comfortable with. I feel like there's more room for expression when I don't use caps or a lot of punctuation, because all you're left with is language. No fancy stuff to hide weak images. It's just me and the poem.



timmyjake says...


Thay made a lot of sense. I figured that you would have a reason for it. :)
There are no weak images, I asssure you...



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Tue May 20, 2014 5:14 pm
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retrodisco666 wrote a review...



Hallo, 'tis Retro here for a review!

Well I most certainly had to review this! I'll make some general comments and then delve into what I loved!

Every stanza is a long sentence, which I'm assuming stylistic. However, you have multiple ideas within each stanza and there are places where it is clear when there should be a full stop. So, personally, I would put them in.

'you never let go of the concept that i might be a good person
hidden under the onion layers of dried and crusty feelings
but i am smarter than you'

I get what you were trying to say here but I just felt the last part threw it all off. It just feels a bit awkwardly worded, but that might just be my reading of it :)

Well that is it, onto what I loved. This poem is frankly breathtaking. You have some beautiful imagery with is genuinely astounding. There is also pure emotion which is incredibly well written. I don't really have anything else to say other than well done my friend, well done.

*Liked*
Keep it up,
~Retro




LadySpark says...


<3



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Tue May 20, 2014 2:20 pm
beeyaay wrote a review...



stop it!
o my God.
I'm crying......
is this real??? you need to tell her......
oooo, don't mind me at all :D *in tears*
I'm bee, and I'm gonna review this without trying to show too much emotion.
this was miserable, miserable and beautiful. the words were so perfectly crafted i was drawn from the title down to the last full stop. i didn't find any mistakes whatsoever, not with your punctuations, not wit you grammar because i wasn't looking only enjoying the flow that looked like it will never stop, till........BAM! Full stop at the end and it was gone, silently......i loved the effect of this. this is poetry at it's best. keep writing!




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Tue May 20, 2014 12:14 pm
Panda11 says...



Spark... oh spark...




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Mon May 19, 2014 4:06 pm
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Audy wrote a review...



Sparkie!

Love this! I think you do a great job with all your fantastic and beautiful imagery that in turn give this piece a lot of beauty and heart. There is drama to it, there is tension, I really get this sense of pulling me in, but also pushing me out, which is SO, SO central to its theme so these elements I absolutely adore, and as a reader, I mean, these are feels, of course it was great fun to dive into that and to read and to absorb, so I've no complaints at all as a reader, I actually enjoyed my reading of it (except for the ending which I'll go over).

My review is not really to address what I didn't enjoy, because I enjoyed all of it. Instead, my review is going to go over the craft of this and my thoughts on the craft, only because there were strands here I think can be just more poignant on a technical level, and because even if we enjoy a piece, there can always be improving, yes?

So!

Content wise, I like the idea that we have the relationship of a reader(possibly writer) and an artist (possibly another writer as well), whether romantic or not is not really clear and I am fine with that ambiguity. Throughout the piece we're given some insight in their relationship, and I think you do a great job with the voice: that you and I that lends itself to this pulling/pushing tension. I'm going to be using pulling/pushing a lot, so really quick I want to address what I mean -- it's when you have one person who wants to be closer/intimate, and the other person who wants distance. And this plays out both in tone/voice and situations. So you have both an event that the speaker is talking about and the speaker pulls the reader in, and pushes the reader out. And then you have the actual story of this relationship where you have things like:

"you read too many books" --> This seems to be pushing. The speaker is almost like, ugh why do you read so much. You pay more attention to books then to me (this is kind of implied and what I get from it)

"and I watch you, I study you" --> This seems to be pulling, I like that you read a lot, I'm going to read you.

"you never let go of the concept..." --> this is like pulling/pushing in few words at once, which is great economy of words to describe the dynamic. Somebody who is pulling towards this idea of a good person, and the speaker pushing away from this concept and I LOVE that. If you can maintain this level of economy in each stanza/line, asdofihasdouifhasdihfsdoifh <3

"you write words in chain...swing from your ribs" --> This seems to be pulling, and I absolutely love the buildup of this stanza and the gain we get is very satisfying there at the end, the swinging from the ribs line is probably one of my favorites of the piece.

"...i put too much thought...you never pay attention" --> pushing here. Now, so this is kind of interesting, but also kind of lacking. SO interesting because so far in this poem we have particular themes of this magnetic attraction, you know the third stanza symbolizes that the best because we have an actual image of an eye/gaze/look acting like a literal chain or braid drawing the speaker in. Conceptual image of attraction.

The pulling/pushing theme also highlights this pretty well which leads me to believe that this is indeed the underlying theme.

