E - Everyone

Tips for Taking Over Summer Camp Chapter 22: No Silver Platters Filled with Water, Food, or Camp

Chapter Twenty-Two: No Silver Platters Filled with Water, Food, or Camp

The air was thick with the scent of mud and the road was plagued by deep tire tracks. Some of them were filled with brown water from a recent rain and there was no choice but to accidentally step into some of them. Our shoes were soaked within an hour and our feet were beginning to feel the cold, numb pain of our damp feet.

The day was almost over. The sky was washed with a burning crimson that lit up the tiny pools, making the water look like it had been replaced by pure light. The trees around us were turning darker. Shadows zigzagged along their trunks, curving around the branches and covering the leaves.

Link and I were both draped in the constant noise of the water sloshing and squishing around in our shoes. It was uncomfortable, yes, but it was better than that strange bird’s call filling me with worries.

Link hadn’t done a single Rowan-like thing since we got onto the road, which was great for me because I didn’t think that I needed any more stress put onto me that day. But that didn’t stop me from wondering what has been wrong with him.

Is that what being alone for a few hours does to people? I thought. But that couldn’t be. When I was five, I had lost my favorite stuffed toy, a huge grey elephant with cerulean, heart-shaped ears. My parents and I had spent hours looking for it, but I fell into a laundry basket and had stayed there, unable to climb out. It had been at least a couple of hours before my parents heard my cries and rescued me.

It’s only a few hours. It’s not that much time, really. But what if there is really something in there? I gulped at the thought. And if there is, what did they do to Link?

I toyed with the idea of asking him again what had happened, but I didn’t want to set him off again.

“Molly?” Link said, breaking my thoughts.

“Y-yes?” I replied, a little nervous that he would freak out again.

“I’m thirsty.”

I sighed silently and stopped walking. Not this again! “There’s water on he road.”

He stopped a couple of meters behind me. “But that’s dirty.”

“I was joking.”

“You didn’t make it sound th—“

“Whatever!” I looked around, trying to see if I could spot a stream between the trees.

“But I’m thirsty!”

“I know.”

“And I want water.”

“Well what am I supposed to do about it?”

There was a pause before Link spoke again. “Get me water?”

I rolled my eyes. “From where? There’s no stream nearby. Or how about that invisible convenience store over there? Would you like me to get some water from there? Oh! How about that fancy restaurant right beside it? And while I’m at it, why don’t I serve it to you on a silver platter? Huh? How would you like that?!”

“I just want water, ok?” Link whined, not appearing to be affected emotionally by my outburst.

I let out a cry of frustration and stomped away from Link. I didn’t care that I needed to bring him back. I didn’t care that I could get kicked out of camp if I didn’t. And I seriously didn’t care what Link would do if I left him. I kind of hoped that he would get attacked by that strange bird or whatever had happened to him would happen to him again and he would never come back to CALAC. I never wanted to see his stupid face or hear his whiny voice again.

Why would anyone want to find him in the first place? What a mistake that was.

~

The sky was starting to turn a majestic cobalt and tiny stars like dots glitter were beginning to appear in the sky. The only sounds were crickets singing from within the depths of the forest and my wet shoes slapping the ground at a steady, quick rhythm. I still hadn’t looked back to see if Link was following me, but my wishes of him being eaten by a bear or something kept me from turning my head.

Where is camp? I began to wonder. I should have probably arrived by now…

A sudden flapping of wings forced me to spin around. There was nothing. Not even Link. I looked around a bit more, but there was nothing other than darkness-covered trees.

I gave the area one final look before I resumed walking.

A few minutes later, my stomach let out a loud growl that vibrated my whole body. I could feel the emptiness of hunger enveloping me and I remembered that I hadn’t eaten since lunch. And how long ago was that?

“I hope CALAC is close by,” I remarked.

But then I stopped in my tracks and stared at what was before me open-mouthed. My arms dropped lifelessly to my sides and tears began welling up in my eyes.

I was standing in front of a dead-end.

The road had ended.

Comments & reviews · 3
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Brigadier
Review

Hey there HolographicLadybug. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

Good morning or afternoon or night, whichever applies to you. I always mess up on things like that. Ahh. I've missed a couple of chapters and by that I mean ten or so. I really have no clue what happened in the middle there so sorry in advance for all of my questions. One more apology that's not really my fault but sorry your chapter was in the green room for so long. Enough with my chit chat because this is where the real critique begins.

Or does it begin here? The world may never know. So first on the list of questions and comments is, who's Link?

Molly must put up with Link's whining.

From the description I'm guessing fellow camper who is really annoying or something.

Our shoes were soaked within an hour and our feet were beginning to feel the cold, numb pain of our damp feet.

