Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » General


My Soul For You

by Jevan13


My love is a tree

One without leaves
In Winter Eternal

No hope of release.

Why do they not accept me,
Why refuse the Ideal that is blatantly,
Obviously true to your soul,
And seek instead another's joy.

We were born to be free,
Born of happiness, innocence,
Yes it is right to share it,
But not to be in deficiency of these.
People should accept you for what you are,
Not the facade that you seem to be.
As the scent of the rose portrays its delicate beauty,

In the same way does it conceal its thorns.

So why keep grasping the rose
Even though its thorns continue to drain your life's essence away.
Why endure all this heartache for someone,

Someone who cares not for your pain.
I ask why, even though it's blatantly true,
I would do anything for you,
Them, us, everyone whom I shall see,
Will I try to make happy or happier

At the cost of a piece of my soul.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
56 Reviews


Points: 4821
Reviews: 56

Donate
Sat May 19, 2018 9:02 am
LadyOkra wrote a review...



Hello there!

I really like this poem. Since I don't have much knowledge about form and structure of poetry, I shall be commenting on the feel.

I like this poem because somehow it brings out our hypocritical nature. We sneer at others who lose themselves in love to the point of madness when we cannot stop ourselves from turning into a slobbering mess when we see our soulmate.

My favourite lines:

People should accept you for what you are,
Not the facade that you seem to be.
As the scent of the rose portrays its delicate beauty,
In the same way does it conceal its thorns.


I love the final line because it shows the desperation of a human soul to love and to be loved.

Great Job!

Keep writing more and more.

Cheers.




Jevan13 says...


I am pleased to see that you are an intelligent soul that got the true meaning of this poem. I am glad that you didn't find it flawed and I look forward to your future reviews. Thanks :)



User avatar
81 Reviews


Points: 659
Reviews: 81

Donate
Thu May 17, 2018 1:42 pm
RavenLord wrote a review...



Hey, Jevan! Raven here to review as promised!
Just from reading this I can tell you're a very accomplished poet. The use of capital letters on certain words adds excellent emphasis on the lines.
One of my critiques (which were few and far between) would be about the line "Even though its thorns continue to drain your life's essence away." It's a little too wordy, which disrupts the flow of the poem. I would suggest simplifying it to something no more than six or seven words long. Another would be the stanza formation. Stanzas tend to indicate transitions or new thoughts in a poem, but yours seem to simply be placed hither, thither, and yon with no real system to how and why they are set. Try to make them more purposefully positioned.
Other than that I think this is an excellent poem! Very well done.
Regards,
Raven




Jevan13 says...


Many thanks to you, Raven. This was useful advice and I just want to clear up an issue that bugs even me. The formatting slightly changed when I copy my work from Google Docs, so this ends up happening:). But I'm filled with gratitude for your compliments and for taking the time to review.



RavenLord says...


No problem!




And then, as if written by the hand of a bad novelist, an incredible thing happened.
— Bartimaeus of Uruk