There's also an interesting layer adding some dynamics to this piece that we get revealed in the second stanza. The idea of two artists pulled towards one another, perhaps they are each other's inspirations, and we get this added conflict of 'do I/don't I deserve you.

This conflict plays into the theme very well. But by the time we get to the fourth stanza, it's like we're getting a lot of distance (I'll go over distance/intimacy in the Technical aspect of my review). The reader doesn't know much about this relationship, just kind of the conceptual aspect of it, which is revealed in this poem: this conceptual view of a relationship. And so, we don't know details.

We don't know what leads up to the writing of this poem/why it's being written, or who did what to who or what happened, none of that. So in the fourth stanza, we get some information that sort of forces us to rethink the poem, which I loved, it made the poem more real for me! But I think it needed to have been more poignant/executed better.

Up to this moment it was pretty consistent of having the speaker pushing and the "you/guy" pulling, and we get the flip here in the fourth, "You never pay attention, just nod..." of the "you/guy" pushing, and the speaker pulling. And it is both interesting and real, because this is sort of realistic thing that happens in relationships, both sides push and pull and a lot of the problems arises when one side does all the pushing, and all of a sudden, they're no longer doing that and they're pulling instead, and it's almost like the flipping happens to maintain that pulling/pushing equilibrium and YET because of that change of dynamic, it almost always makes things worse! Loved it.

It *did* throw me into a loop in the sense that I had to re-orient myself, so I figure I'd just point that out for pointing-out sake. And indeed, from four up to that last stanza, we get the flipped side -- "I" is pulling and "you" is pushing, and that's interesting! But I say it could be executed better because it took a lot of me slowing down and connecting to see who is doing what and what is being said, and it doesn't come so effortlessly off the page. This is the kind of thing I struggle with too in my own writings, I think the way of fixing it is a precision thing, and trying to make sure that each word is saying what it needs to be saying and to cut away anything unnecessary or needlessly ambiguous.


The ending. Underwhelming. A tie-back to the title, but I don't think this poem needs that? I think the piece in every stanza ties back to the title, so in that sense the end was a more definitive tie-back that I found unnecessary. I think, see what other reviewers say about the ending, but for me personally, I like the end of "don't try to apologize"




Technical

The form of this piece is like the speaker is mulling over his/her experiences in the classic "you/andI" fashion.

The double-edged sword or struggle of writing "you and I poems" (because every form has its positive and has its negative) is that it has the tendency to close the reader off. This is like when you have two people who have an intimate conversation with inside jokes and memories.

Inviting a third person into that conversation (the reader) can either be like, eavesdropping into some juicy tidbits but not really a part of the whole thing (because inside jokes and intimate memories you're not a part of) OR it can open it up to the reader and be of the kind of, hey -- you're revealing these intimate things to me and I feel like you're sharing something personal and I'm becoming a part of this, I relate to this, this was me at some point, or this was us at some point. And so you want to be very, very careful that you lean towards the latter and not the former and it's a delicate balance and this has all to do with voice and where the poem is being specific and giving the reader information, and where it's being closed off and not revealing enough information.


Stanza two is a good stanza for introducing why the speaker likes "you", because at the same time she doesn't agree with the concept of her being a good person, she also clings to it and she likes that "you" sees her in this way. Now, the "but I am smarter" begins to lose/distance us here taking us in a different direction we're not as privy to. Stanza three is a great stanza for revealing information to us and that dynamic of how the speaker feels! Stanza four is kind of like a slap "you never pay attention" whhat, where did this come from? So it distances us again, and so forth.


wind scribbled there in dusty ink. dust



hidden under the onion layers of dried and crusty feelings

This line doesn't come out nearly as strong, the motif of good person behind rough exterior, but there's not much done with it; perhaps an art or writing metaphor here to tighten everything together

but i am smarter than you so i write across your palm with blue paint
and watch it smear on your freckled cheek when you wipe the tears away

is the tears being wiped away to signify knowledge of the truth, or shock/denial; I like the play of that ambiguity but it rings vague.

Aaaaand that's all I have to say! This has become quite the overlong review, I apologize xD It's not my intention to overthink things, but I hope that at the least it can shed some spots of my thinking throughout the reading of this poem! Feel free to let me know if there's any confusion, or you wanna chat this one out.

I shall check out your other piece at a later time, because I know you have two and I'm excited to read ALLOFTHEM but time constraints, yuck! xD Love, love, love your poems and seeing them grow and improve and all that, it was a delightful reading anything that gets me to talk on and on about the art and form and content and all that is a piece that evokes my passions! It's an exciting thing.

~ as always, Audy




LadySpark says...


<333333




If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
— Oscar Wilde