I had to read through this a couple of times to understand what you were saying. Not only is it confusing but it's almost repetitive. Conflicting might actually be the best word to use. Why? First you state their shoes were soaked and then you say their feet were only damp. It doesn't make much sense unless they were wearing a particular type of foot wear. If I assume they were just wearing sneakers, their feet and socks would be as wet as their shoes. If they were wearing a thick hiking sneaker or ankle height gum boot, the situation you described would be possible. Be honest, did I help the understanding or confuse you?

“I hope CALAC is close by,” I remarked.

So I guess that's the abbreviation of the camp name. That's the only thing that makes any sense but when I first read it I was confused. Probably the whole not reading from the beginning and then skipping ten chapters thing.

Okay that's enough with my questions and comments that are somehow related. Let's start from the beginning again ma'am.
This is what I think happened before but I'm not really sure. Somehow your two characters got out into the forest. Judging from the rest of the events I read about, they were probably out with some of the other campers. I think I had glanced over a chapter that said something about Link going missing. The conclusion here would be that Molly found Link but in doing so she got separated from the others. Now they are just trying to get back to camp alive. If any of that was wrong please correct me.

And now onto the current events section of tonight's broadcast.
I do really like how you continue to separate your main character's thoughts by putting them in italics. I was just complaining about that the other day to someone. I have nothing to say for spelling, grammar, and typos except for that little quote above. And I've already covered the rest of the events in the chapter so I must be on my way.

Well that's about all I have for this review. Sorry if I could offer any more comments about your chapter.
Have a nice day!
Lizzy
Queen of the Book Clubs

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KaiRyu
Comment

YOU MUST CONTINUE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

User avatar
Rin321
Review
Rin321 wrote a review · Tue Feb 23, 2016 1:43 am

Hello HolographicLadybug! CHRISSY321 here to review your latest installment for Tips for Taking Over Summer camp! :D

Again, sorry about how long it has taken me tor view these chapters! Though I am here now as promised! :)

Okay, this definitely and interesting chapter! Poor Molly! She really does not know what to think at this point, and on top of just being so done with Link, and now realizing she followed a trial this while time to the middle of no where, she is in real trouble! I hope she finds her way back!

Now, I did find san error! hah! :twisted:

Our shoes were soaked within an hour and our feet were beginning to feel the cold, numb pain of our damp feet.


Here I really do not think makes sense. You are saying your feet were in pain from the felling from your feet, which was little weird. I think you should re-word it:

" Our shoes were soaked within an hour and our feet were beginning to feel a constant cold, numb pain."

I think having this, or something similar would be great, and make more sense!

It had been at least a couple of hours before my parents heard my cries and rescued me.


Here, there are no mistakes, but I am just thinking "Who the heck would not notice a 5 year old running around for hours?!" I think that is crazy!

Now, I have one more question, will you make it so that Link followed? I want him to stay so that he can maybe reveal what exactly was out there... I feel like him would be a big *link* (duh-duh- CRASH) to helping to reader figure out this mystery! I suggest you keep him in :)

Overall this is just coming out so well! Great job! I cannot wait to keep reading! Post a message on my wall with the link when you have published the next part! :D
Keep Writing!
~Chrissy <3

I was oing to fix that bit of backstory, but I didn't really have enough time. CURSE YOU PASSING HOURS!!!!!!!! Anyway, thanks for the seriously took a long time review! :)
(Ugh! The pun from chapter seventeen has been made!)

(Probably not the best place to put this, but it's somewhat relevant, so.....)

Spoiler
Well, well, well. It seems as if we're about to me pitted against each other, hmmmm? My team (plus Snazzy) versus your team. Maybe I shouldn't post the next chapter before Review Day after all. Being an evil person and all, it would be my duty to not pull you ahead even the slightest. (Maniacal laughter) :twisted:

In other words, congrats on being captain, although we're taking you down. But still, best of luck!

Just saw that reply XD Yeah, great job during review day! :D

Because I can....
Your (maybe) solution!
~Plot (is it going along well? Are there an questions that you have a burning desire to be answered? (This would be a good thing, actually, because this novel is part mystery) If so, what kinds? I need to know if I'm doing a good job on the appropriate ones.)
~Characters (Are any of them flat at times? I don't think that this is a problem, but a reader might say otherwise. I also need to know if they ever act out of character.)
~Logic flaws (considering how this is my biggest problem in writing)
~Pace (I *think* that the pace I'm going at is good, but I'm currently at page seventy five on my document, but I feel that I should be at a later number.)
~Is my avatar distracting? (Joking!)
~Word choice (As far as I'm concerned, I don't think that I have a problem with this. But then again, nobody's said "Hey, your word choice sucks" to me yet.)
~Check the database! (Or something....)
This is the end.
....Because I can. :P



Beware of advice—even this.
— Carl Sandburg