I look at you, a glamorous maiden, atop the exalted pedestal of True beauty,
My eyes stare in adoration. I think of you, your radiance that vanquishes any thought of imperfection
And my mind is blown to pieces.
Then finally I begin to feel, develop feelings for the purity of the light before me
And my heart palpitates pitifully.
All this for a flower that seems open and true, inviting me to come and profess all
My secrets dark.
I approach hesitantly, afraid to go for that which seems to beautiful to be seen
By one such as I, undeserving of your grace
I get closer at a steady pace and your eyes meet mine, clouded by longing but afraid of the
Risk of tying the bow of forbidden love.
We stretch forwards, aiming to grasp the other's hand, but people and circumstances keep us apart, making the distance seem too much to tackle.
But we shall not give in to this pressure, be it small or ENORMOUS, we promise each
other to overcome the other's obstacles together.
We press on, shrugging off the weight of criticisms, prohibitions and curses,
The forbidden love we must create.
She grasps at my wrinkled hands and I grasp at her silk-smooth hands,
Both contrasting appendages locking in the symbol of our resolve.
I gently tug her to me, the threat of being crushed hovering above our heads ominously
But right then and there I let it rain as a ballad of my love.
Heads were hung and gloom started to fall on my fearfully weak body, pressing me down
One knee before her as she watches.
Then I feel it, what I have been waiting for.
The lifting of the weight of gloom
and depression, as pure
compassion radiates from a
single point.
Her soft hand atop my the mat of hair that crowns my head and the remaining one cradling my cheek, slowly lifting my face.
Her wide orbs of love and light peer into my dimmed torchlights of disappearing despair
And immediately I rise
I can feel it stronger now,
surging, raging, rampaging as it floods my entire system
Yes that feeling
That crazy rush made me lift her up high, my spirits rising to meet her in exuberance
And she....Yes she....Wrapped me in her embrace as we sung praises to the heavens above and at last I was at peace.
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137,701 Literary Works • 672,063 Reviews
I loved it and I can feel the emotion which I feel is the most important in poetry, well writing entirely. I would say because this poetry stanzas are normally there, but also feel like poetry can be without stanza's just English class is a lie lol. I feel like that is the only thing I'm going to comment on grammatically because I read other comments and I feel like they got it lol. I loved the emotion behind the poem and I cannot wait to read more of your stuff because this was just amazing, so keep up the amazing work *thumbs up*.
Amazing!!! I love this. I envy you 'cause I am terrible at writing poetry. I may try to post one some time, just for fun.
This is a beautifully crafted poem that can be interpreted in many ways.
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Hi, manila here for a review! Let's get the nitpicky things out of the way, shall we?
The meaning of the capital "t" would be appreciated.
Would dimming lights be associated with appearingdespair?
Comma after "Yes".
You also have some capitalization inconsistencies at the beginning of each line. It's better to stick to one or another.
Those are the most striking things that came up to mind when I reviewed. The narrator and the female mentioned in this poem seem to be forbidden lovers, the male being significantly older than the female (saying that he died first and has wrinkled hands?). Their love is so beautiful and intimate it cannot be put into a single emotion. You portray this love wonderfully with symbolism and vivid imagery, none that I can argue with...
That's all from me. Good work - Don't forget to make things clear to the reader.
-Manilla out
(Feel free to disregard any comment you deem unhelpful or rude. That was not my intention.)
Firstly, thank you ever so much for your review. Secondly, every comment is appreciated be they rude or not but yours were rather helpful. The random caps were from copying my work from Google Docs, and due to format difference, the capitalized words did not start in another line. The "T" in True beauty however, was for emphasis and I apologise for the obscurity.
Here's something from me - Don't ever be sorry. Just change.
Wise words. I'll adhere to that.